-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
LucidMomentum
Member
There will be, in time. This too shall pass.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Jesus Christ. Can you not? Congrats but like. . . man.
Yeah this is douchey. If the person is on their way it's not a huge deal to wait a few mins. Just cut this one loose man. You aint down for it.
TangerineCloud
Banned
All right, I texted her something more or less along these lines and got a maybe. Said she'd let the idea "marinate" and that she thought I was cool.
I'm not stressing it. When we hung out, she talked a lot about how the idea of dating and being in a relationship made her anxious, and how she quit OKCupid because she wasn't sure if she was really ready to resume dating. So the fact that I even got that response is a positive imo.
So we'll see. I'll hope that maybe turns into a yes, but I won't be waiting around for it. I've got other girls to text in the mean time.
Going against the grain here.
If her being late annoyed you enough to move on, then fine. It's a first date, not marriage.
You do you. Move on, and she will too.
shinywheels
Banned
Hmmm.... It sounded potentially positive until you mentioned that she specifically talked about how she's not wanting a relationship, etc. I'd only say something like that on a first date if I were gently trying to let the guy know I wasn't feeling it. And let it "marinate"?? I've never had to think over whether or not I was into someone. Sounds like she was just down for meeting up as friends, and doesn't really have the heart to tell you as much now that you're backpedaling. I guess there's a chance she's just trying to play it cool, but I'd focus your efforts elsewhere.
direct_quote
Member
I don't think being anxious about getting an incurable disease is something to scoff off. I know in retrospect it's a rather harmless sti, but if I can live a life without having that conversation that would be nice (especially when dating is hard enough for me anyway). And that 1% statistic is from a study by the makers of that drug so I wonder if they are pushing an agenda of sorts...
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Ok GAF! Now it's probably the time to come clean... If you guys noticed the last line of my original message, you'll see the initials "R.R." I was going to go back and edit that post, but figured it'll be better if I just leave a little, "hint" an Easter egg behind, if you will, instead.
Can anyone guess what the R.R. stands for?
Reversed Roles or Roles Reversed...
So basically I was the sucker that got ghosted, it was honestly the first time for me to be (properly) ghosted, and I've been on Tinder and dated a quite a few women for a while now, I didn't take this kindly, not a thing I'd appreciate.
To even be more clear, the only reason I made this posts is to get your honest responses and along with my post send them all to her. It's a bit fucked up, I know, but sure enough it brought her back to "life" and out of "Ghost" mode.
Boyyyy did she have a lot to text me after being completely silent for over 48 hours to my four text messages that are simply asking "how's your day?" "hi" "Hope you had a good day"
For reference, these would be the numerous daily greetings she was texting me every day for the last three weeks, and honestly her text response was timely and within the hour the latest.
I felt like you guys would be more honest if I took the role of the ghoster, since, I am sure lots of guys come here and talk about being ghosted... And I told the scenario as accurately as possible, down to the minute mark.
Anyway, without getting too much into details, what bothered me the most was (she has her instagram attached to Tinder) and during the last two days she kept posting pictures of her drinking with friends, "Watching TV and cuddling with my dog" and other stupid posts... She denied ghosting me, saying her friend's grandmother died and she was too busy consoling and comforting her friend the past two days, and she eventually was gonna get back to me... When I referenced the instagram photos, by saying "For someone who's consistently been messaging me every day, literally a few dozen times a day for the past two weeks, you couldn't take a break between drinking with your friends and watching Tv with your dog to text me a sentence saying "I am going through some stuff right now, I'll text you in a few days"?"
Her response was, "I am not obligated to text you anything"
My response was, "No, no you're not, that's correct, but you're obligated to be at least a decent person and not play games with me and bullshit me with lies, and you failed on all those accounts "
The whole thing ended with me telling her "You weren't a catch anyway, I'm already going on my second date this weekend with this other girl I met on Tinder, (True story) and I may in fact be half an hour late for that date, because that's just me, and I am going to do me, and if she still accepts me after being late, that would be awesome, and if she doesn't, I hope she a decent enough human being to tell me to fuck off right away! Unlike some other child I met recently
"
she replies "Good luck with your date"
Anyway, I feel quite relieved after telling her off to be honest, it's the kind of closure I needed... I am still laughing at how quickly she responded after I sent her screenshots of my post!
