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[ZackieChan]

Would anybody like to help me write/improve my tinder bio. I'll DM you my profile pics and see if you can help improve it.

Sure, send it.
Your Tinder bio should be like one sentence, if that. What's the coolest thing about yourself? Write that. Short and Sweet. It's all about the photos.

 

[IC5]

Hi DatingGAF... first time/long time... Wall of text incoming.

So, I started seeing a girl about three weeks ago. She's smart, funny, drop-dead gorgeous, and very independent. We talk constantly, and have seen each other maybe three times a week. We've got more in common then i have ever had with anyone before. We've been taking it slow- no sex, no labels. But at the same time, I feel like we're getting pretty attached to each other; she broke it off with the other guy she was seeing after the first time we met, and I broke it off with the girl I had been seeing as well. When we hang out, it's usually us, sitting around, splitting a bottle of wine and listening to music and talking until the wee hours of the morning (5 or 6 am). She drove a half hour on election night to watch the results come in with me. We watched the Indians lose the World Series together. And that was great. So, yeah, needless to say, things have been going really, really well. With the exception of my feeling that she's out of my league (and honestly, the minute my friends meet her, they will tell me that in the most encouraging way possible), I've been doing really well (I have various self-esteem issues and after a bad breakup last year, I've been kinda skittish at the thought of a new relationship, but they haven't really been an issue somehow). I've never felt like someone was perfect for me until now.

Until last night.

The plans was that she was going to come over, and we'd have Mexican food and margaritas, and just hang out. She shows up, we get food, I come back and pour the drinks. For some reason, I pour an extra shot of tequila into mine each time, and off we go. Like usual, I can do no wrong. She thinks I'm hilarious. I show her Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. She looooves it. We watch Chappelle on SNL. She's howling. We're talking, and kissing, and whatever, and she takes me by the hand and leads me to my bedroom. Now, like I said, we haven't had sex. The last time I saw her, we got INSANELY close. But we both decided that wasn't the right time. So we get to my bed and lay down. I remember her talking about how comfortable my bed was, and how much she loved my satin sheets. And then I've got nothing. I blacked out. I remember bits and pieces- I know she wasn't wearing pants at some point. I know that I had my hands all over her. But I've got nothing otherwise. I vaguely remember us talking in bed, and her saying "Stop telling me to 'shut up'", but not in an angry way. Next memory I have is her leaving, and I text a few close friends telling them that I screwed the proverbial pooch.

I wake up this morning and immediately go into damage control mode. I know I fucked up. I don't know how, but I know I did. The strands of memory I have are enough to prove that. So I text her: "Your honor, my client respectfully requests a re-do." She's, needless to say, upset, and I can only guess that she has every reason to be. Now, for me to be in the state I was in last night, I can honestly say was a fluke. With the exception of us splitting a bottle of wine when we're together, I can't think of the last time I had more than maybe two beers in a day. I can count on one hand how many times in 15 years I've been that drunk on one hand and still be able to tell you 're OK afterward. But she has a history with people abusing alcohol. And I freaked her out. She tells me she wants a partner, not a project. She tells me that last night moved us back a few steps progress-wise. And I'm trying to defend myself somewhat by explaining that I'm never like that. That I never get that way. That I dated a girl for 8 years that acted like that. I never want to be like that again. But then it occurs to me... If she's dealt with alcoholics before, she's heard that all before. And no matter how earnest I am, she doesn't know it. I don't know what to do. So I just keep pointing out how I want to make it up to her. How I can prove that it was a fluke. That I really am better than that. She tells me that she will see me again. That the best way to apologize is to show her that that isn't me if it isn't. But then she hits me with "I won't get into a relationship unless it's with a healthy, responsible adult."

What do I do? I know I fucked up. I'm curious what happened while I was blacked out, but the last thing I want to do is unpack all of that with her. I feel helpless. I want to fix it, and I want to fix it now. Only problem with that is that one of her parents had surgery this morning, and she's staying there to help take care of her. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I don't even know what I expect anyone to offer as far as insight or advice. Maybe someone can give me some new angle I haven't looked at it from. Any help would be great. I really like her. I'd really like to see where this all goes.

