I'm attracted enough to have sex with her but not go out with her seriously. That's my point. I'm sure for a lot of people those aren't two different things.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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I'm attracted enough to have sex with her but not go out with her seriously. That's my point. I'm sure for a lot of people those aren't two different things.
Indeed.
By all means text if you've met and things go well, but keep things to a minimum before a 1st date.
My friend was wondering why Tinder wasn't working for him, but when I saw his chats it became painfully clear as to why. He was trying his hardest to find out about the girl on Tinder, which was simply the wrong approach. Granted he has health problems that he may feel need to be addressed beforehand, but even so.
Unsurprisingly 9 out of 10 times the girls just ghost him since he takes ages to ask them out.
Also people may not necessarily approve and find it too mechanical, but I almost always send the exact same thing to every one of my matches to initiate the chat. It simply keeps investment to a minimum.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
For the record I didn't use "screen shots" I just copied and pasted a few of the first comments, and texted to her...with no GAF handles involved...
Literally told the story from her perspective...(accurately word to word...as if she posted on GAF) and sent the first few replies to her..
Anonymous response one "that was dick move dude" [send text]
Anonymous response two: "Not cool man" [send text]
etc etc
It was a lot less condescending and conniving than some of you are making it out to be with the
"GAF SCREENSHOTS!!! HOW DARE YOU TAINT AND EXPOSE OUR SECRET PC/ NERD DATING LAIR TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD!!" rant...
Anyway this post will get lost and ignored like the many before it ...
Think I hijacked this thread enough, I will simply say "Gotdatmoney" you're not really insightful with your discussions, see things as black and white, and make drive by, blanket statement posts, but that's cool homie, keep doing you... and Ge/ot that moneh!!!
I'm taking a break, I look forward to you guys referencing this thread for every future thread and post that I make anywhere in this forum.
Literally told the story from her perspective...(accurately word to word...as if she posted on GAF) and sent the first few replies to her..
Anonymous response one "that was dick move dude" [send text]
Anonymous response two: "Not cool man" [send text]
etc etc
It was a lot less condescending and conniving than some of you are making it out to be with the
"GAF SCREENSHOTS!!! HOW DARE YOU TAINT AND EXPOSE OUR SECRET PC/ NERD DATING LAIR TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD!!" rant...
Anyway this post will get lost and ignored like the many before it ...
Think I hijacked this thread enough, I will simply say "Gotdatmoney" you're not really insightful with your discussions, see things as black and white, and make drive by, blanket statement posts, but that's cool homie, keep doing you... and Ge/ot that moneh!!!
I'm taking a break, I look forward to you guys referencing this thread for every future thread and post that I make anywhere in this forum.
Messofanego
Banned
Hey, "nice guy", when you gonna end up in Creepy Text Theatre?
How quickly are we talking?
If she was scared of being asked out on Tinder she's in the wrong place.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I dont mind if you don't like my contributions. It's an advice thread. You get a bunch of people's opinions and then you can filter out what you feel is relevamt and what isn't. So if people dislike my advice that's cool. I obviously do not have the answer to everything.
But yeah, peace and good luck.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
"You just ignored me. You didn't TELL me you wanted to leave me alone! Besides, I just wanted to call you an asshole through technology because I hate assholes who hide behind technology! ... I don't need to respond to you! I know those were YOUR WORDS! But now they're mine!"
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
I respect this, and thanks for understanding. And this may be shocking , but this isn't the place (the thread I consider) to get in depth advice on dating, basic , simple, quick answers? yes, maybe...
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Dating Age |OT7| The date is real, the texts are fake.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
Self-described nice guys are rarely ever nice.
Everybody knows this, but it bears repeating.
Everybody knows this, but it bears repeating.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Well, in fairness, isn't it mostly...
Dating Age |OT7| The texts are real, the date is fake.
Comparing her looks to an ex will drive you crazy. My first girlfriend was a fucking bombshell. After I finally let her go I spent so long looking at girls and thinking "oh she's cute...wait her body isn't as nice, neither is her hair, or this or that." I stopped a little over time but even now I do it sometimes. Now I just tell myself if I like a girl I like her. That's all there is to it.
I just gotta talk to them.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Also, there's another reason that this is done, but which most don't consider. It's annoying to add online dating contacts to your "real" contacts. One of my friends, while she'll meet up pretty quickly (just not the same day she starts talking to someone, unless they drive a pickup truck with Truck Nuts and are 6'2" or taller...), just won't give out her number until after she's met someone in person and agrees to a second date.