And fuck anyone who Ghosts!
This would've been fine, but it's always nice to communicate the reason you're cutting ties with someone.. "Hey you were quite late on our first day that didn't bode well with me as your first impression, nothing personal, but I hate people who are late"
Can anyone guess what the R.R. stands for?
Reversed Roles or Roles Reversed...
So basically I was the sucker that got ghosted, it was honestly the first time for me to be (properly) ghosted, and I've been on Tinder and dated a quite a few women for a while now, I didn't take this kindly, not a thing I'd appreciate.
To even be more clear, the only reason I made this posts is to get your honest responses and along with my post send them all to her. It's a bit fucked up, I know, but sure enough it brought her back to "life" and out of "Ghost" mode.
Boyyyy did she have a lot to text me after being completely silent for over 48 hours to my four text messages that are simply asking "how's your day?" "hi" "Hope you had a good day"
For reference, these would be the numerous daily greetings she was texting me every day for the last three weeks, and honestly her text response was timely and within the hour the latest.
I felt like you guys would be more honest if I took the role of the ghoster, since, I am sure lots of guys come here and talk about being ghosted... And I told the scenario as accurately as possible, down to the minute mark.
Anyway, without getting too much into details, what bothered me the most was (she has her instagram attached to Tinder) and during the last two days she kept posting pictures of her drinking with friends, "Watching TV and cuddling with my dog" and other stupid posts... She denied ghosting me, saying her friend's grandmother died and she was too busy consoling and comforting her friend the past two days, and she eventually was gonna get back to me... When I referenced the instagram photos, by saying "For someone who's consistently been messaging me every day, literally a few dozen times a day for the past two weeks, you couldn't take a break between drinking with your friends and watching Tv with your dog to text me a sentence saying "I am going through some stuff right now, I'll text you in a few days"?"
Her response was, "I am not obligated to text you anything"
My response was, "No, no you're not, that's correct, but you're obligated to be at least a decent person and not play games with me and bullshit me with lies, and you failed on all those accounts "
The whole thing ended with me telling her "You weren't a catch anyway, I'm already going on my second date this weekend with this other girl I met on Tinder, (True story) and I may in fact be half an hour late for that date, because that's just me, and I am going to do me, and if she still accepts me after being late, that would be awesome, and if she doesn't, I hope she a decent enough human being to tell me to fuck off right away! Unlike some other child I met recently
" she replies "Good luck with your date"
Anyway, I feel quite relieved after telling her off to be honest, it's the kind of closure I needed... I am still laughing at how quickly she responded after I sent her screenshots of my post!
And fuck anyone who Ghosts!
This would've been fine, but it's always nice to communicate the reason you're cutting ties with someone.. "Hey you were quite late on our first day that didn't bode well with me as your first impression, nothing personal, but I hate people who are late"
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I get it, Johnny, but you're spending way too much mental energy here. Basically, this is why people ghost.
I'm going to say something perhaps controversial, but unless you're intimate, exclusive, and/or you've been going out for a month, ghosting is fine.
Anyway, there's no harm here: you two weren't compatible and you learned this pretty early on. Frankly, her response stating that she wasn't "obligated to text you anything" was 100% accurate.
This is the thing, and it's part of the unwritten rules of dating that I mention, and which everyone here really needs to understand: the beginning part of dating is full of code-switching and ambiguous language that's not quite lies, but isn't 100% the truth.
For instance, say you have two dates lined up this week. The first person asks what you're doing on that other day...
Everyone who's socially adept says: "Hanging out with a friend."
Basically no one should say: "Going out on a date."
Everyone should assume it means: "Going out on a date."
To be honest, this girl probably did mean to get back to you. She (probably) wouldn't have been consistently texting you otherwise. The stories about the friend were probably true but overblown, and probably done to mask the fact that she's going out with other people -- which she had every right to do.
Anyone else have thoughts?
I'm going to say something perhaps controversial, but unless you're intimate, exclusive, and/or you've been going out for a month, ghosting is fine.
Anyway, there's no harm here: you two weren't compatible and you learned this pretty early on. Frankly, her response stating that she wasn't "obligated to text you anything" was 100% accurate.
