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[Raptomex]

Yeah, I think that is the right answer. But man, just having someone who loves you is intoxicating. Dunno if I love her, but I certainly love feelin loved. The physical connection is powerful, but yeah. You got ages man, relax. Especially if you can meet people at work. Work or university. I do think many people should make their move at work or university, depending on the person.

It is nice to have but if you have nothing in common I don't think it would work in the end. But I've been proven wrong before. I know one thing, I want to stay away from those who think paradise is a bar/club and the beach. I tried these "new things" with my ex and just like I predicted, they suck. My opinion, of course. But at least now I know even more about what I'm really looking for.

 

[AdventureRacing]

For those of you in here who lift, what kept you motivated while searching? Did you continue after you found success dating?

I'm trying to motivate myself.

I like to be fit and strong. I also play rugby so I see some direct benefit from working out. It's nice to also look good but for me that's just a bonus. I think it's easier to stick with if the motivation comes from within.

 

[Shadowhelper]

It is nice to have but if you have nothing in common I don't think it would work in the end. But I've been proven wrong before. I know one thing, I want to stay away from those who think paradise is a bar/club and the beach. I tried these "new things" with my ex and just like I predicted, they suck. My opinion, of course. But at least now I know even more about what I'm really looking for.

I think you are right. The sex can be addictive, but you are right, and I don't like being alone, at the moment. Yes, I think my GF, relies on alcohol and going out as a tool quite a bit, and that's just not the place I am in right now. I dunno man, she is great in so many ways, but honestly, like you said, at least I am becoming more and more aware what I am looking for and also feel some relationships like this one, really refines me, and teaches me about myself. Some really don't, lol.

Dude don't lift to get dates. Yeah it can make you more successful and more confident and can be kind of an ego boost when a girl slips out an "omg your body" while doing it buuuuut girls shouldn't be your motivator. Do it for you.

But why not? It's not about having a hot bod. Lifting gets you into shape. Look great, feel great. I think the vast majority of people are doing it to impress other people, it's a great and natural motivator, that one should not ignore. Virtually everything man does, that is good and productive, is to impress a woman.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

For those of you in here who lift, what kept you motivated while searching? Did you continue after you found success dating?

I'm trying to motivate myself.

If you dont like doing it you are not going to stick with it. It has to internally come from you wanting to do it. The motivation should not be womwn. Not because I have a problem with being a bit vain but because it's a useless motivation. If all it is about is women any long terms failure you have there will directly translate to how you feel about the gym. I would not get into that game if I was you.

But why not? It's not about having a hot bod. Lifting gets you into shape. Look great, feel great. I think the vast majority of people are doing it to impress other people,

The vast majority of people who are gym regulars actually do it for them, not to impress people. You don't dedicate that much of yourself to impress people for 5 minutes honestly. If you are gonna base your self worth based off something like this it is not going to last. That is why all the new years resolutioners are gone by early Feb. It was never for them and so they don't have the internal will to do it when its tough or when other things in their life are not falling in place.

it's a great and natural motivator, that one should not ignore. Virtually everything man does, that is good and productive, is to impress a woman.

I dunno what the fuck you are reading but this is poor ass advice. Do not go to the gym to impress women. It will not last if the reason you go is not driven by you first and foremost. When you start attachimg external justification for why you do things in your life you will not last when trying times come. If the reason you do things is not internal, remove the factor and you will not be successful or driven.

This is why all the idiots that go to the gym, get fit and still dont get women/guys are miserable as fuck. This is why people that take up hobbies just as something to say instead of to fulfill something never get anything out of it.

If you cant do things for you you may still find success but I dont expect you to have a strong foundation when heavy wimds start blowing. And those are the people that end up the most miserable.

/end rant

 

[Raptomex]

Group photos need to go. Deceptive as fuck and yet nothing legitimately wrong with them.

