She says she only took about 3 clients since we were together. Also I'm not her keeper. It's not like we lived together.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
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She says she only took about 3 clients since we were together. Also I'm not her keeper. It's not like we lived together.
LucidMomentum
Member
Oh fuck lol.
Does that count as cheating? Or not telling you about work?
Dude that's rough. If she had talked to you do you think you'd have been alright with it?
Raptomex
Member
My GF and I just broke up. We're still friends and in contact but this was a long time coming. It sucks we broke up but on the other hand, I feel free and see it as a chance to use my experience for something new. I've had the sudden urge to hook up with an older woman. By older I mean like 30 - 40. I'm only 27. Right now I'm not really looking for anything serious. Just a fling. I don't want to be an asshole, of course, and make it clear up front of what I'm looking for. Is that odd? Anyone else go through this? And where do I even look? I'm not a party animal nor am I that social.
LucidMomentum
Member
Shit, why is everyone breaking up two weeks before Valentine's day?
As for chasing older women, I feel ya man. I'm a similar age and always flirt with older women.
As for where to find them, dating sites have been pretty good for me. Just up that age range.
Paint nights at bars have also gotten me a few fun times but I went to paint first and foremost.
So they don't have to buy expensive gifts or put out.
LucidMomentum
Member
I will do both and more.
Someone fucking wine and dine me.
I fully understand that's a horrible pick up line
I unexpectedly have a date lined up for next Thursday. She's like 3 years older than me. I've never been out with someone older before so hopefully it's a nice change. For some reason I feel intimidated though. I don't know why since it's only a 3 year difference. And I'm not sure how I should go about texting. I've never scheduled a date or anything like that so far in advance so I'm worried about how often I should text. Is too much gonna be off-putting? Is not enough gonna make me seem uninterested? So far we're doing lots of it and I just started talking to her last night. I'm afraid of fatigue before the actual date.
Raptomex
Member
Well the bright side is I don't have to spend money this valentines day. Just positive thinking.
Yeah, I don't drink so bars are just boring for me.
My problem with the sites is I don't even know what to say. I see most them detail what they're looking for and it's usually not just sex so and I don't want to manipulate or be "that guy" so I tend to back off.
The hunt continues.
names2hard4you
Member
When it comes to stuff like this I like to test the waters. Sometimes you are lucky enough to find someone that knows the "rules of the game" and doesn't text like mad, others don't want to text at all, others do. But if you don't know what to do just text after you are done an activity, keep living your normal life and keep things casual. Do whatever feels natural.
That's kind of what I've been doing and so far I get consistent responses and don't feel like I'm imposing too much. I'm just scared of things dying down by the time our date even happens. I guess one solution could be taking to other girls.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
I doubt that it was only 3, sounds like she is lessening the blow after being caught. You did the right thing to just move on.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Just say you're not looking for anything serious, they'll read between the lines. I doubt a woman would ever put she's down for casual hookups, but if they are they'll let you know in my experience. Again, read between the lines.
Another thing which is bugging me is how I was called a "nice guy" when we first had our chat on the last date. Maybe she didn't mean it like that, but it's hard to keep things physical between us when she was pushing me away because of her illness, no?
The chemistry between us was brilliant beforehand, but she just became understandably closed when she became ill and went back home for Christmas. In retrospect it almost seems like it was doomed to fail either way and that nothing would've changed the outcome.
I'm really trying not to let this beat me up, but it honestly is.
Am I potentially at fault here?
PersonAndStuff
Member
What do you think is the proper amount of time/effort/thought to put into an okcupid message? I don't want to send out a generic "Hey." But the other end of the spectrum(cracking open a vein and bleeding wit into a computer, feeling you heart sink into the screen while reading a profile, etc.) seems like a setup for failure. Because the numbers game part of it doesn't work out.
Joelstinton14
Member
I think wanting to hook up with someone in that age range (particularly towards 40) is normal at that age. I know i wanted too. There is something incredibly sexy about some people at that age, i guess years of experience.
I don't think it is odd, i think people need time to put relationships aside for a while and just have a little bit of fun; be it trying to figure out what you want from future relationships and exploring yourself a little or taking a break from the day to day demands of a relationship.
I'm kind of in an awkward situation at the moment, where i think i've realised that i'm actually demisexual, in that i only get sexually attracted to girls once i really got to know them, it has never bothered me before but been a bit of an anxiety driven mess at the moment. Its only bothering me that i'm thinking about it, but being introverted really doesn't help either. All of my close friends got married last year i guess what has sparked it off. Also doesn't help that moving a rural area and being a proper adult your day to day actions with people seem to be a lot less than what it was 5, 10 years ago. I think i may need to move back to a city area where i have more chance of forming friendships etc with people. It's weird, I think living in a city is actually better for introverts than ending up like a recluse in a village.