This is the thing, and it's part of the unwritten rules of dating that I mention, and which everyone here really needs to understand: the beginning part of dating is full of code-switching and ambiguous language that's not quite lies, but isn't 100% the truth.
For instance, say you have two dates lined up this week. The first person asks what you're doing on that other day...
Everyone who's socially adept says: "Hanging out with a friend."
Basically no one should say: "Going out on a date."
Everyone should assume it means: "Going out on a date."
To be honest, this girl probably did mean to get back to you. She (probably) wouldn't have been consistently texting you otherwise. The stories about the friend were probably true but overblown, and probably done to mask the fact that she's going out with other people -- which she had every right to do.
Anyone else have thoughts?
I treat the first date with someone met through online dating as the equivalent to chatting up a random girl at the bar. It's not a real date, we're not a couple, it's mostly putting out feelers and seeing if there's any connection. It's not worth getting invested until at least two proper dates after that.
Ghosting is a necessary evil. There are some crazy-ass men out there who don't deal well with rejection, and ghosting allows for a more subtle rejection. After one(or two, or three) dates, you don't know how crazy someone is. In this girl's case, would I want to listen to Johnny's rants about other dates? This part...
The girl had to realize ghosting would've been a good move, and she dodged a bullet. He was way too invested into this girl who he had one date with. Either that or his ego is more fragile than Trump's. Who says that to someone?The whole thing ended with me telling her "You weren't a catch anyway, I'm already going on my second date this weekend with this other girl I met on Tinder, (True story) and I may in fact be half an hour late for that date, because that's just me, and I am going to do me, and if she still accepts me after being late, that would be awesome, and if she doesn't, I hope she a decent enough human being to tell me to fuck off right away! Unlike some other child I met recently
And then this
What the fuck? Do you mean Neogaf post screenshots?
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
^ I get you too. But I think even Ghosting requires some sort of etiquette and finesse.
This was one of the most absurd and rough ways of ghosting someone, it's though as if she was most likely ghosted very recently (or if not recently, numeorusly) by a guy(s), and she's just the "eye for an eye" type. Or a backwards "pay it forward" mentality if you will.
To me, it came off that way. And it didn't help that her Instagram history had a few "Ghosting" related memes posted, and mostly memes blaming men as the ghoster of women.
I mean, if "Ghosting" is part of your vocabulary and memes you like to post, chances are I am going to thread carefully Around you. I much rather date a woman who's not even familiar with the term, even if she has ghosted men before.
I've been rejected a quite a few times by women on Tinder, after a first date, after a second date and even before any date. They've all been very professional and classy. The regular "we're not compatible, it's not going to work out"
And it's literally minimal text exchange.
"No problem, it was fun meeting you, good luck"
I've grown accustomed to that kind of decent human interaction.
What stung the most from this Particualr one was how drastically she changed her tone on me. I didn't even initiate the first conversation with her on Tinder, physically she wasn't even my type. This is quite fucked up, but the only reason I started to chat with her is because I already had the app open and was talking to someone else at the time. I even kind of regretted to say "hi" back, but she turned out very friendly and wouldn't stop texting. Told me a lot more shit about herself than I cared to ask or know. Where she works, where she lives, which is practically a block away from me. etc etc. (I called her Out on this, "If you're going to "Ghost" a random guy you met on Tinder, at least do it responsibly)
She did come off a little insecure with some issues of not getting along with her siblings etc some daddy issues etc. Not talking to them. Showed a bit of family disfucntion and holding grudge etc. Anyway she would pretty laugh at everything I said. Which got me going with her. Just as any guy gets excited when women keep laughing at their wit and humour. The amount of "ahahaha" "Hahahaha"s she fuckin texted.
I guess what I am getting at here is, for almost two and a half weeks on daily basis. Without missing one day, she established some sort of a connection, some sort of a rutine and understanding with me, if you will. And I was the one who's always busy, when I finally could find time for a date. She was excited, but as soon as I started running late, she got annoyed, and wanted to Cancel.
Then she went "offline" for two straight days, to teach me a lesson??! To play "hard to get"!? I don't know what her intentions were, but I don't roll like that. If I pissed you off and you don't want to talk to me anymore. Just say it. And let's both move on.