 

[Kurtofan]

met a girl I talked to a while ago, I talked a bit with her and as she was leaving I asked her if she wanted a cofee sometimes, she said she was free on wednesday, but she left and i forgot to ask what time

she did blow me a kiss though, its cute

 

[WolfeTone]

So for the first time in a while I have multiple dating options that all seem good in their own ways. So I guess my question is at what point should I decide on exclusivity? Like 4 or 5 dates? I know people will say it depends, but I'm not a very intuitive person when it comes to dating...

1. If you feel like you want exclusivity with any one of them - initiate the conversation about exclusivity.

2.
If they say yes - end things with your other dates.
If they say no - continue dating all of them until 1. happens again.

Don't preemptively dump the others before you lock one down.

 

[Lulubop]

I fucking hate the gym and only go for vain reason.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I fucking hate the gym and only go for vain reason.

I never said there was a problem with being vain. That said you don't have trouble getting women so you aren't gonna run into the issue I highlighted (not anytime soon at least)

Spoiler

There are exceptions to every rule ya bastard

 

[Kyne]

i too work out simply for vanity reasons.

although I don't go to the gym, i just plant all of my exercise equipment in front of my 4k tv and get it done that way.

 

[Shadowhelper]

I fucking hate the gym and only go for vain reason.

I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people who go do for these reasons. There's a reason everyone in the gym, me included is staring at themselves in mirrors, completely hypnotised and transfixed by their own image.

I only start liking the gym a little when I'm in good enough shape to attract lady eyes, and if my workload isn't too much. But yeah, I can fucking hate it too, lol. But I do also go, legitimately, to just feel good. All these things go hand in hand, but the primary motivation, certainly initially and for mosty of the time I have gone is purely to look good enough to attract the opposite sex.

I don't see why that is a bad thing. If you get a good job and bod to get a girl, then so be it. Better than the alternative I say. Anyway, know so many people that have bettered themselves to improve their prospects with the other sex. Like I said, I feel like that is what motivates men to do stuff.

 

[brawly]

Dude don't lift to get dates. Yeah it can make you more successful and more confident and can be kind of an ego boost when a girl slips out an "omg your body" while doing it buuuuut girls shouldn't be your motivator. Do it for you.

Never understood this sentiment. Who cares who you do it for as long as you put in the effort. I love going to gym and I love to see my body grow, but I also have ulterior motivations in the end and nothing is as good and motivating as someone else complimenting you.

It feels fucking great to look good and get attention from the opposite sex.

 

[Irnbru]

Hey guys, just making sure I'm broaching this subject correctly. So I take care of my mother since my dad died and she's very old. She's 71. Should I make it painfully clear that I take care of her ( it's my house ), or just kinda leave it as a, yeah come over for me too cook, ps I take care of my mom. It's a bit of a toughie.

 

[names2hard4you]

So yeah I asked here for opinions and you all said it would be a fun idea. First date on Valentines is a go lol.

Someone here suggested that I gave the girl a small present... turns out she is the kind of girl that is into that sweet stuff, while I well... I am not lol. Still it is Valentines, and she is the kind of girl that loves that sort of thing so I'd like to make it a cool day for her. What do you think would be best? Again not to go crazy here, this is a first date. But maybe something like chocolate, or a flower... any suggestions?

I normally wouldn't ask but I've never really gone out with a girl that cares for this kind of thing.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

Group photos need to go. Deceptive as fuck and yet nothing legitimately wrong with them.

"which one is you?" No suprise anymore its the least attractive one. Always.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Hey guys, just making sure I'm broaching this subject correctly. So I take care of my mother since my dad died and she's very old. She's 71. Should I make it painfully clear that I take care of her ( it's my house ), or just kinda leave it as a, yeah come over for me too cook, ps I take care of my mom. It's a bit of a toughie.

Would you want to date / get frisky with a girl who minded that you take care of your mother in your own home?

Just be up front about it. May lose you some potential dates but it saves you some headaches.

 

[No_Style]

So yeah I asked here for opinions and you all said it would be a fun idea. First date on Valentines is a go lol.

Someone here suggested that I gave the girl a small present... turns out she is the kind of girl that is into that sweet stuff, while I well... I am not lol. Still it is Valentines, and she is the kind of girl that loves that sort of thing so I'd like to make it a cool day for her. What do you think would be best? Again not to go crazy here, this is a first date. But maybe something like chocolate, or a flower... any suggestions?

