Hey GAF... it's been a while.
So early last year I met the woman who I think I want to spend the rest of my life with... let me back it up and explain. I work in a small IT consulting company and my boss decided to hire a Russian immigrant because she was brilliant.. but also my boss is a pervert and he must have been shocked to see someone in the computer science field as attractive as her. At first I thought nothing of it, there was the obvious physical attraction but I knew she was married so I tried to pay no mind to it. We spent eight hours a day, every day together, and developed a really beautiful friendship. She didn't have a car so I would drop her off at the train station every day, and we would go to lunch together - spending an increasing amount of time together.
It started like this.
Then she started to flirt endlessly with me. Sending texts late into the wee hours of the night and sending videos that would be seen as innaprooriate for a married woman. Hearts and kisses being sent through texts, jokes about creating an FAQ but she rather "fa-q" as in fuck you. Things continued and one day, we were setting up equipment for a major client in Miami and a giant camera fell on her head. She couldn't form sentences and I began to worry and rushed her to the hospital. I waited in the ER four hours waiting to hear back what happened.. thankfully she was okay but ever since this moment she never looked at me the same. This is when her husband learned about me since he found out that I took her to the hospital.
Months pass and we are sitting in my office and I take a look at her phone while she isn't looking. She starts to freak out and she jumps on top of me and we literally wrestle for the phone for thirty seconds or so. Meanwhile the executive of the client walks in at this moment and says "it seems you guys are having fun". After this point I had resolved to end all of this as I knew I was heading into dangerous territory. I didn't think much of it at first... but I knew the age old adage don't shit where you eat. Especially with someone who is married and doesn't even have a green card.
I was rather blunt with her in the following day, we went out for drinks and I confronted her about this whole situation and how she can't be flirting with me like this. At first she tried to play stupid, that she didn't understand what I was talking about, but then the tears started to come. She cried in my car and explained that she doesn't love her husband and that of course if she wasn't with him she would date me. She muttered under her breath that her sister wasn't the only stupid one in the family... I told her that we can remain friends, but I could tell that this wasn't an answer she wanted to hear.
She later sent me conversations with her best friend talking about how "no matter what you choose" I will always be there for you. Choose? As in, there's a choice? Holy shit? Sooner rather later I actually began to think about this, maybe I really do care for her in a way that I didn't want to. A few weeks pass and we are still flirting with each other every day... one day we take a walk down the pier in Miami and we are sitting in front of the ocean. She wraps her legs around me and we share our first kiss. It starts to rain heavily and we run throughout downtown together trying to find shelter.. at this point we are shivering wet and we embrace and kiss deeper. It was honestly one of the most romantic and beautiful moments of my life.
I thought to myself, fuck it... I couldn't help myself. We started to share more and more of these moments, every day when I would drop her off we would spend hours kissing and touching before letting go and going home. Eventually, she came to a crossroads and got into more and more fights with her husband at home. Not mentioning me or the reasons why.. but explaining to him that she doesn't feel there is love in their marriage anymore.
Some more weeks go by and she finally decided to leave her husbands apartment. She spends the next few weeks staying at her friends place and eventually she finds her own room that she shares with a few roommates. I make daily visits and we start a more traditional relationship. I cook for her, watch movies together, laugh together... and stayed the night together. We have sex together, two or three times each day.. with each time better than the last. She screams in Russian while we are fucking and it drives me crazy. This goes on for months, going on on frequent dates, renting scooters, going to concerts and so on... eventually and we start to talk about the possibility of living with each other. The guilt inside of her started to brew and she understood that she could no longer play this game, that she had to make a decision and divorce her husband.
So around month ago, she starts the conversation with him about divorcing. And everything went to shit.
She explained to him that she didn't love him anymore, that she had found someone else and even that she had sex with me. Naturally, he was furious stating how he's going to fucking kill me, repeatedly calls her a whore over and over, how she ruined his life and so on. After this fight, she entered a deep depression and began to hate herself, telling me that she can't see me because it reminds of her of things she did. I was of course heartbroken as I love this woman... eventually she breaks and tells me she misses me so much, that she loves me like she has never loved anyone before and that she needs to see me. We share a intimate week together and things seemed to be back on track... until her husband randomly showed up one evening at her apartment begging and pleading for another chance at things and how he still loves her despite all of this. She hadn't expected this given how the last time she saw him it ended, and once again she enterered sucidial depression, telling me that the guilt is all consuming. This caused me to feel like A constant seesaw, one moment feeling okay and the next feeling like I want to die.
We had a plan.. she was going to divorce her husband and we were going to move in with each since we were so madly in love. She says she still felt this way but she wasn't sure she could follow through.. that she needed to rest and gain strength. So here I am, in limbo waiting, hoping and praying that I can continue my life with her.
She continues to meet with him and try to end things.. but each time he begs and pleads with her. We start to fight, and have dozens of hour long conversations over the phone about how this was meant to be, how we can't give up after all of this, how we still love each other deeply.
On Valentines Day, we meet in person after not seeing each other for two weeks. At this point I am an emotional wreck and can't take much more of this any longer. I would go to work, come home and sleep and cry after each day... thinking that it was over. I told her if you can't follow through, I can't hold on any longer and we need to end this. She freaks out and starts going into a mass hysteria and seemingly understands how she needs to make a decision. We part with a kiss and she later decided she needed to meet with her husband once more. This time she is more straight with him... and she explains to him again that she cannot live in a loveless marriage and he seemingly finally accepts this fact and says "ok". She explains to me that she feels she can forgive herself at this point, that if he can finally accept this.. then I can move on with my life.
I plan to meet with her tomorrow.
I could go on and on for hours about our courtship and why she is worth all of this to me, as well as many other details I had missed... but I feel I have said enough.