To her defence, the friend's grandmas funeral out of town was not a lie. She posted an Instagram of her and her friends doing Baileys shots. Etc. And that was apparently at the "funeral"
This was one of the most absurd and rough ways of ghosting someone, it's though as if she was most likely ghosted very recently (or if not recently, numeorusly) by a guy(s), and she's just the "eye for an eye" type. Or a backwards "pay it forward" mentality if you will.
To me, it came off that way. And it didn't help that her Instagram history had a few "Ghosting" related memes posted, and mostly memes blaming men as the ghoster of women.
I mean, if "Ghosting" is part of your vocabulary and memes you like to post, chances are I am going to thread carefully Around you. I much rather date a woman who's not even familiar with the term, even if she has ghosted men before.
I've been rejected a quite a few times by women on Tinder, after a first date, after a second date and even before any date. They've all been very professional and classy. The regular "we're not compatible, it's not going to work out"
And it's literally minimal text exchange.
"No problem, it was fun meeting you, good luck"
I've grown accustomed to that kind of decent human interaction.
What stung the most from this Particualr one was how drastically she changed her tone on me. I didn't even initiate the first conversation with her on Tinder, physically she wasn't even my type. This is quite fucked up, but the only reason I started to chat with her is because I already had the app open and was talking to someone else at the time. I even kind of regretted to say "hi" back, but she turned out very friendly and wouldn't stop texting. Told me a lot more shit about herself than I cared to ask or know. Where she works, where she lives, which is practically a block away from me. etc etc. (I called her Out on this, "If you're going to "Ghost" a random guy you met on Tinder, at least do it responsibly)
She did come off a little insecure with some issues of not getting along with her siblings etc some daddy issues etc. Not talking to them. Showed a bit of family disfucntion and holding grudge etc. Anyway she would pretty laugh at everything I said. Which got me going with her. Just as any guy gets excited when women keep laughing at their wit and humour. The amount of "ahahaha" "Hahahaha"s she fuckin texted.
I guess what I am getting at here is, for almost two and a half weeks on daily basis. Without missing one day, she established some sort of a connection, some sort of a rutine and understanding with me, if you will. And I was the one who's always busy, when I finally could find time for a date. She was excited, but as soon as I started running late, she got annoyed, and wanted to Cancel.
Then she went "offline" for two straight days, to teach me a lesson??! To play "hard to get"!? I don't know what her intentions were, but I don't roll like that. If I pissed you off and you don't want to talk to me anymore. Just say it. And let's both move on.
To her defence, the friend's grandmas funeral out of town was not a lie. She posted an Instagram of her and her friends doing Baileys shots. Etc. And that was apparently at the "funeral"
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Nah, I've been chatting with this other girl for a while now, she just lives three towns over which makes it hard for us to get together. Seems like the biggest crutch with our situation right now. I canceled on her twice already, she was annoyed I could tell, but still talking to me, Which is great, and a date coming up on the weekend.
And fuck if I won't tell a girl who I am about to cut ties with about other dates, why wouldn't I? Who cares? She wasn't my choice anyway. She approached me, and literally wasted 2.5 weeks of my time and then had the audacity to bail on me seconds before I was about to pick her up for a date. Who's the fucked up one here? I am not excited or proud to be juggling a few dates at the same time. It's just seems to be the nature of online dating, and it is almost required to operate that way, just in case this exact same thing happens, some insecure weird chick leads you on for two and half weeks and bails on you, literally the last minute. That's not cool, and I will let her know that that's not cool, will also let her know that she wasted my time and kept me from pursuing better prospects.
The whole thing ended with me telling her "You weren't a catch anyway, I'm already going on my second date this weekend with this other girl I met on Tinder, (True story) and I may in fact be half an hour late for that date, because that's just me, and I am going to do me, and if she still accepts me after being late, that would be awesome, and if she doesn't, I hope she a decent enough human being to tell me to fuck off right away! Unlike some other child I met recently
I'm at a loss for words. I can't believe you actually said this. And are proud of it...