I don't like giving out my number either for similar reasons.
This is it really. I'll admit to the fact that I'm competing with her in my head. Like, if I put up pics with me and some girl on social media and the girl isn't as pretty as her then she'll have "won." I know, unhealthy outlook.
Yep. Attraction grows the more you get to know someone too. It's not just about looks.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Nah I get you, I've been there. I just think it's important to try and divorce your projected "image" of dating a hot girl from what could potentially be a good relationship.
Not trying to attack you or anything btw it's just something I've thought about as well and really want to grow past myself. :O
Not at all, I appreciate the input!
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I'm okay with giving out my number before a date. The last thing I want to do is go on OKC/Tinder to ask them where they are when we do meet up.
Alternative facts! Actually, you're right, but people might be better off if they treated the date as the more "realistic" part of meeting someone, rather than the mountain of texts they share beforehand.
Alternative facts! Actually, you're right, but people might be better off if they treated the date as the more "realistic" part of meeting someone, rather than the mountain of texts they share beforehand.
That's the same exact way I looked at things and again I still kinda do. Definitely unhealthy. I even tried to tell myself that she won't be thinking that she's winning. She'll miss me no matter who I'm with. Except, why he hell should that even matter? Obviously an ex can't completely disappear from a person's mind (I wish mine would) but it's super important to clear your mind of them as much as possible. Or just straight up learn to stop giving a shit.
The inability to exchange numbers shouldn't prevent a first date. You can still message via the apps. I just avoid asking for numbers and give mine and they usually text me before the date.
But I've also been told I "don't look like a creep" so exchanging numbers with barely a whiff of a conversation was never an issue.
I started immediately doing facetimes with girls I meet on tinder rather than texting them. It's way more effective for seeing if there is any chemistry.
Texting is a very clumsy method of seduction in comparison. Just tell them you'd prefer a 5 minute phone call or face time rather than text and be honest as to why: you're tired of texting.
Sorry to say it, but if that's your mindset, you're not ready to date my friend. You need to get over your ex first or else you're never going to give a lot of great girls - girls who you'd otherwise want to be with - a fair shot.
She's your ex. There is no winning and losing. That narrative is in your head and not reality. There's no game, just two people who are no longer together. It's as simple as that.
You should be in a mindset where you want to get with girls you find attractive without worrying about an imaginary scoreboard.
The facetime thing freaks me out but I like the phone call idea.
That reminds me that the girl I've been talking to that recently started ghosting me called me at 4 in the damn morning after her overnight shift to talk for 2 hours. That was our first phone conversation. Now she doesn't even respond to my texts! She also gave me her number first! Why all that effort just to ghost me in the end? I should call her out on it. I lost sleep over this woman.
Gotdatmoney
Member
What did she win?
Hey, I said it wasn't healthy. I know it's a mindset I've got to lose.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I wasn't trying to be snarky. I'm more curious is all. Did she win the pretty game?
Here's what you do: screengrab GAF's advice on the matter and passive-aggressively send it back to her and confront her. Demand an explanation and be firm - who the fuck is she to ghost you?
Here's what to really do: nothing. On to the next.
She's prettier than the girl I'm seeing casually right now, yes. It's only been a little over two months so I'm not, like distraught over the notion I'll never get a girl as hot as she was or something.
Yeah, there was. She stopped responding. That's pretty definitive evidence she doesn't want to see you. That's a normal social cue in online dating, so you better get used to it.
And like someone else said, the first thing you should've done is reschedule the date. Don't say "Hello" two days in a row. Even if she was still interested after she bailed the first time, she certainly lost interest in the next few days.
"Manipulative" implies an intent to purposely trick or deceive you. But she didn't put that much thought into it at all. She simply lost interest in you, and an easy way out is to stop responding. Usually the other party will get the hint and move on as well. Not saying this is a particular nice thing of her to do, but it's the reality of online dating. You can get worked up over it each time, or simply accept it.
If you want to make sure if doesn't bother you so much the next time it happens, then I suggest you stop texting for two weeks with girls you haven't met.
You probably only convinced her to start blocking the guy straight away the next time she ghosts.
Probably about 5-8 messages back and forth.
I also think it's more successful to give them your number and put the ball in their court.
Usually I'd say something like this:
"Would you be up for grabbing a drink sometime next week? My number is *insert number here*, so feel free to drop me a text
"9/10 times it's worked and we've met up.