I normally wouldn't ask but I've never really gone out with a girl that cares for this kind of thing.

I love making things cheesy and light for early dates so I would consider a funny card. But it all depends if you can work off that.

 

[Astral]

Never understood this sentiment. Who cares who you do it for as long as you put in the effort. I love going to gym and I love to see my body grow, but I also have ulterior motivations in the end and nothing is as good and motivating as someone else complimenting you.

It feels fucking great to look good and get attention from the opposite sex.

I guess it's because I don't like the attention all that much. Compliments are nice and all but idk. Feels weird sometimes.

 

[Pancake Mix]

Hey guys, just making sure I'm broaching this subject correctly. So I take care of my mother since my dad died and she's very old. She's 71. Should I make it painfully clear that I take care of her ( it's my house ), or just kinda leave it as a, yeah come over for me too cook, ps I take care of my mom. It's a bit of a toughie.

Shouldn't be a problem. If anyone can't respect you looking after your widowed, elderly mother in your own home then they're not worth it.

Might as well make it clear, she should understand.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Hey guys, just making sure I'm broaching this subject correctly. So I take care of my mother since my dad died and she's very old. She's 71. Should I make it painfully clear that I take care of her ( it's my house ), or just kinda leave it as a, yeah come over for me too cook, ps I take care of my mom. It's a bit of a toughie.

I think the concern a girl would have is that you don't have privacy if your mother is always there. Address that issue and it should not be a problem. I shared a house with my mother when she got divorced when I was around 20 and it never affected either of us for dating.

 

[Irnbru]

Thanks for for the advice guys, really appreciate it!

 

[Salamando]

So yeah I asked here for opinions and you all said it would be a fun idea. First date on Valentines is a go lol.

Someone here suggested that I gave the girl a small present... turns out she is the kind of girl that is into that sweet stuff, while I well... I am not lol. Still it is Valentines, and she is the kind of girl that loves that sort of thing so I'd like to make it a cool day for her. What do you think would be best? Again not to go crazy here, this is a first date. But maybe something like chocolate, or a flower... any suggestions?

I normally wouldn't ask but I've never really gone out with a girl that cares for this kind of thing.

I would go 100% cheesy. Go with flowers, chocolate, and a stuffed bear, but only at 10% effort. Flowers should be construction paper + green pipe cleaner, chocolate should be a bag of M&M's, bear should be a stuffed bear foot (cut off one if you need to).

Pick something cheap that shows off a little bit of your personality. I went goofy/cheesy. If the girl reacts well to it, it'll bode well for you two.

Never understood this sentiment. Who cares who you do it for as long as you put in the effort. I love going to gym and I love to see my body grow, but I also have ulterior motivations in the end and nothing is as good and motivating as someone else complimenting you.

It feels fucking great to look good and get attention from the opposite sex.

Lifting for any reason is better than not lifting. Lifting for the sole purpose of attracting partners carries the implication that you'll stop (or at least won't be as motivated) once you land one.

There's also a self-confidence element to it..."I deserve a healthy, fit body" vs "I need to be better for other people".

 

[Raptomex]

Have you ever reached the point of just messaging girls just to see if you'll get any response, like you don't even care if they don't like you, just a response? Either the girls I'm messaging are inactive or fake. I'm pretty good at spotting fakes and I'm quite certain I'm not a ghoul but wow. I get messages here and there but I'm never interested.

 

[names2hard4you]

I love making things cheesy and light for early dates so I would consider a funny card. But it all depends if you can work off that.

I would go 100% cheesy. Go with flowers, chocolate, and a stuffed bear, but only at 10% effort. Flowers should be construction paper + green pipe cleaner, chocolate should be a bag of M&M's, bear should be a stuffed bear foot (cut off one if you need to).

Pick something cheap that shows off a little bit of your personality. I went goofy/cheesy. If the girl reacts well to it, it'll bode well for you two.