Soooooo, interesting day. This is more looking for sex advice than anything, sorry if there's another thread for this and it's too graphic for this one, but I just needed to ask. My friend and I just started up that casual relationship. We talked about it a lot, figured out what we did and didn't want and how to make it work, and we decided to go for it. We didn't have sex today, we just kind of got used to being near each other in non-platonic way with a lot of foreplay type stuff. I've never done anything beyond making out or anything, so this is all new to me.
She also revealed to me that she's interested in stuff like choking, gagging, and other similar things. I thought I was going to be really uncomfortable with at it first, but I don't know... we tried it out just so she could show me what she meant and I really liked it. I'm just worried about hurting her. She said "well with some of this stuff that's kind of the point", but I don't want to fuck it up and make it not enjoyable for her. And while she is being very understanding that I'm nervous and am going to have to take my time and even may not want to do it at first, I don't want to have to ask her constantly. I want to be able to just do it the right way. So, any tips? General rules for this type of thing?
As for the rest of what happened, I think based on that this is off to a really great start. She's wanted this since October I guess. I'm still kind of in shock because nobody has ever really wanted anything of this nature with me, and I'm still nervous that I'm going to fuck something up, but it's going well so far.
She also revealed to me that she's interested in stuff like choking, gagging, and other similar things. I thought I was going to be really uncomfortable with at it first, but I don't know... we tried it out just so she could show me what she meant and I really liked it. I'm just worried about hurting her. She said "well with some of this stuff that's kind of the point", but I don't want to fuck it up and make it not enjoyable for her. And while she is being very understanding that I'm nervous and am going to have to take my time and even may not want to do it at first, I don't want to have to ask her constantly. I want to be able to just do it the right way. So, any tips? General rules for this type of thing?
As for the rest of what happened, I think based on that this is off to a really great start. She's wanted this since October I guess. I'm still kind of in shock because nobody has ever really wanted anything of this nature with me, and I'm still nervous that I'm going to fuck something up, but it's going well so far.
JCIAS, you're officially overdoing it.
Well, best of luck, because friends becoming FWB can be a fast way to non-friends.
re: breath play. Go read up on BDSM communties and their guidelines. But the safest way to do it is to always count off in your head how long you've been holding it and stop when you hit that number. Only use hands, do not use anything like rope because even with a knife to cut it off, things can go real bad, real fast. If she's willing to jump right into it, then she really does trust you, by the way. You can PM me if you want to discuss it whenever you need to if you don't want to go into it much in a thread.
Well, best of luck, because friends becoming FWB can be a fast way to non-friends.
re: breath play. Go read up on BDSM communties and their guidelines. But the safest way to do it is to always count off in your head how long you've been holding it and stop when you hit that number. Only use hands, do not use anything like rope because even with a knife to cut it off, things can go real bad, real fast. If she's willing to jump right into it, then she really does trust you, by the way. You can PM me if you want to discuss it whenever you need to if you don't want to go into it much in a thread.
You obviously care enough to write three essays about it
Texting for 2.5 weeks does not equate to wasting 2.5 weeks of your time. If you're cancelling activities to text, or letting gross amounts of texting get in the way of other activities, that's your own damn fault.
It's you. Definitely. Girl handled your outburst with decorum.
- Ghosting doesn't require "finesse", it requires not responding to contact. That's it. Take the hint, move on, stop wasting energy on a girl who isn't interested.
- You have no fucking right to put quotation marks around funeral. I've been to funerals where we went to the movies afterwards. Know why? An active mind keeps you from dwelling on the sadness inside. A little distraction helps. Fuck you for making light of her friend's grandma's death.
- You're not mad about wasted time. Either your ego's so fragile you can't handle rejection, you can't believe a girl who "wasn't your type" rejected you, or you're afraid to admit you liked this girl. Whatever it is, you're spending a lot of effort to convince yourself that this girl sucks, when if you really felt that way, you'd feel relieved that you no longer have to try with someone you don't care about.
Other similar things?
When it comes to any kind of rough play, safety is rules one through one-hundred. It's damn important. Both parties should be well-hydrated before doing anything, as dehydration can have adverse affects when mixed with lack of oxygen. Safe words should be employed at all times, and if you're doing breathplay, "safe actions". For example, if she starts tapping the bed too hard, you immediately release your grip or gag or whatever, let her recover. Safe actions/words are not optional, and whatever the sub says goes. Their word is law.