Thanks for reading.

I say go dark, for now. Let her deal with whatever is going on in her life. Let her come around, to you. And when she does, don't drink around her, for awhile.

It was an accident, I think that she will see that. Just don't smother her or get too anxious.

 

[ZackieChan]

I still don't know what he actually did. Just getting drunk and passing out?

 

[Lulubop]

Maybe he threw up on himself.

 

[vypek]

I still don't know what he actually did. Just getting drunk and passing out?

In guessing said something really stupid without realizing it.

 

[ZackieChan]

In guessing said something really stupid without realizing it.

I do that all the time. Shouldn't be a deal breaker

 

[gwailo]

Like me and a couple of other people said, the guy apologizing and texting a bunch of times probably blew everything up more than it was. I've made a few trips to blackout island during my heavy partying days, and if the other person is still speaking to you, whatever you did wasn't that bad.

But her reaction was also over the top "oh my god, you got drunk, you must be an alcoholic" and the whole bit about "losing progress" with someone you've been dating for 3 weeks is too much IMO. Both of them are way too invested in something that isn't even really there (a relationship) at this point.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

I still don't know what he actually did. Just getting drunk and passing out?

Apparently they were fooling around and he kept telling her to shut up.

Also, that message he sent in the morning was corny as fuck lol.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Hey, I wrote a song for a girl again. 😇 Just in case you want to know how corny I really am.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8v16xjjvyr4rhte/Ray Wonder - All In.mp3?dl=0

 

[vypek]

I do that all the time. Shouldn't be a deal breaker

True true Probably not a deal breaker for him either although I don't think the texts the next day really helped

Like me and a couple of other people said, the guy apologizing and texting a bunch of times probably blew everything up more than it was. I've made a few trips to blackout island during my heavy partying days, and if the other person is still speaking to you, whatever you did wasn't that bad.

But her reaction was also over the top "oh my god, you got drunk, you must be an alcoholic" and the whole bit about "losing progress" with someone you've been dating for 3 weeks is too much IMO. Both of them are way too invested in something that isn't even really there (a relationship) at this point.

She must has a very bad history with alcoholics. Probably okay with people drinking but not getting blackout drunk.

 

[gaiages]

I do that all the time. Shouldn't be a deal breaker

I'm guessing by his recollection of her saying "stop telling me to shut up" it was probably more than one dickish thing said.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

How do you all feel about taking two dates on back to back days to the same place? I already scheduled a date end of last week for this weekend at a museum and then after another girl kept shooting down my suggestions of other museums, she wants to go to the same one i promised the first girl. I kind of don't want to do the same thing in back to back days. Not sure if it comes off dickish and lie and say I just went there with a friend so I don't want to go there.

 

[LucidMomentum]

How do you all feel about taking two dates on back to back days to the same place? I already scheduled a date end of last week for this weekend at a museum and then after another girl kept shooting down my suggestions of other museums, she wants to go to the same one i promised the first girl. I kind of don't want to do the same thing in back to back days. Not sure if it comes off dickish and lie and say I just went there with a friend so I don't want to go there.

Be honest?

"Yo I already went there this week with someone else, is there anything else you'd be in the mood for?"

Then it's up to you if you're down to do the same thing twice if she objects.

 

[M52B28]

Hey, I wrote a song for a girl again. 😇 Just in case you want to know how corny I really am.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8v16xjjvyr4rhte/Ray Wonder - All In.mp3?dl=0

NSFL.

 

[WolfeTone]

How do you all feel about taking two dates on back to back days to the same place? I already scheduled a date end of last week for this weekend at a museum and then after another girl kept shooting down my suggestions of other museums, she wants to go to the same one i promised the first girl. I kind of don't want to do the same thing in back to back days. Not sure if it comes off dickish and lie and say I just went there with a friend so I don't want to go there.

I agree with LucidMomentum mostly. Just say you've already made plans to see it with someone else and suggest that you do something else. It's not really lying, you do have plans to see it with someone else, she doesn't need to know it's on another date.

You know this already but when canceling this one, propose the alternative date you have in mind and be specific. Don't be vague and say 'want to do something else instead?', leaving it on her to come up with the plan B.

