Count Dookkake
Member
You could make a lot of money selling a Chris Evans vibe.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
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Don't have time to watch at the moment, on break, but this is why i keep telling all my male buddies you need to be sending out like 20 messages a day minimum. Too many dudes try to optimize not ever getting rejected and take a surface level interaction to hear pointlessly. You gotta put yourself out there.
ZackieChan
Member
I need to cultivate some mass. Dude was constantly bench pressing on the show. And REALLY shave my head.
I'll crack you off a piece of this Giamatti vibe for $5.
artsi
Member
Where can I get a Ryan Gosling vibe? I already have the sleepy eyes thing going on.
thesoapster
Member
I messaged someone on OKC who liked me first. It's the first message I've ever sent...wondering if I overdid it? It went something like...
"hey, how are things going? I liked what I read in your profile, and in particular your area of work. I've worked with many people in the same field at my own job and have made some very good friends. since you mentioned you love to travel, do you have a favorite place that you've been?"
Or something to that effect. I read OKC's own tips. Apparently it's statistically bad to start off a conversation complimenting her looks, but I dunno? Maybe she'll message back, but it's been a few days.
Question 2 - I've (honestly) stated that my body type right now is overweight (so this shows up right next to my height). It's something I'm working on. Do I convey that somewhere in my profile? I don't want to put specifically that I run fairly regularly and lift weights etc. because it feels a little self-absorbed.
"hey, how are things going? I liked what I read in your profile, and in particular your area of work. I've worked with many people in the same field at my own job and have made some very good friends. since you mentioned you love to travel, do you have a favorite place that you've been?"
Or something to that effect. I read OKC's own tips. Apparently it's statistically bad to start off a conversation complimenting her looks, but I dunno? Maybe she'll message back, but it's been a few days.
Question 2 - I've (honestly) stated that my body type right now is overweight (so this shows up right next to my height). It's something I'm working on. Do I convey that somewhere in my profile? I don't want to put specifically that I run fairly regularly and lift weights etc. because it feels a little self-absorbed.
Infatuation isn't a bad thing if you like her and she likes you. As long as you don't act on it in negative ways (clingness, controlling/manipulative, etc), there's no problem for feeling puppy love for someone else lol. Just remember that if you get into a long term relationship, things like that eventually fade, though that doesn't mean you're not in love anymore.
If it was for someone that didn't reciprocate, the easiest thing would be to cut contact.
Sorry for the double post, Internet Explorer is the absolute pits.
I recommend also posting this in the Online Dating OT, those types of questions usually get better in depth responses there.
I recommend also posting this in the Online Dating OT, those types of questions usually get better in depth responses there.
thesoapster
Member
Thanks! I can edit/remove my question from here so that it's only in one place, if it matters.
Incendiary
Banned
I've been seeing a girl for about a month or so now. We get along great, I get a smile on my face when we text each other, and I feel super comfortable around her already, but I also feel like there's something missing. It's kind of unexplainable - just that extra spark is missing. Like there's nothing wrong and I don't want to stop dating her, but at the same time I'm not sure how long-term I want it to be. It's a weird position because usually by now I know whether I want to be all-in or if I'm not feeling it.
Good news is I don't have to do any deciding since she and I are both into nontraditional relationships, so I'm just gonna keep on keeping on.
When the "dorky but still attractive" guy was popular in Hollywood, I got a lot of Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal comparisons. Not so much when Jake became actually hot, though.
There's nothing wrong with infatuation at the beginning of a relationship as long as you're aware it'll come down to normal eventually. Don't overthink it because you'll end up playing yourself almost assuredly.
Good news is I don't have to do any deciding since she and I are both into nontraditional relationships, so I'm just gonna keep on keeping on.
When the "dorky but still attractive" guy was popular in Hollywood, I got a lot of Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal comparisons. Not so much when Jake became actually hot, though.
There's nothing wrong with infatuation at the beginning of a relationship as long as you're aware it'll come down to normal eventually. Don't overthink it because you'll end up playing yourself almost assuredly.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Internet Explorer? Why? (Off topic I know)
ZackieChan
Member
I've been seeing a girl for about a month or so now. We get along great, I get a smile on my face when we text each other, and I feel super comfortable around her already, but I also feel like there's something missing. It's kind of unexplainable - just that extra spark is missing. Like there's nothing wrong and I don't want to stop dating her, but at the same time I'm not sure how long-term I want it to be. It's a weird position because usually by now I know whether I want to be all-in or if I'm not feeling it.