Don't go beyond your comfort level. If things are going to work out, she should understand that it'll take you time to work up to what she likes. You won't have to ask constantly. Do what you feel comfortable starting with. If you're doing it wrong or just not in the way she likes, she'll tell you. As you trust each other more, you'll be able to use more force and props. If you use props, buy some emergency shears so that you can quickly remove them, in case of, well, emergency.
We know that. I think we trust each other enough and have thought about it and gone over it enough that we've mitigated the risk of that. Thanks for the warning though.
We only plan on using hands, definitely, I would never want to put her in that kind of danger. And that's good to hear, we definitely trust each other a lot. I'll go look for more info on guidelines and stuff right now. If I need any more advice after the next time we experiment with this I'll be sure to drop you a line, I appreciate it.
Other similar things like just light slapping and stuff (not face or anything, other places). I think choking and gagging are her big things. I'll be sure to talk to her about safe words and stuff like that soon.
And she definitely is being very understanding about my comfort level. She's seriously making this so easy for me, I really appreciate the way she's going about it.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
^ whoa whoa whoa! Slow down buddy
Yes texting someone for 2.5 weeks to end things abruptly, is indeed a waste of time.
I have no idea how precious time is for you, but who the fuck has time for dead end 2 week long encounters with total strangers who end up having misleading you and have nothing in common or chemistry with you and share different kind of morals and values? How old are you that this isn't a waste for you? Hope not old enough yet to appreciate the value of time.
The rest of your drivel I will just "ghost" myself because I can't even understand your nonesense.
Except for the funeral bit. If you read the line above the word "funeral" I say something along the lines of "To her Defence, she was at her friend's grandmas funeral"
The baileys shots however may have been after the funeral, so maybe NOT during the "funeral" since they were also posted at night. (While the funeral was early morning)
And what movie did you see at funeral you went to? Kinda curious, It was probably something really lame?
Yes texting someone for 2.5 weeks to end things abruptly, is indeed a waste of time.
I have no idea how precious time is for you, but who the fuck has time for dead end 2 week long encounters with total strangers who end up having misleading you and have nothing in common or chemistry with you and share different kind of morals and values? How old are you that this isn't a waste for you? Hope not old enough yet to appreciate the value of time.
The rest of your drivel I will just "ghost" myself because I can't even understand your nonesense.
Except for the funeral bit. If you read the line above the word "funeral" I say something along the lines of "To her Defence, she was at her friend's grandmas funeral"
The baileys shots however may have been after the funeral, so maybe NOT during the "funeral" since they were also posted at night. (While the funeral was early morning)
And what movie did you see at funeral you went to? Kinda curious, It was probably something really lame?
If you weren't attracted to her you could have stopped at anytime. Your time can't be that valuable if you spend it on ugly ladies that you don't even like in the first place.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Good point, and I somewhat agree with you, but not all relationships are equal, sometimes it's worth to (mutually) pursue a sexual relationship with someone, even though there won't be any intellectual, or higher level of connection there. So in that regard, the time invested (at the time) was worth it.
Should have asked her to fuck from the start. Just saved you 2.5 weeks and maybe got you a nut.
You're a Dom/Sub relationship now, so as Sala said, SAFE WORD IS LAW, SAFE WORD IS LIFE.
I was also in a similar "people actually want this out of me?" for a personal reason before I started dating, but yeah, have fun with it.
I'll throw you some pointers:
- Subby people tend to get off on being denied sex sometimes. Don't do it often, and never use it as retribution, but as part of the role play. Just putting this out there if you're like me before getting into something like this and didn't have sex much and suddenly it's everywhere and you feel like you need to always give it. You can actually not give it and they'll be even more into you.
- Always have aftercare after doing a rough session. Basically you're transitioning from the role play back to reality by cuddling, massage, etc for a good amount of time.
Also a random fun thing I like to do that you might want to put in your toolbox that always makes a sub explode:
When you're inside her and have her bound up or restrained in some way or even just the good ol' missionary bear hug, and she's close to cumming, lean in and whisper "surrender everything to me" or some variation. BOOM. I swear the last woman I did this too, she clamped down so hard I thought I was about to become a eunuch.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
See you get it, this is very true. I have to even admit I was holding back any sexual conversation, where she was encouraging it...