 

[ZackieChan]

I'm guessing by his recollection of her saying "stop telling me to shut up" it was probably more than one dickish thing said.

Shut up

Spoiler

____________________________

 

[Will the Thrill]

Haven't posted in here in a while but wanted to pop in and say bowling for a first date is a terrible idea, been on three like this and it really doesn't have a good flow, as like a double date or a group date it'd probably be better though.

Spoiler

I only made the suggestion the first time, the other two times they wanted to but now I know to say no.

In general I've been doing worse than over the summer, sometimes it really does feel like something is wrong with me. It's become the whole "Hey lets go out again" and a "yeah I want to too!" and then they always eventually stop talking to me little by little.

 

[AlephAlpha]

In general I've been doing worse than over the summer, sometimes it really does feel like something is wrong with me. It's become the whole "Hey lets go out again" and a "yeah I want to too!" and then they always eventually stop talking to me little by little.

I feel you. For the last four months, things are not going well at all in terms of dating. Problem is, I don't know what changed from before or what I could do to turn things around. In general, I would say I am rather dateable, but it seems that others don't agree on that (and that is what matters) and I don't know what to change. I have a good job, do a lot of sports, am educated, live an interesting life and have a good social circle. Needless to say, the longer this unlucky period goes on, the more difficult it gets.
GAF, help!

 

[Jokab]

Haven't posted in here in a while but wanted to pop in and say bowling for a first date is a terrible idea, been on three like this and it really doesn't have a good flow, as like a double date or a group date it'd probably be better though.

For sure. I've been on one bowling date in my dating life and I say never again. The only way to get some kind of conversation in is to completely stop playing, which takes time from the actual activity (which is almost always limited in time).

 

[WolfeTone]

In general I've been doing worse than over the summer, sometimes it really does feel like something is wrong with me. It's become the whole "Hey lets go out again" and a "yeah I want to too!" and then they always eventually stop talking to me little by little.

I feel like dating slows down in Autumn and Winter. There is a noted pairing off period in September and October when people get in to relationships so there's less available people for you to date, but also the change in the weather makes people less inclined to want to go out and be social, at least in my experience.

If you're talking mostly about second dates, do you feel like the first dates with these people went well?

 

[ruxtpin]

I'm guessing by his recollection of her saying "stop telling me to shut up" it was probably more than one dickish thing said.

Surprise twist, he was just saying that to her vag.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Summer is probably more susceptible to flings as people go home for the summer and travel.

Fall can be a good time for relationships as a new school year begins, but some may be "too busy" with studies. Closer to Christmas and New Year there may be a spike due to the holidays (friends/family asking you why you're single, New Year's resolutions).

 

[Will the Thrill]

If you're talking mostly about second dates, do you feel like the first dates with these people went well?

Yeah, at least in my mind, I've had two specific people who seemed pretty eager to go out again and then they just slowly seemed to lose interest. Both who I did ask out a second time, but then never got a definitive answer, like "Hey you wanna go out this weekend?" and then a "yeah! " and then they would never bring it up again, yet we'd still be talking. One girl I reminded, "like hey did you still want to go out this weekend?" and she told me she'd find out soon, then she texted me back later and didn't bring it up and just talked about other stuff. At that point I just didn't feel like bringing it up again and just stopped talking to her, she never messaged me first afterwards anyway so it seems I was right in thinking she just wasn't interested anymore.

It's just annoying, like at some point I go back and forth in thinking, ok if you're not interested why are you even bothering to talk to me after the date. If they wanted to just be friends they can tell me that.

I'm just frustrated but I understand why, it gets depressing never having anyone even responding to messages on like online dating stuff, or they do once then bam nothing. I'm only 20 but I've never dated anyone for longer than 6 weeks, and that was the first time ever I even went on a date anyway. I've always had a hard time socializing in real life cause of my anxiety and depression but I've done way better with that stuff these past couple years. I've had a lot of people over the years just saying, "lol don't worry about it!" while they have all continuously never had problems getting into relationships and stuff. Though they were all actually attractive, so that's probably why too. I'm not the type of guy people just come up to and start talking to.