Great tips, I like them. This actually makes me want to do it now, since although it is cheesy, it will also be a good laugh since it won't be super serious.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Have you ever reached the point of just messaging girls just to see if you'll get any response, like you don't even care if they don't like you, just a response? Either the girls I'm messaging are inactive or fake. I'm pretty good at spotting fakes and I'm quite certain I'm not a ghoul but wow. I get messages here and there but I'm never interested.

I learned very early on in online dating that it's almost worthless to message girls who's profile you like and expect a response. I changed strategy to just making my profile more interesting and on point and waiting for them to message me.

Even then, when I was getting matches I'd occasionally try messaging girls I liked the look of to see in my improved profile was working both ways. It didn't.

YMMV but in my experience just sit back and wait for them to contact you. Women get so many messages from guys that's you'll be lost in the crowd anyway.

 

[Raptomex]

I learned very early on in online dating that it's almost worthless to message girls who's profile you like and expect a response. I changed strategy to just making my profile more interesting and on point and waiting for them to message me.

Even then, when I was getting matches I'd occasionally try messaging girls I liked the look of to see in my improved profile was working both ways. It didn't.

YMMV but in my experience just sit back and wait for them to contact you. Women get so many messages from guys that's you'll be lost in the crowd anyway.

Yeah, I knew it was a girl's world and I can only imagine some of the creepy messages they get. I at least try to include something related to anything in their profile in mine.

 

[gaiages]

For those of you in here who lift, what kept you motivated while searching? Did you continue after you found success dating?

I'm trying to motivate myself.

I lift to get stronger >.> I don't do it for anyone other than myself. While lifting to look good naked can be a good starting motivator, you're not going to keep at it if you're essentially doing it for someone else.

I do believe this, but I do personally need to at least be able to talk about art and culture with person I am dating, in a certain way. I mean, I have talked to this with my GF many times, because there is lots of stuff we wouldn't enjoy together, and that is fine. But I just don't get it when someone can't enjoy the same comedies or some rather obvious stuff. I get it if she doesn't wanna watch Star Wars.

But everyone should like Community, lol. Sorry, they should fucking LOVE it.

Er, 'comedies' is a rather broad term, and people can like different types of comedy. I mean, if you guys aren't compatible at all on a hobby level, I can see why you felt hesitant about the whole thing, but being worried about dating someone because they don't like Community is rather... I don't know, specific? I mean, I don't really get how you don't get that people have different tastes in comedy--that's why there are so many genres of it in the first place.

But I'm sure you could find someone who like Community easily enough.

Spoiler

This is like the Arrested Development guy all over again >.>"""

That said I read your other posts after writing the above and can definitely see there's other problems in the relationship, so it's understandable if you wanna break it off.

 

[Unai]

The last girl I was going out with had absolutely nothing in common with me. She didn't watch TV shows at all, barely watched movies, had completely different taste in music and didn't play games, worked in another field, etc. Somehow we were able to talk a lot and in the end it didn't work for different reasons. But I agree that's an extreme case. It was the first time that I had something with someone so different and the change of pace was a really nice experience that I'm glad I had.

 

[always crazy bacon]

The last girl I was going out with had absolutely nothing in common with me. She didn't watch TV shows at all, barely watched movies, had completely different taste in music and didn't play games, worked in another field, etc.

Perfectly describes my 2nd wife. What I've realized in my later years is that men put too much emphasis on the media we consume and if we like the same things as a girl it's a great match. But really it does not matter as much as we think, it's great for making guy friends but for women not so much. Having compatible personalities and doing activities together has much more importance.

 

[Incendiary]

Group photos need to go. Deceptive as fuck and yet nothing legitimately wrong with them.

I have a strict rule - if I can't figure out who the girl is easily in three pictures, I pass.

Also I've passed on a lot of girls because I thought their friend was cuter and said to myself "well, if you're already thinking that..." Any photos with friends of the same gender are a bad idea for dating sites.

Perfectly describes my 2nd wife. What I've realized in my later years is that men put too much emphasis on the media we consume and if we like the same things as a girl it's a great match. But really it does not matter as much as we think, it's great for making guy friends but for women not so much. Having compatible personalities and doing activities together has much more importance.