Without sounding like a total hypocrite, because God knows I'm always down for a good lay,
I'm more in a market for a meaningful long term relationship at the moment. My last relationship, as fun and as sexually amazing it was, it lacked the foundation to be something a lot more permanent and serious. So I'm looking to cover all pillars etc.
So I basically could have done two things here. Swallowed my pride and ego.
Played along with her daily radio silence games. Maybe messaged her in a few weeks, kept things simple and sexual and banged her on a good note and gone radio silent myself .... or what I just did now. Act impatient, soon as I figured out her games, called her out on it and moved on.
In a weird cathartic way I feel good about making the second choice.
Awesome tips. We actually discussed aftercare today and I guess I initiated it without her even having to tell me it was a thing.
And that last tip holy shit. She was losing it just trying out choking and gagging today, I can't even imagine that... Well, this outta be interesting. Thanks for the help.
Count Dookkake
Member
JCITS with the legendary bitch move.
She owed you nothing.
Get over it.
She owed you nothing.
Get over it.
Basically
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsfhADiaP5E
(now you'll hear this and bust out laughing during it)
(sorry notsorry)
Oh my god, I'm going to have to bookmark this so I can easily explain to her why I'm dying laughing during sex hahaha
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
I love you Count D!!
Count Dookkake
Member
I love you, too, Johnny, but you've disappointed me and the rest of the family.
I want you to think about what you have done.
Now go to bed without supper and we'll talk in the morning.
TangerineCloud
Banned
Heh, I can see why it would come across that way, but she was actually just expanding on something we had already talked about.
The whole sequence of events basically went like this:
1. She messages me on OKC.
2. We message a bunch, exchange numbers.
3. When things seem like they're moving quickly and going well, I start to worry. I tell her that I'm stuck on my ex and want to take things really slowly and that I'm not sure if I'm ready to date again.
4. She's chill, informs me she actually just quit OKCupid because she wasn't sure if she was ready to date again, either. Says we can just continue as friends and that maybe something more can happen from there if we're both eventually interested.
5. We keep talking as friends and have a completely platonic meet-up.
6. I freak out because I realize she's super cute and cool. Then I gauge her interest in maybe trying to date despite us both feeling weird about dating.
But yeah, like you said, I'm focusing my efforts elsewhere. If nothing happens romantically with this girl, I'll at least have gotten a new friend out of it (and I desperately need more of these). Until then, I've been talking to another girl who seems really interested, so I'm just gonna revert my attention back to her.
The fuck dude? This is some next level shit
Keep reading. It gets worse.
Oh I did read. It was just too much shit so I responded to the easiest part
You only wanted to respond to a piece of the shit.
jadedm17
Member
I'm just gonna take a few seconds to say you're doing great work and I commend you for giving the effort of telling it like is and trying to genuinely help even when it fails on deaf ears or gets fought ruthlessly by those not ready for the truth, as the case is here and many times before. You - and many other posters here - are doing great work so please don't ever stop.
Messofanego
Banned
I'm not even surprised this is coming from Johnny Cage XD Yeah, you're a dick on this.
Wait, what's all this?
Ok GAF! Now it's probably the time to come clean... If you guys noticed the last line of my original message, you'll see the initials "R.R." I was going to go back and edit that post, but figured it'll be better if I just leave a little, "hint" an Easter egg behind, if you will, instead.
Can anyone guess what the R.R. stands for?
Reversed Roles or Roles Reversed...
So basically I was the sucker that got ghosted, it was honestly the first time for me to be (properly) ghosted, and I've been on Tinder and dated a quite a few women for a while now, I didn't take this kindly, not a thing I'd appreciate.
To even be more clear, the only reason I made this posts is to get your honest responses and along with my post send them all to her. It's a bit fucked up, I know, but sure enough it brought her back to "life" and out of "Ghost" mode.
Boyyyy did she have a lot to text me after being completely silent for over 48 hours to my four text messages that are simply asking "how's your day?" "hi" "Hope you had a good day"
For reference, these would be the numerous daily greetings she was texting me every day for the last three weeks, and honestly her text response was timely and within the hour the latest.
