Holy shit these are something else
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
Holy shit these are something else
names2hard4you
Member
I'm cringing
Holy shit, which gaffer is that texting at 3:05 mark?
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
There is a whole sub-reddit about Nice guys.
I love guys like this. They set the bar so low the rest of us come out looking that much better.
AdventureRacing
Member
Last minute cancellations are similar to being late to me. Both show a lack of respect for the other persons time. If you can't manage to show up on time or have the decency to cancel with a bit of warning on a first date what can I expect when you're not trying your best to impress me?
Both situations need a damn good reason to not just outright end things there. There are plenty of people out there, no need to wait around for someone who won't make an effort.
shinywheels
Banned
Another thing to keep in mind is that a girl's experience on tinder is incredibly different than a guy's. When you've got hundreds of matches, you don't have time to read every message, let alone carry on an extended conversation. There have been times when someone I was interested in just got lost in the abyss of messages, and that was that. Your best bet is to open with something interesting that indicates you actually read her profile, and hope she responds. If so, then suggest communicating through a different app. I do a lot of artsy stuff, and the best conversation starter I ever received was a dude challenging me to a drawing contest. He wasn't as attractive as many of my other matches, but the fact that he clearly read my profile piqued my interest and got me talking.
Are those transcripts from Johnny be good?
The thing is, the people that dislike ghosting tend to feel they are owed conversation. Nobody needs to have your permission to stop talking to you. People can just stop talking. It's fine.
electricshake
Member
Honestly I think being late for anything is kind of a dick move. But definitely a first date. Though having said that, I was late for my first date with my bf - I thought we were meeting half an hour later than we were. He told me when he arrived and luckily I was just about ready and only a couple of minutes walk away. I was still 15 mins late, so he had every right to be annoyed but thankfully he was cool with it.
Seven Force
Banned
I'm super on and off with bring active in this thread so I hope at least some of the regulars remember me from a while ago lol. Wanted to chime in and update, things have been going awesome recently!I'm dating a really cool girl I met at a small get-together in December. She's the best friend of one of my really close friends' roommates and we hit it off when they stopped by - been officially together since last month. First time I actually happened to be dating someone on Valentine's Day lol.
I actually have a sex-related question but idk how kosher those are. 🤔 It's not embarrassing or anything, just a curiosity.
For tinder for sure, yeah. Nothing wrong with letting the convo carry for a bit but "hey what's up" texts are kinda pointless before you meet in person imo.
Good luck man!
Cool, that was pretty much my line of thinking, too. Thanks. (And good shit, Sami)
Wow.
Don't get me wrong. I find ghosting to be cowardly and immature. I'd never do it.
I just don't freak out or take it personally if a girl happens to ghost me. If I get ghosted, I assume it's someone I wouldn't want to be with anyway and just move on without worry.
I still do think it's uncool to ghost someone... but it's also not a big deal because it says more about the ghoster than anything else.
navii
My fantasy is that my girlfriend was actually a young high school girl.
Just on a small part of the ghosting thing. My learned by experience rule is that if you don't get a reply to your message within 24 hours (I'm inclined to reduce that to 12), or if a reply comes after that period, forget about it.
I was on a date recently where both of us knew there was nothing there like 15 minutes in, so we both just talked about our experiences with online dating.
I found it humanizing to find out some of her thoughts, assumptions, and fears around using dating apps to meet men where they have no mutual friends. I already had an idea of some of the things women face with online dating, but it made me take a step back and appreciate that: I've never felt truly unsafe meeting someone for the first time, I don't get unsolicited pervy messages at 2am, and I've never had a date berate me after rejecting them. Understandably, any of these could happen to men as well, but I feel like they're far more common for women.
Men face challenges too -- and we discussed some of them -- but all in all it helped me set aside some of my gripes and empathize with the sort of shit women have to deal with regularly. I'd like to think she gained a bit of perspective on what men have to deal with as well.
I found it humanizing to find out some of her thoughts, assumptions, and fears around using dating apps to meet men where they have no mutual friends. I already had an idea of some of the things women face with online dating, but it made me take a step back and appreciate that: I've never felt truly unsafe meeting someone for the first time, I don't get unsolicited pervy messages at 2am, and I've never had a date berate me after rejecting them. Understandably, any of these could happen to men as well, but I feel like they're far more common for women.
Men face challenges too -- and we discussed some of them -- but all in all it helped me set aside some of my gripes and empathize with the sort of shit women have to deal with regularly. I'd like to think she gained a bit of perspective on what men have to deal with as well.
Help Gaf, teach me how to flirt and show interest!
Okay, lets begin with some key background info in bulletpoint format:
* Haven't been on a date in years.
* Not experienced with women.