I've always been more attracted to girls who only slightly match up with my interests. Like all my friends like going to movies and playing board/video games and doing "nerdy" stuff. But I also like playing tennis or going bowling or going to a museum or traveling, which are things I can rarely talk my friends into doing. So I'd rather date someone who is more into that.

Opposites attract is not always a stupid saying.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I have a strict rule - if I can't figure out who the girl is easily in three pictures, I pass.

Also I've passed on a lot of girls because I thought their friend was cuter and said to myself "well, if you're already thinking that..." Any photos with friends of the same gender are a bad idea for dating sites.

Friend photos are normally to diversify that you are social and have friends and do things other than be boring and take selfies. There isn't much wrong with that. I also don't think it matters the sex of the person as long as you position your profile about you and the others are just small pieces of a bigger picture. As long as it is obvious who you are I dont think it matters much. If its more that the friends overshadow you looks wise I mean it is valid but I mean you aren't gonna get a message from the friend so its mostly irrelevant imo.

There are people you can tell are trying to hide in a crowd vs people you know just are social and that is an aspect. If you swipe a profile and you cant tell who the person is most of the time there is a reason. Occassionally that will happen and every single person in the group photos is extremely good looking though lol. Then its just like "oh, its not a looks thing, you just suck at profile making".

I've always been more attracted to girls who only slightly match up with my interests. Like all my friends like going to movies and playing board/video games and doing "nerdy" stuff. But I also like playing tennis or going bowling or going to a museum or traveling, which are things I can rarely talk my friends into doing. So I'd rather date someone who is more into that.

Opposites attract is not always a stupid saying.

Compatible personalities and goals matter more than likes. You can normally find some mutual common interest and activities. There is so much shit out there if you cant that is indicative that yall are boring as fuck

 

[Krauser Kat]

When a girls only full body picture is a year old and shes quite a bit heavier then you hoped... Talking to her was fun but, i just wasnt attracted to her physically.

 

[Messofanego]

Eh, my boyfriend's and I's TV/movie tastes only match up every once and a while (if there's enough action and fights and explosions, we can both like it lol). He like anime, me... not at much. I like most sitcoms and drama stuff, he doesn't. It's whatever, you don't have to have a bunch in common to be with someone. I mean you gotta have some common thread or something, but media doesn't have to be the one

How much does he like anime?

 

[FyreWulff]

one funny thing i've noticed recently is my likes are going up on OKC but I have no new visitors. I strongly suspect OKC is inserting ghost likes to drive Alist subs. The odds don't seem likely otherwise.

I learned very early on in online dating that it's almost worthless to message girls who's profile you like and expect a response. I changed strategy to just making my profile more interesting and on point and waiting for them to message me.

Even then, when I was getting matches I'd occasionally try messaging girls I liked the look of to see in my improved profile was working both ways. It didn't.

YMMV but in my experience just sit back and wait for them to contact you. Women get so many messages from guys that's you'll be lost in the crowd anyway.

This is why I tell people to not treat it like "shopping" for a partner. Send messages out a lot, put yourself out there, and see who messages back. This is why I don't get stressed if people suddenly stop replying, and why I only give one reply per message sent. If they want to continue to talk to me, they will, if not, no big deal.

 

[Kyne]

one funny thing i've noticed recently is my likes are going up on OKC but I have no new visitors. I strongly suspect OKC is inserting ghost likes to drive Alist subs. The odds don't seem likely otherwise.



This is why I tell people to not treat it like "shopping" for a partner. Send messages out a lot, put yourself out there, and see who messages back. This is why I don't get stressed if people suddenly stop replying, and why I only give one reply per message sent. If they want to continue to talk to me, they will, if not, no big deal.

you have to realize there are many people (who are on A-list) browsing invisibly. I know I would be.

 

[FyreWulff]

you have to realize there are many people (who are on A-list) browsing invisibly. I know I would be.

Yeah, just seems like the odds are super weird. I got 5 new likes in a week with no new acknowledged visitors. Oh well, they gotta message me if they like me.