I felt like you guys would be more honest if I took the role of the ghoster, since, I am sure lots of guys come here and talk about being ghosted... And I told the scenario as accurately as possible, down to the minute mark.
Anyway, without getting too much into details, what bothered me the most was (she has her instagram attached to Tinder) and during the last two days she kept posting pictures of her drinking with friends, "Watching TV and cuddling with my dog" and other stupid posts... She denied ghosting me, saying her friend's grandmother died and she was too busy consoling and comforting her friend the past two days, and she eventually was gonna get back to me... When I referenced the instagram photos, by saying "For someone who's consistently been messaging me every day, literally a few dozen times a day for the past two weeks, you couldn't take a break between drinking with your friends and watching Tv with your dog to text me a sentence saying "I am going through some stuff right now, I'll text you in a few days"?"
Her response was, "I am not obligated to text you anything"
My response was, "No, no you're not, that's correct, but you're obligated to be at least a decent person and not play games with me and bullshit me with lies, and you failed on all those accounts "
The whole thing ended with me telling her "You weren't a catch anyway, I'm already going on my second date this weekend with this other girl I met on Tinder, (True story) and I may in fact be half an hour late for that date, because that's just me, and I am going to do me, and if she still accepts me after being late, that would be awesome, and if she doesn't, I hope she a decent enough human being to tell me to fuck off right away! Unlike some other child I met recently
she replies "Good luck with your date"
Anyway, I feel quite relieved after telling her off to be honest, it's the kind of closure I needed... I am still laughing at how quickly she responded after I sent her screenshots of my post!
And fuck anyone who Ghosts!
This would've been fine, but it's always nice to communicate the reason you're cutting ties with someone.. "Hey you were quite late on our first day that didn't bode well with me as your first impression, nothing personal, but I hate people who are late"
You're too much for this place, as always there's some stupid drama queen stuff about you.
electricshake
Member
And people wonder why women ghost...
Messofanego
Banned
I'm sorry dude, you're a dumbass. You know how you get over an ex? Get with someone else! You had great chemistry and spent 6 hours together. Now you're going to throw it all away because you still got your ex in mind who you won't ever back with because there are reasons you broke up and it's likely not to be fixed. She probably really likes you but you're gonna waste it by being fixed on the past. She deserves someone better if you're gonna act like this.
TangerineCloud
Banned
Psst, read my follow-up posts. I realized I was being dumb and asked her out. She said maybe.
Messofanego
Banned
More important thing, you still over your ex?
TangerineCloud
Banned
I'm gonna be straight: nah.
But in the past few days I've sorta let go of the idea of getting her back. Just trying move forward to the best of my ability. Gonna stop holding the new women I meet at arms-length.
Messofanego
Banned
Good. It takes time and meeting others, but you'll get there. Just make sure to be honest with them and yourself.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
That's a bit much isn't it? Did you tell her you would be there in 5 minutes?
Messofanego
Banned
Just apply the Brad Pitt rule. If Brad Pitt was late to your date by 5 minutes, would you chew him out?
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
I don't agree with you that ghosting is acceptable unless you've been intimate/exclusive or going out a month.
There's usually no reason not to send a polite message after a single date saying "It's not it" if that's how you feel. Of course there are times when it's clear to both parties that this is the case, and then sending a message is unnecessary. But if there's a doubt I'd rather be redundant than leave someone hanging.
But I think you hit on a much bigger and more important point: being socially adept.
The way I see it there are two kinds of people in the dating world: those who have already acquired the social skills to deal with the codes and ambiguity that come with the early stages of dating, and those who are still developing the required skills. A big part of the problem is we all like to present ourselves as socially adept even when we're still learning and that can backfire and interfere with the learning process.
When I go out with a girl and get the feeling she's less socially adept than I, I'll try to be extra clear, especially if I don't think it'll work out on my end, so that she can have a positive learning experience. Of course, for a woman, this is much easier said than done as the volume of men you'll have to deal with that aren't as socially adept as yourself is generally much greater.
always crazy bacon
Banned
And all of it, that posting diarrhea, the justification for the behavior, is just because he got his ego bruised. Also textbook online dating over investment.
- Status