Good news is I don't have to do any deciding since she and I are both into nontraditional relationships, so I'm just gonna keep on keeping on.
When the "dorky but still attractive" guy was popular in Hollywood, I got a lot of Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal comparisons. Not so much when Jake became actually hot, though.
There's nothing wrong with infatuation at the beginning of a relationship as long as you're aware it'll come down to normal eventually. Don't overthink it because you'll end up playing yourself almost assuredly.
I'm riding this "dad bod" wave all the way to the bank.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
With so many posts in this thread about dates that stem from Tinder, this is entire thread is basically an online dating OT
Incendiary
Banned
You and me both.
I'd argue Tinder is an altogether different beast from what's considered online dating. I approach it differently vs a site like POF or OKC that offer full profiles. Some things you treat the same, like good photos, but I think Tinder is a much more mainstream and low effort approach to dating for a lot of people. I've definitely met girls on Tinder who see it as an extension of "regular" dating.
ErrorMacro
Member
I don't know man, maybe this is your way to show emotion? Some people are more reserved when it comes to feelings, other people are not. There is no right or wrong way. The first girl, for example, maybe she admires you particularly because of your reserved ways. And maybe, it is not that you can't show emotion that things fall apart, but rather because of you overthinking about t, instead of acting your own way.
You can keep it here too if you want, just sometimes it's best to get a bunch of opinions... Provided you don't update each thread daily with the exact some post ;p
Work computer and we're not allowed to download anything else for security reasons
ZackieChan
Member
You can keep it here too if you want, just sometimes it's best to get a bunch of opinions... Provided you don't update each thread daily with the exact some post ;p
Work computer and we're not allowed to download anything else for security reasons
I heard you get better OKC matches on IE6
Swipe right to join webring
ZackieChan
Member
Ayyy
Just as an update on my dumb self being hooked into this girl for nothing:
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkk, she did it again. She was online, I was ready to end up this once and for all properly, I said hello, she left me on "seen", I send her another hello, she left me on seen again and then immediately goes offline. This was the last nail in the coffin. I was willing to help her but it truly feels like if she was 12 with that behavior and ain't got no time to deal with that anymore, even tho, I already wasted enough time with her, offering my help and genuine support only to get ignored. But... just an hour ago, she send me the usual long "sorry" message of the day for ignoring me last night... and I gotta admit that I'm tempted to answer her because god damn this are the type of messages that got me so hooked into her because she tells me the sweetest and most inspiring things nobody has ever said to me so I feel shitty not answering her but I think it's for the best, otherwise I would get into this vicious circle of nothingness again.
Will probably just talk to her for the last time tonight if she doesn't freaking ignore me and then suddenly goes offline, so I can let her know why I'm moving forward without her and to wish her all the best because at least I'm grateful for all the nice things she said to me during this months (even though, not sure anymore if she was being genuine or just saying it for the sake of saying something.) I guess the fact she's 20 and I'm 26 affects somehow because you have a totally different way to look at life in general when you're 26 compared to when you're 20 and I guess that influenced between us somehow. 6 years of difference is quite noticeable in those aspects. I was dumb for believe that things will improve if I'm patient and stick with it, but after 6 months of 85% anxiety, excuses and depressive thoughts with her, better to move the hell on.
Thanks guys for your replies and for opening my eyes on this situation, otherwise I would had continue drowning in anxiety with this situation moving in circles.
I already logged on Tinder for the first time in a while today but without any hopes anymore TBH. I hate that I have to rely on this damn app to meet girls but what can I do when I barely go out to parties to meet new people since I literally have no friends : / Sigh, let's see what happens. Once again thanks to you all.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkk, she did it again. She was online, I was ready to end up this once and for all properly, I said hello, she left me on "seen", I send her another hello, she left me on seen again and then immediately goes offline. This was the last nail in the coffin. I was willing to help her but it truly feels like if she was 12 with that behavior and ain't got no time to deal with that anymore, even tho, I already wasted enough time with her, offering my help and genuine support only to get ignored. But... just an hour ago, she send me the usual long "sorry" message of the day for ignoring me last night... and I gotta admit that I'm tempted to answer her because god damn this are the type of messages that got me so hooked into her because she tells me the sweetest and most inspiring things nobody has ever said to me so I feel shitty not answering her but I think it's for the best, otherwise I would get into this vicious circle of nothingness again.