I'm just being negative and venting but yeah

 

[LucidMomentum]

I'm just being negative and venting but yeah

They may have been expecting you to make the plans and be less general about it.

There's a girl I know where we have a casual thing going, but she never initiates.

If I don't suggest a time or place or that we should just chill at her place, it won't ever happen.

Which is why things are casual. I've talked about it and that's what she's comfortable with, so when I'm in the mood I'll hit her up.

Don't leave things open ended or you'll probably end up upset when they don't close things out.

I need something like that from a serious relationship though, so after a few dates if I'm always planning things I let them know it's gotta go both ways.

 

[Will the Thrill]

They may have been expecting you to make the plans and be less general about it.

There's a girl I know where we have a casual thing going, but she never initiates.

If I don't suggest a time or place or that we should just chill at her place, it won't ever happen.

Which is why things are casual. I've talked about it and that's what she's comfortable with, so when I'm in the mood I'll hit her up.

Don't leave things open ended or you'll probably end up upset when they don't close things out.

I need something like that from a serious relationship though, so after a few dates if I'm always planning things I let them know it's gotta go both ways.

Well it was a bit more general, I asked if she wanted to come over to my house and watch a movie that weekend and we both agreed on the movie. Then she said she'd figure out a time then never got back to me and didn't bring it up, then that weekend passed and I asked about the following weekend, same thing happened. Idk I just never want to keep asking cause it just makes me feel annoying. Thanks for the response though.

 

[Salamando]

Well it was a bit more general, I asked if she wanted to come over to my house and watch a movie that weekend and we both agreed on the movie. Then she said she'd figure out a time then never got back to me and didn't bring it up, then that weekend passed and I asked about the following weekend, same thing happened. Idk I just never want to keep asking cause it just makes me feel annoying. Thanks for the response though.

Suggest a date that isn't Netflix and Chill, and see how she responds. They might say they're okay doing that on a second date when they really aren't. If they're still wishy-washy on when they can meet, then you should stop wasting your time on them and seek someone else.

 

[ZackieChan]

Well it was a bit more general, I asked if she wanted to come over to my house and watch a movie that weekend and we both agreed on the movie. Then she said she'd figure out a time then never got back to me and didn't bring it up, then that weekend passed and I asked about the following weekend, same thing happened. Idk I just never want to keep asking cause it just makes me feel annoying. Thanks for the response though.

Stop being vague and lock down a date when you first ask. Don't let the weekend pass without hitting her up.

 

[Will the Thrill]

Lol netflix and chill, yeeeaaah I can say I didn't think about it that way when asking, but ok yeah from their perspective I can see asking about that being iffy. I'll remember that next time. And I have talked to them while the original time passed, I guess I was just stuck on "they didn't bring it up so they must not be interested".

I'm gonna try and do some changes to my profiles and stuff, the pictures I have have been working and are fine. But i think i just need more casual ones. (I legitmately don't have a lot of pictures of me in general anyway)

 

[Mastermind Vade]

Semi formal party held by my high school within the next few hours will soon start, any advice(grade 11, 16 y/o)?

 

[EchoChamber]

Semi formal party held by my high school within the next few hours will soon start, any advice(grade 11, 16 y/o)?

Use a fedora

 

[WolfeTone]

Yeah, at least in my mind, I've had two specific people who seemed pretty eager to go out again and then they just slowly seemed to lose interest. Both who I did ask out a second time, but then never got a definitive answer, like "Hey you wanna go out this weekend?" and then a "yeah! " and then they would never bring it up again, yet we'd still be talking. One girl I reminded, "like hey did you still want to go out this weekend?" and she told me she'd find out soon, then she texted me back later and didn't bring it up and just talked about other stuff. At that point I just didn't feel like bringing it up again and just stopped talking to her, she never messaged me first afterwards anyway so it seems I was right in thinking she just wasn't interested anymore.

It's just annoying, like at some point I go back and forth in thinking, ok if you're not interested why are you even bothering to talk to me after the date. If they wanted to just be friends they can tell me that.