After you've read the profile? Spend maybe two minutes writing two or three sentences. Enough to make it clear you've read the profile and start a conversation.
Fuck fault. Sometimes relationships just don't work out for reasons we'll never know - closure is often a luxury.
Where you are at fault is spending all this mental energy on a dead relationship. You want to spend a few days doing a post mortem, think about what you could've done better, fine. Now, You need to be doing literally anything else to occupy your mind.
I'm sorry to hear that things are rough right now. Your posts about your relationship always gave me a smile while reading this thread. I hope everything work out in the end.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
This, don't spend too much time, you might not get a reply anyway. Also don't just put "Hi" or similar in the subject header. Womens inboxes are full of those.
artsi
Member
Thanks, it's definitely rough because the change was so sudden and I still remember so clearly how well everything went in the beginning.
I'm ready to stay with her even if it means rough times ahead, but it pretty much depends on her right now if she will accept me on her side despite not feeling all lovey dovey.
We'll see again this friday or saturday and talk stuff. Meanwhile I'm distracting myself with work, hitting the gym and mentally preparing for being single again if that's what's coming.
No, but at least I wouldn't have been invested in the relationship.
Yeah. That was my thinking too. It might very well have been three but the point is I can't trust her and I'm not going to be a micromanaging control freak. I don't do that at work and I don't do it in my relationships. If I can't trust you I'm just gonna move on.
Raptomex
Member
I hear you. I live in a rural area myself but am close to two urban areas. I'm introverted as well but the feeling of social awkwardness is past me. I can interact with people without a problem and I accept the fact I'm just not social, but I just can't do the social aspects because in all honesty I never really care. If I'm forced or really trying to meet someone, my conversation will come out awkward because I just don't do that shit normally. I'm a "hi, how are you?" guy if I was to pass someone I may know but then I just keep moving. I wouldn't care to hear their whole life story, you know? I have a group of close friends I stick with, I don't party, drink, or do drugs, and I just keep to myself for the most part. I meet new people often but it's rare that I stay in touch with new people. I've been to clubs and parties and I hate it. I've done all that to a certain extent and never cared for it.
All that small talk, playing the dating "game", trying new things I really have no desire to do right now, getting to know the person, I hate doing all that. I understand you have to do it but since I just got out of a relationship I'm not in the mood to do it again right now. So a fling with an older woman would be perfect, and not going to lie, awesome. But I wouldn't want it long term, long distance, or any drama. Nor do I want to be a dickhead or disrespectful about it. But the introvert in me is now going crazy because I'm pretty much forced to make first contact and I never know what to say because, again, all that small talk/get to know you, stuff is just not me. On the rare occasions women do flirt with me, I'm usually not attracted to them, and right now that's a deal breaker. I need a generic line that works and can be modified per woman's information.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
With online dating and playing the numbers game you can pretty much script it with enough practice. I had a notepad file on my phone with all the usual starter conversations to cut and paste to save me typing it a out again on a touchscreen. Improved it and modified it over time until I got to an interesting conversation point with the woman. Small talk bores me too.
Raptomex
Member
Yeah, that's a good idea. Once I get something down I'll save it.
Wow this is pretty much me right here. I can be pretty shy but I often times don't care enough to start a conversation or keep an existing one going. Alcohol is supposed to be a social lubricant but even when I'm drunk I'm thinking "alright stop talking to me already" after a while. I hate small talk and I don't care about someone's day unless they're a close friend or I'm genuinely interested in the person. I have no interest in making any more friends or getting to know people but I am interested in being in a relationship, so it's a problem. Not only does it take me a long time to get comfortable with someone and really open up, but it also takes me a while to really become interested in someone outside of thinking "oh this girl is cute."
Raptomex
Member
Yes. I'll see a lot of hot girls and I don't have the balls to talk to them. However, I also don't know them so I find it hard to care about their current day to day life. If I was looking for a relationship I would go the mile and get to know them. If it works out in the end, great. If not, I feel it was a waste of time. "Experience" only goes so far and I know I'm not going to change my social outlook. With that said, right now I don't want to get to know anyone. I want to remain unattached for now and get with a hot woman. But my social personality comes to bite me in the ass.