 

[gaiages]

How much does he like anime?

The second or third date he mentioned watching Naruto and I seriously considered nopeing out of there

True story

 

[Messofanego]

The second or third date he mentioned watching Naruto and I seriously considered nopeing out of there

True story

Haha

There is some amazing anime out there for western tastes, but most of it is buried under the stigma it's rightfully gotten thanks to the fanbase. I'd be surprised if you don't end up liking anything Satoshi Kon (most of his work has female protagonists and can be classed as psychological thrillers) or Studio Ghibli have made.

 

[LucidMomentum]

If I ever meet a girl down to watch JoJo's it'll be a whole different level of Crunchyroll and Chill...

 

[always crazy bacon]

When a girls only full body picture is a year old and shes quite a bit heavier then you hoped... Talking to her was fun but, i just wasnt attracted to her physically.

A year? Check the EXIF data LOL.

 

[Morfeo]

So, Ive had this on-off relationship with a girl for basically four years. It goes like this: We get on, it is great, she gets cold feet and ask for space, we try that for a while and drift away from each others. I get hurt and stay away for months, then we suddenly have a nice conversation or something (we work together so its impossible to get away), we flirt, and things are starting again - until she gets cold feet again and I am broken again. This circle was just completed for the third time yesterday and i feel just completely terrible and its completely ruining every activity that requires concentration.

I KNOW i need to tell her to fuck off once and for all. But she has so many good qualities, and our time together is always so promising and i know she likes me a lot and that we could make something very special together. Ive had a lot of other girls during our off-times these four years, and none of them have ever came close to being as good a fit as she is. She is more or less in the same situation, which is why we end up together again I guess. So my situation is that while I do know what i should do, its also really hard to accept that something with so much potential is never fully realized. Dont really know the purpose of posting here, just had to vent somewhere I guess

 

[Llyranor]

It's not "great" if she's willing to throw away whatever relationship you think you have with her on multiple occasions. She may just see you as a reliable emotional comfort blanket when she needs it.

 

[Arken2121]

Could certainly use some tips. Can't seem get a date or any messages on these online sites for quite a while. It feels like with all of this rejection that the desire to push forward feels futile.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Could certainly use some tips. Can't seem get a date or any messages on these online sites for quite a while. It feels like with all of this rejection that the desire to push forward feels futile.

Well, you could try linking us up to your profile so we can give you some advice to improve it. Online dating is a load of dead ends and time wasting, right up until you meet the right person.

 

[artsi]

Well, we (she) officially broke up yesterday. I guess I'll just fire up Tinder again then.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Well, we (she) officially broke up yesterday. I guess I'll just fire up Tinder again then.

Aw man, sorry to hear that. Good on ya getting ready to get back out there.

 

[Morfeo]

It's not "great" if she's willing to throw away whatever relationship you think you have with her on multiple occasions. She may just see you as a reliable emotional comfort blanket when she needs it.

This is true unfortunately.

 

[artsi]

Aw man, sorry to hear that. Good on ya getting ready to get back out there.

Thanks man, I'm actually relieved now compared to the uncertainty and emotional rollercoaster that's been running for the last three weeks. I got closure and I can focus in the future now.

Also gym, I need to get some gains for summer

 

[gaiages]

Haha

There is some amazing anime out there for western tastes, but most of it is buried under the stigma it's rightfully gotten thanks to the fanbase. I'd be surprised if you don't end up liking anything Satoshi Kon (most of his work has female protagonists and can be classed as psychological thrillers) or Studio Ghibli have made.

lol! There are plenty of animes I like, I just don't bother much nowadays because I tend to be intolerant of all the fanservice. I don't have anything against anime itself, just that... I don't like most of it xD

If I ever meet a girl down to watch JoJo's it'll be a whole different level of Crunchyroll and Chill...

I might know a girl or two

 

[efyu_lemonardo]

Had another first date ending in the friend zone last night - I've developed quite the talent for this.

On the other hand, the woman I'm meeting tonight seems a bit over eager but hopefully she'll calm down when we meet.