* Only just recently started to get my life back on track after a massive setback.
Alright my story, about 7 years ago in my early twenties I suffered a massive setback thanks to illness. This was just as I was about to graduate university and start my life. Up to that point I had only minor success with women. This was not because there wasn't interest, as there was, it was simply a confidence issue.
I couldn't talk to a girl in a romantic way even if my life depended on it. Well as you can imagine, falling ill didn't help in that regard. I fell into a silent depression - the type of depression where you don't even know you're depressed. Where you pretend everything is fine even as your life falls apart in front of you [cue the this is fine meme].
Lets fast forward to 2013 where the story begins to perk-up. Manage to get on a solid medical regimen; feeling a lot like my old self. Went back to uni, got in the best shape I have ever been and began to take seriously self improvement. During my uni time at uni, you can imagine not having dealt with women in such a long time that crash and burn was inevitable. Well it was, but thankfully only with one girl. After the disaster I decided to just focus on my studies and work on my self confidence separate from the quest for a girlfriend. For the first time in my life i decided to improve myself simply for me. Not for anyone else!
That brings us to today. I ended up graduating magna cum laude (last summer) and began to take seriously my career prospects. While I'm not at my career destination and still struggling, I am doing what is necessary to get there. Ignoring my academic achievements, my greatest achievement was finally fixing my confidence. While building confidence is a lifelong journey, I have got to the point where I can confidently talk to men/women; be assertive; not constantly doubt myself and question how I am being perceived by others. I have finally got to that "not give a shit" stage that I have been so envious of others for so long! It feels like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
So to my issue....
Firstly, let me begin by saying I am attractive - I get attention from women etc. But as I said earlier, I have always been so insecure around women I am attracted to, to the point where talking to girls even if I was drunk was impossible. In my goal to fix myself I decided that I would learn to talk to women as if they were guys. Even if I was attracted to them, learning to talk to them like human beings without an ulterior motive was more important. Well it paid off! In the last year I have been going out with friends and even with female friends by myself, which was impossible in the old days as the goal of getting a girlfriend just made the nerves turn me into a tense weirdo. Through experience I can now talk to girls with confidence, and even charm when I'm on my A game.
No more of the old awkwardness as I am not trying to be some stud that I am not even close to being. It really is refreshing. However, I have become to successful at it. I was out with a friend for drinks just last night who I am attracted to, and who I think is attracted to me. The problem is I have no idea to flirt and show interest. I even completely forget that I am supposed to be flirting with her as my thoughts are simply on just having an enjoyable conversation. In short, how do I flirt? At best I can do the arm rub every now and then when something funny has been said. I just have no clue how to demonstrate interest besides, I guess, explicitly saying I am interested in you?
What you say DateGaf?
Edit: I should say I am capable of showing interest when I go in cold, at a club for example where you can just randomly dance with something. That usually gets the point across! However, it is where I have been introduced to someone (not in a hookup way) or just become their friend in a roundabout way (at work for example).
Okay, lets begin with some key background info in bulletpoint format:
* Haven't been on a date in years.
* Not experienced with women.
* Only just recently started to get my life back on track after a massive setback.
Alright my story, about 7 years ago in my early twenties I suffered a massive setback thanks to illness. This was just as I was about to graduate university and start my life. Up to that point I had only minor success with women. This was not because there wasn't interest, as there was, it was simply a confidence issue.
I couldn't talk to a girl in a romantic way even if my life depended on it. Well as you can imagine, falling ill didn't help in that regard. I fell into a silent depression - the type of depression where you don't even know you're depressed. Where you pretend everything is fine even as your life falls apart in front of you [cue the this is fine meme].
Lets fast forward to 2013 where the story begins to perk-up. Manage to get on a solid medical regimen; feeling a lot like my old self. Went back to uni, got in the best shape I have ever been and began to take seriously self improvement. During my uni time at uni, you can imagine not having dealt with women in such a long time that crash and burn was inevitable. Well it was, but thankfully only with one girl. After the disaster I decided to just focus on my studies and work on my self confidence separate from the quest for a girlfriend. For the first time in my life i decided to improve myself simply for me. Not for anyone else!
That brings us to today. I ended up graduating magna cum laude (last summer) and began to take seriously my career prospects. While I'm not at my career destination and still struggling, I am doing what is necessary to get there. Ignoring my academic achievements, my greatest achievement was finally fixing my confidence. While building confidence is a lifelong journey, I have got to the point where I can confidently talk to men/women; be assertive; not constantly doubt myself and question how I am being perceived by others. I have finally got to that "not give a shit" stage that I have been so envious of others for so long! It feels like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
So to my issue....