This thread is probably the only place I've seen that takes this attitude towards ghosting. Any other online discussion/forum I've been to people clearly hate it. Go to r/okcupid and so many of the posts are complaining about ghosting lol (especially when people ghost after like a month+)
I've never had a bad experience just sending a polite text so I always do so, I realize the world doesn't revolve around my values so I wouldn't expect it but it's always appreciated. Ignoring people just isn't something I feel comfortable doing I don't do it unless she's crazy or won't take it well.
Also I love living in Asia where I can just use LINE instead of giving out my number. Blocking is much easier and they don't have access to any other info. In fact I don't think I've given out my number in the past year.
I've never had a bad experience just sending a polite text so I always do so, I realize the world doesn't revolve around my values so I wouldn't expect it but it's always appreciated. Ignoring people just isn't something I feel comfortable doing I don't do it unless she's crazy or won't take it well.
Also I love living in Asia where I can just use LINE instead of giving out my number. Blocking is much easier and they don't have access to any other info. In fact I don't think I've given out my number in the past year.
Probably about 5-8 messages back and forth.
I also think it's more successful to give them your number and put the ball in their court.
Usually I'd say something like this:
"Would you be up for grabbing a drink sometime next week? My number is *insert number here*, so feel free to drop me a text
9/10 times it's worked and we've met up.
Yeah, just by experience over time I've found myself working towards pretty much what you've described here except giving my # instead of asking for their's. I'll try that.
AdventureRacing
Member
Being late for a first date is a total dick move. A first date is all about making a good impression and putting your best foot forward to someone you've never met before. Showing up late is disrespectful at the best of times let alone then. It says a lot about you and ghosting is a totally appropriate response to that on my opinion.
Just accept that you fucked up and move on.
Just accept that you fucked up and move on.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Ah okay. Break up is prob still just fresh man. When you find someone you genuinely like I imagine this will mostly go away.
I don't think people are pro-ghosting here, just not anti-ghosting. As you yourself said, a polite text is not expected but is appreciated. I've been ghosted before and I've ghosted people.
If someone doesn't message me back after a bad date, it's not the end of the world and I certainly won't be getting upset about it.
I'm pretty intolerant of lateness to be honest. I'll accept someone being up to 10 mins late on a first date with no text, if it's longer than that I'll wait if they text me with some valid excuse.
If someone cancels on me short notice without a good excuse, I pretty much stop putting any effort into trying to meet that person. I may consider meeting them, but they better be bending over backwards to make the makeup date convenient for me. Like meeting me at a coffee shop on my block.
If someone canceled on me and said we'd reschedule only to hit me up the next day with a 'hi how's your day going' text? I'd assume they're just looking for a texting buddy and drop them.
That's easy to say considering you're a guy. A women's experience in online dating is drastically different, and it's hard to poopoo ghosting if you've never experienced a guy who's more horny than sane. Some men just don't handle direct rejection well *cough*. Some of the stories my sister told me....
While I'd rather get that polite text, I understand why it happens. Since I can't change everyone else to the point where it's no longer necessary, I've decided to just accept it and not let it affect me.
Ultramantaro1
Member
Looks aren't everything. It's great at first, but it's much more important to get a complete package. My recent ex was the prettiest girl I'd been with, a real head turner, and other guys were constantly flirting with her. The validation feels great for a few months, but when other personality problems came up, I realized I would much rather be with someone more compatible on an intellectual level, even if they're not quite at a 10/10 in the looks department.
I don't see many people defending ghosting here, and I think most people here hate it. If Johnny had come on here and said "Man, a girl stood me up and then ghosted me, some people are really rude.", everyone would've been on his side. Instead, he had to take us all on his little social "lesson".
Which is why I said the world doesn't revolve around what I want and that I don't expect it
Women do put up with far more shit on online dating so I can understand why they do it more, but plenty of women complain about ghosting too.
EDIT - And to be clear, I'm not outright saying you guys are DEFENDING ghosting. Just that the mood of these kinds of discussions tends to be different than other online discussions I've seen.
I'd agree and add that the discussion here is better and more nuanced than the simple 'fuck ghosting' type posts seen inother discussions.
Curt Baboon
Member
The problem was never that.
The problem WAS that you went "You're not even that hot and check out all these random people on the internet agreeing with me as proof that you were a bitch to me!".
That doesn't affect any of us as much as it made you look like a weird petty loser.
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