I'm just frustrated but I understand why, it gets depressing never having anyone even responding to messages on like online dating stuff, or they do once then bam nothing. I'm only 20 but I've never dated anyone for longer than 6 weeks, and that was the first time ever I even went on a date anyway. I've always had a hard time socializing in real life cause of my anxiety and depression but I've done way better with that stuff these past couple years. I've had a lot of people over the years just saying, "lol don't worry about it!" while they have all continuously never had problems getting into relationships and stuff. Though they were all actually attractive, so that's probably why too. I'm not the type of guy people just come up to and start talking to.

I'm just being negative and venting but yeah

I'll repeat what some others have said, be specific when planning dates. Tell them the time, place and activity. If you make their answer as simple as a yes/no, you've done it right.

I would say 90% of girls I've gone on dates with have thanked me for planning the whole thing and it was a major point in my favour. Some dudes apparently just say stuff like "hey so want to hang out this weekend?", "Yes", "Cool, what you want to do?" This is bad. It puts pressure on them to do all the work involved in planning the date.

This doesn't just apply on first dates. Do it for second, third dates too. Plan everything and make their lives easy for them. You're much more likely to get a positive response.

Semi formal party held by my high school within the next few hours will soon start, any advice(grade 11, 16 y/o)?

Lower your expectations for what will come of this. These are people you go to school with anyway I presume? Why would being at a party with them make them more inclined to want to date you when they know you from school already?

General advice: dress well, go with the intention of enjoying yourself regardless of whether or not you flirt with someone or get someone's number.

 

[Megauap]

Semi formal party held by my high school within the next few hours will soon start, any advice(grade 11, 16 y/o)?

Talk to new people (especially girls if you interested in that). It's a party so everyone will be open and friendly. If you don't then you will regret it (personal experience from when I was younger).

 

[Ray Wonder]

NSFL.

Like everyone of her friends fuckin loves me now because of that 😂😂😂

Embrace the 🌽 brehs

 

[Will the Thrill]

I'll repeat what some others have said, be specific when planning dates. Tell them the time, place and activity. If you make their answer as simple as a yes/no, you've done it right.

I would say 90% of girls I've gone on dates with have thanked me for planning the whole thing and it was a major point in my favour. Some dudes apparently just say stuff like "hey so want to hang out this weekend?", "Yes", "Cool, what you want to do?" This is bad. It puts pressure on them to do all the work involved in planning the date.

This doesn't just apply on first dates. Do it for second, third dates too. Plan everything and make their lives easy for them. You're much more likely to get a positive response.

.

Will do, thanks everyone!

 

[Salamando]

Like everyone of her friends fuckin loves me now because of that 😂😂😂

Embrace the 🌽 brehs

I'll give you this - you're unabashedly yourself. It'll polarize people, sure, but those that stick with you will like the honesty and confidence.

 

[ant_]

Hey, I wrote a song for a girl again. �� Just in case you want to know how corny I really am.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8v16xjjvyr4rhte/Ray Wonder - All In.mp3?dl=0

Like everyone of her friends fuckin loves me now because of that ������

Embrace the �� brehs

You're talented, dude. I couldn't do that shit.

Own it.

Spoiler

How long have you known this girl?

 

[names2hard4you]

Hey, I wrote a song for a girl again. 😇 Just in case you want to know how corny I really am.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8v16xjjvyr4rhte/Ray Wonder - All In.mp3?dl=0

Went in expecting maximum cringe serenade style music, came out with a pretty decent beat and some dope rap. It was pretty corny still

 

[LucidMomentum]

I'll give you this - you're unabashedly yourself. It'll polarize people, sure, but those that stick with you will like the honesty and confidence.

Yeah, I mean he's being himself and he's found a gal that digs it.

That's kind of the goal lol.

 

[Armadilo]

i'll send my tinder pic soon but man, I just seem to have the worst luck for dating ? On tinder I find a good looking chick and we chat and chat some more, so I ask her out and it's ends up bad.

either they never reply back or they say that they can't on that day. oh well..

 

[tearsofash]

I think the girl at the right aid likes me. She always breaks to make eye contact and smile and talks to me more than anyone else and talks to me when I'm outside.

 

[gaiages]

I think the girl at the right aid likes me. She always breaks to make eye contact and smile and talks to me more than anyone else and talks to me when I'm outside.