Firstly, let me begin by saying I am attractive - I get attention from women etc. But as I said earlier, I have always been so insecure around women I am attracted to, to the point where talking to girls even if I was drunk was impossible. In my goal to fix myself I decided that I would learn to talk to women as if they were guys. Even if I was attracted to them, learning to talk to them like human beings without an ulterior motive was more important. Well it paid off! In the last year I have been going out with friends and even with female friends by myself, which was impossible in the old days as the goal of getting a girlfriend just made the nerves turn me into a tense weirdo. Through experience I can now talk to girls with confidence, and even charm when I'm on my A game.
No more of the old awkwardness as I am not trying to be some stud that I am not even close to being. It really is refreshing. However, I have become to successful at it. I was out with a friend for drinks just last night who I am attracted to, and who I think is attracted to me. The problem is I have no idea to flirt and show interest. I even completely forget that I am supposed to be flirting with her as my thoughts are simply on just having an enjoyable conversation. In short, how do I flirt? At best I can do the arm rub every now and then when something funny has been said. I just have no clue how to demonstrate interest besides, I guess, explicitly saying I am interested in you?
What you say DateGaf?
Edit: I should say I am capable of showing interest when I go in cold, at a club for example where you can just randomly dance with something. That usually gets the point across! However, it is where I have been introduced to someone (not in a hookup way) or just become their friend in a roundabout way (at work for example).
First of all, congratulations on overcoming your difficulties. Sounds like you have really gone through a lot over the past couple of years.
If my reading of your post is correct, you don't have trouble meeting girls and interacting with them, but more in making it clear that your intentions are romantic rather than purely platonic?
If this is the case, the solution is just to be upfront with your intentions from the beginning. If you meet someone you're interested in through mutual friends or work events, ask them on a date. Use the word 'date', never 'hang-out'.
If you don't want to do this in person, ask for their number and then message them later asking them out on a date. Again, use of the word 'date' is key here.
I'd also recommend using dating websites/apps. Your intentions are always clear to people you meet on those platforms.
When you actually go on a first date with someone, just talk to them like you normally would. Compliment them, tease them, joke with them. Try to have some form of physical contact on the first date, hugging when you first meet, touching them on the arm, kiss goodbye etc.
Hope this is the kind of advice you were looking for.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Reddit is a cesspool though.
I had a similar experience. We ended up talking for a few hours over hookah and talked about that sort of stuff as well. It's crazy what shit women need to deal with.
LucidMomentum
Member
Ironically enough, some of my best dates have been when we don't have too much in common but bond over previous bad dates and random bullshit you have to put up with while on dates.
I mean they didn't lead to second dates, but they were fun while they lasted.
I mean they didn't lead to second dates, but they were fun while they lasted.
Yeesh, dude you saying your best dates didn't lead to second ones?
Count Dookkake
Member
Flirting and good conversation are not mutually exclusive. You can talk about all kinds of stuff while occasionally reminding her that you are into the idea of putting your penis in her. Avoid basic shit like "that's what she said" jokes.
You will only get better by trying and you have a lot of lost time to make up for, so get at it.
Congrats on the rest, though.
Omega Kirby
Member
Gaf just to clarify the #1 don't rules, never try to date someone you see/met at work right?
Usually a bad idea since you never know what'll happen.
stn
Member
Did you meet him for a date?
LucidMomentum
Member
I'm just saying some of the better dates I've had had just been shooting the shit with someone. Should've clarified some of my best *first* dates.
I've had some awful first dates lead to great relationships lol.
Correct. As tempting as it is, if it doesn't work out, it's usually 10x worse.
At my company, there are people that date each other all the time. The problem is when it doesn't last, those people talk. Rumors spread quick. Reputations build. Obviously that's worst case scenario (besides getting fired) but it's typically not worth it.
This thread sure started moving fast when Johnny decided to reveal he's insane. Fun.
You can post sex related questions, or someone might be willing to take a PM if you don't want all of Dating Age to know.
Sorry your post got a little lost in the shuffle
Take me with you
No me first damnit
This plus all the other OT7 suggestions:
thereitis.jpg
People get salty when they are ghosted.
No one's really pro-ghosting, but it's just a part of what online dating is, so no use getting upset about it.
Yep, that's how it generally is. Don't let all those workplace sitcoms fool you into thinking things will be okay and totally cool when it ends.
You can post sex related questions, or someone might be willing to take a PM if you don't want all of Dating Age to know.
Sorry your post got a little lost in the shuffle
Just wanted to peek at the dating age thread since I haven't been in here for awhile, and damn.
Take me with you
No me first damnit
This plus all the other OT7 suggestions:
thereitis.jpg
People get salty when they are ghosted.
No one's really pro-ghosting, but it's just a part of what online dating is, so no use getting upset about it.