I think I know the problem, too. Because my normal feeling is I don't care about this person or am attracted to them, I usually assume or think that's how the women I do like think about me as well. In high school that may have been true and I understand that's not everybody's outlook. But that thought process makes it hard to make first contact. I'm confident in my appearance just based on my experiences and don't have an ego but it's just hard for me to start something. Basically my thinking goes "I don't really give a shit and they probably don't either" and I move on.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
TangerineCloud
Banned
I'm coming to the realization that I probably can't "win back" my ex unless I learn to let her go. This is both depressing and sort of empowering. After getting closure (and sex) last week, we're back on another month of no-contact. I've been holding on to the idea that I'll be able to put into motion my plan to get her back once the month ends, but it hit me today that I can't force her to want to be in a relationship with me again. The more I try, the more I'll come across as desperate, pathetic, and codependent, which will probably end up pushing her away. I guess I really just have to do my best to move on, grow, date other people, and maintain a friendship with her. If something happens between us one day (which she says she's open to), great. If not, hopefully I'll have matured enough that I can take solace in all the other opportunities for love out there. It'll be difficult to accept that she might go on dates with other guys, and even kiss or have sex with them in the mean time, but I guess that just has to be part of the process.
Take it from someone who asked in this same thread if being friends with an ex is possible a month or 2 ago, just move on man. You seem to have the right mindset now, just take it day by day and live your life.
Generalpsyduck
Banned
So uhh the girl im into is kinda dating someone, what should i do? If its any help her relationship with her boyfriend is pretty rocky.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
You don't do anything. She's in a relationship and being the rebound from a rocky relationship is not where you want to be.
cheezcake
Member
You move on
you forget about her.
As long as she is in a relationship you do not do anything.
Just matched on tinder with a professional model last night. Haven't spoken to her yet. As if her *perfect* pictures weren't pressure enough, her full name was in her instagram profile so I did some Googling....
... her father is a billionaire. She's a political diplomat on behalf of her home country and educated at a very fine institution that is known all over the world. She also manages international relations for her family's empire which is the largest exporter of its kind and does over $200 billion in revenue per year. (0_0)
She's so eligible, it's almost a turn off. Damn. Fuck. I doubt she's going to respond, but I'll give it a shot.
I never usually have trouble talking to hot girls or even models. But this one is making me insanely nervous. I have no idea how to even relate to someone who is banging on all of those cylinders. I'm like... just a dude with a decent job and a Metal Slug avatar.
Any advice for not being insanely nervous?
... her father is a billionaire. She's a political diplomat on behalf of her home country and educated at a very fine institution that is known all over the world. She also manages international relations for her family's empire which is the largest exporter of its kind and does over $200 billion in revenue per year. (0_0)
She's so eligible, it's almost a turn off. Damn. Fuck. I doubt she's going to respond, but I'll give it a shot.
I never usually have trouble talking to hot girls or even models. But this one is making me insanely nervous. I have no idea how to even relate to someone who is banging on all of those cylinders. I'm like... just a dude with a decent job and a Metal Slug avatar.
Any advice for not being insanely nervous?
dreamcastmaster
Banned
"She's" a fake account.
Maybe. Seems legit though. Pictures with her father and grandmother... and her family is not a household name or anything.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
If it's too good to be true + internet.
I just made first contact. We shall see. (Or maybe we won't).
I've been seeing a new girl for the last week or so and she's great! Pretty, fun, a little shy and insecure (which can be a little frustrating) but I like her. But I'm not head over heels.
I think though that I've figured out something about myself. Even a year ago, I was getting over-invested in girls, my emotions and anxiety tied into how much a girl liked me. It was unhealthy and since then I've managed to become less desperate and more comfortable being single. Which means that when I meet someone new, I'm not holding on to every word and picture and getting my hopes up sky high. Infatuation seems to be triggered by anxiety and fear for me, and maybe that was getting in the way of me having healthy relationships.
Still, it's a bummer. I miss the intoxication of limerence. I'm nitpicking more often and less able to lose myself in the excitement of a new relationship.
Anyone else go through this?
I think though that I've figured out something about myself. Even a year ago, I was getting over-invested in girls, my emotions and anxiety tied into how much a girl liked me. It was unhealthy and since then I've managed to become less desperate and more comfortable being single. Which means that when I meet someone new, I'm not holding on to every word and picture and getting my hopes up sky high. Infatuation seems to be triggered by anxiety and fear for me, and maybe that was getting in the way of me having healthy relationships.
Still, it's a bummer. I miss the intoxication of limerence. I'm nitpicking more often and less able to lose myself in the excitement of a new relationship.
Anyone else go through this?
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Let's see how long it takes for them to ask for money or not be available for any time for a date because reasons.
ZackieChan
Member
You really shouldn't be getting this excited over someone that you haven't even talked to yet. Slow it down a bit, buddy.
Krauser Kat
Member
Dont get excited about anyone until you even meet them. At best be optimistic about the chances of your date going well.
Unsolicited?
They're bored and they think it's funny when you blush. Just give them a "haha, sure" with whatever they tell you.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
You matched with Ivanka Trump?
I don't think she's a diplomat from another country.
Messofanego
Banned
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