Maybe? Or perhaps she's just friendly in general. Really hard to assume when someone's at work.

Also, I know it was probably an auto correct thing but *Rite Aid, for some reason that's bothering me xD

 

[Ray Wonder]

I'll give you this - you're unabashedly yourself. It'll polarize people, sure, but those that stick with you will like the honesty and confidence.

I never have problems with anyone, if anything I never hit people up to hang because they all ask me first. I think I'm an alright guy I guess.

You're talented, dude. I couldn't do that shit.

Own it.

Spoiler

How long have you known this girl?

If you reeaaaallly want to know, my previous posts in here say it, but it's not that long lol.

Went in expecting maximum cringe serenade style music, came out with a pretty decent beat and some dope rap. It was pretty corny still

haha awe thanks. It's gotta be kinda corny.

Yeah, I mean he's being himself and he's found a gal that digs it.

That's kind of the goal lol.

It's no fun pretending to be someone you're not just to be with someone.

 

[Izuna]

Update: Took the girl to the restaurant. On the way there...

"I don't think boys and girls can be friends."

man...

Edit: Food is dope tho

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I think the girl at the right aid likes me. She always breaks to make eye contact and smile and talks to me more than anyone else and talks to me when I'm outside.

Maybe? Or perhaps she's just friendly in general. Really hard to assume when someone's at work.

Also, I know it was probably an auto correct thing but *Rite Aid, for some reason that's bothering me xD

I think it's a joke on that guy who made a thread about a cashier who may be flirting with him.

 

[gaiages]

I think it's a joke on that guy who made a thread about a cashier who may be flirting with him.

I did see that thread after this lol. Still, you may never know

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Post I made a week ago;

So not been in here a while, gunnin' for some advice.


- (2 months ago) Get set up by two friends with mutual female friend. We hit it off, she's nice, we click, we go on a few dates.
- I end up staying at hers about a month into dating. Seems like it's going really well, but she is really shy as a person. I get the feeling immediately if she had a problem she'd rather not discuss it due to awkwardness.
- She jokingly asks if we're together, she even meets my folks (not properly, she just drops me off after some drinks and briefly see them). I ask her what she thinks, she says we're getting there, and I say that doesn't freak me out at all.
- (1 month ago) THEN it goes weird. She's busy and has busy job, so do I, so she texts less. Sure, why not. We go out properly once about a month ago, she's notably weird and reserved with me i.e. not kissing me as much, being cagey about our next meet.
- Because she's busy, and I am, we don't see much of each other over the past month. We go for coffee once, 1 hour, 1 drink, and she exits pretty quickly.
- She hasn't initiated a conversation for the past few weeks. Even when I'm trying to contact her about doing stuff.
- We were meant to go out and me meet her friends last week, but she didn't give me an exact time to meet her, roads were closed off due to some kind of event, I would have had to get an expensive taxi and she wasn't even sure she could make it. So that didn't happen.
- I ask a lot of work friends advice, they say to take the hint and just not text her, see if she responds. It's Saturday night and I've had no contact from her for exactly one week.

TL;DR Super shy girl things were going well with gets less and less engaged, hasn't texted me in a week.

Still no text from her (I haven't texted either). Am I okay to be going back on Tinder? I know we were just dating but I feel weirdly guilty about it. We talked about being together, but we never really were.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Post I made a week ago;



Still no text from her (I haven't texted either). Am I okay to be going back on Tinder? I know we were just dating but I feel weirdly guilty about it. We talked about being together, but we never really were.

Yeah it's okay to get back on Tinder. Your list makes it as clear as can be.

 

[AAMARMO]

Hey Dating GAF how's your week been. sorry if i get annoying in here

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Yeah it's okay to get back on Tinder. Your list makes it as clear as can be.

So I don't need to text calling it off? My friends said that might be even weirder than just letting it go silent.

 

[Pasta_Soup]

So I don't need to text calling it off? My friends said that might be even weirder than just letting it go silent.

There's nothing to call off. You guys aren't together. No need to feel any type of guilt. Doesn't matter if you guys were talking about potentially "being together." Actions speak louder than words, and things seemed to have died off going by your brief history with her.