Yep, that's how it generally is. Don't let all those workplace sitcoms fool you into thinking things will be okay and totally cool when it ends.
shinywheels
Banned
You can post sex related questions, or someone might be willing to take a PM if you don't want all of Dating Age to know.
Sorry your post got a little lost in the shuffle
I'll try putting it in email tags.
Quote to reveal:
Hopefully that isn't too weird lol.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Yes, except it's kind of OK if your in an entry level job with a lot of young people, supermarket, theater. If you've got a good job in an office say, that's a no. If one of you leaves the job you met at, it's then OK to pursue.
I don't have any clear answers, just questions that'll help drill into the answer.
Email Tags, woo!
Count Dookkake
Member
Lube + persistence.
You both have to accept that it's going to hurt.
It gets better.
This girl at convenience store, she works as a cashier. I tried taking to her. A couple of times that I see her and we both smile.
I guess I need to ask her, if I'm going to ask her. Because she already knows that I like her and to just do it.
Even though I only ever see her at the store that she works at.
I guess I need to ask her, if I'm going to ask her. Because she already knows that I like her and to just do it.
Even though I only ever see her at the store that she works at.
Ghostshark
Member
Oh dear. I'm having a major problem I don't know how to approach. As I said earlier in the thread, I had a date, we had a great time, and we got along well. I had a concussion today, and am showing signs of PCS. I was told symptoms can last between months and a year. Mostly, I am having random bouts of delirium, minor memory loss, and talking too much.
I finally had my first real date, and I really like this girl. I don't see myself as conventionally attractive, so she must like me for my personality and confidence pre concussion. We're going on a date Monday, and my behavior might be a bit unpredictable. I have no idea what to do.
I finally had my first real date, and I really like this girl. I don't see myself as conventionally attractive, so she must like me for my personality and confidence pre concussion. We're going on a date Monday, and my behavior might be a bit unpredictable. I have no idea what to do.
email tho (quote)
tell her what happened, be honest. Go on the date or delay it, but tell her and she should be understandable to the situation
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Just caught up.
Oh my God, Johnny. That is the cringiest shit I've seen on this forum, and I been here like.... years. Jesus.
Oh my God, Johnny. That is the cringiest shit I've seen on this forum, and I been here like.... years. Jesus.
Ghostshark
Member
I have to tell her, if I try and hide it she might think I'm completely nuts. If she wants to stop dating me because of this, I wouldn't blame her at all. She'd have to be an absolute saint to continue.
electricshake
Member
But remember it's ok with whatever happens.
I have an aunt like that. She sometimes runs away screaming. It's pretty great.
If you have just got a concussion you shouldn't be going on dates. Your activities for awhile should basically be limited to sitting in a dimly lit room watching very boring television (specifically boring, so it doesn't stimulate you too much. Try kids shows.) Didn't your doctor give you some guidance? You want to avoid being stimulated and let the brain heal. Certainly for a period immediately after the concussion.
chicko1983
Member
I managed to restrain myself and didn't ask a women from work out this afternoon.
We were both in the office working (its a Satdy but we have some deadlines coming up) and there is a street parade on in the city tonight.
Her: Are you going to the street parade tonight?
Me: Nah, probably not.
Her: What are you up to then?
Me: Nothing much. I just want to relax and not think about work. Are you going?
Her: I want to but my friend who I was supposed to go with has bailed on me.
Me:.....
Her: yeah, I was reading about it today in the paper. It sounds like it could be fun.
Me:....
And now I am sitting at home and not hanging with this women because GAF has convinced me its a good thing to not date a coworker.
Oh well, may as well check to see if there has been any action on my online dating page...
We were both in the office working (its a Satdy but we have some deadlines coming up) and there is a street parade on in the city tonight.
Her: Are you going to the street parade tonight?
Me: Nah, probably not.
Her: What are you up to then?
Me: Nothing much. I just want to relax and not think about work. Are you going?
Her: I want to but my friend who I was supposed to go with has bailed on me.
Me:.....
Her: yeah, I was reading about it today in the paper. It sounds like it could be fun.
Me:....
And now I am sitting at home and not hanging with this women because GAF has convinced me its a good thing to not date a coworker.
Oh well, may as well check to see if there has been any action on my online dating page...
I've never said not to. I don't think there is a consensus on gaf about this. Just gotta be cautious.
chicko1983
Member
I picked up that it is the general consensus in this thread.
In fact, on the previous page, it is mentioned twice not to date a co-worker in response to Kirby's question.
I have to say, I agree with the logic. It would make things complicated at work as we work closely with each other on projects as well as physically (we sit about 3 m away from each other).
However, its hard when I get along with her a lot and I am sitting around at home at the minute, thinking I'd prefer to be spending time with her.
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