Will probably just talk to her for the last time tonight if she doesn't freaking ignore me and then suddenly goes offline, so I can let her know why I'm moving forward without her and to wish her all the best because at least I'm grateful for all the nice things she said to me during this months (even though, not sure anymore if she was being genuine or just saying it for the sake of saying something.) I guess the fact she's 20 and I'm 26 affects somehow because you have a totally different way to look at life in general when you're 26 compared to when you're 20 and I guess that influenced between us somehow. 6 years of difference is quite noticeable in those aspects. I was dumb for believe that things will improve if I'm patient and stick with it, but after 6 months of 85% anxiety, excuses and depressive thoughts with her, better to move the hell on.
Thanks guys for your replies and for opening my eyes on this situation, otherwise I would had continue drowning in anxiety with this situation moving in circles.
I already logged on Tinder for the first time in a while today but without any hopes anymore TBH. I hate that I have to rely on this damn app to meet girls but what can I do when I barely go out to parties to meet new people since I literally have no friends : / Sigh, let's see what happens. Once again thanks to you all.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Hahahahaha she was totally being overly nice, I'm as far from being Captain America as Sebastian Shaw.
... Though I'd settle for looking like Sebastian Shaw.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
So have I, it's because Tinder is so mainstream it now seems "normal", but it's still online dating. You're selecting profile pictures, descriptions and have to chat online before meeting. Last I checked, OKC even had a similar feature to Tinder.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Aren't they all owned by the same person or something? Both OKC and POF have this feature.
It's a complete waste of time because the amount of users on POF/OKC (in my area at least) is nowhere near that of Tinder.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I wish I could see these conversations, although maybe not, honestly.
Good luck on Tinder, and really stop with this 6 month girl. That's a long time without seeing each other, and you seem very emotionally invested (As evidence by the length of the posts you're writing) in something that hurts you constantly.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
DON'T TALK TO HER AGAIN
There's no shame in Tinder. it is just a means of meeting cool sexy people.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Something that it took me a LONG time to learn with Tinder and dating apps in general
1. Establish rudimentary connection
2. Ask for number
3. Ask to meet up.
4. If they say no/give excuse, move on
Rinse, repeat. No point wasting time.
1. Establish rudimentary connection
2. Ask for number
3. Ask to meet up.
4. If they say no/give excuse, move on
Rinse, repeat. No point wasting time.
ErrorMacro
Member
Yeah, this is my process as well. From 1. until 2. is usually for 1-2 days after match, depending on how quickly the girl answers. Then, from 2. to 3. , usually 5-7 days, depending on how well the conversation flows.
Plus, at stage 4., I'd advise to just swift focus and keep their contact as a future alternative. Some girls, I could only go on dates a loooong time after first contact (like, two months), but I kept enough consistent chat so I could actually schedule something when I had the chance. I just did not put too much focus on them, and keep their contact more as an alternative.
But seriously, set up a date as quickly as possible. The longer you take to set up the date, the harder it will b to set up it.
EDIT: Another important hint to never forget: Although it may seem a Tinder girl is exclusively talking to you, they usually have many, many matches. That's one of the main reasons you do not wait to much to ask her out. The more you wait, the higher the chance that she'll lose interest o just go out with other guy instead.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I honestly try to bypass (1) as much as possible and move immediately to (3), yes I have met many girls without getting their number and just kept chatting on the app. I actually prefer it that way, so I don't have a bunch of useless contacts in my phone
peanutbutterlatte
Member
LOL this is true. My colleague was laughing at how many girls I have with the surname as (Tinder) in my phone. I need to do some spring cleaning...
Count Dookkake
Member
Commanche Raisin Toast
Member
Same. Especially considering you can get looked up in a surprising number of ways simply through your phone number alone. Giving someone your number is giving them access to a lot of your online presence and/or personal info whether you realize it or not.
I keep it in the app unless either the app is being really shitty (okc) or we're hitting it off REALLY WELL and I take a particular shining to them. So it's pretty rare.
And a far as the order you do things in, I also prefer to get to the meeting up part as soon as I can. I feel like I'm much more relaxed and casual when socializing in person with a stranger than I over text with a stranger. Some of my humor and such require the full experience to see what my mannerisms are etc. Same for women.
SmackDaddy
Member
I want someone to check out my Tinder and give me their thoughts. I'm getting literally 0 matches after swiping on and off for a week, and I think I'm a real sexy fella. If you are willing to help for a second, can you PM me real quick so I don't spam my info over all of Gaf? Thanks in advance!
Gotdatmoney
Member
Work computer and we're not allowed to download anything else for security reasons
I would rather be unemployed than use IE (not really but boy that browser is shit).
I aint even read this shit. No one is trying to read a novel about a boy and a girl having Tinder silence. If you can't stop talking to this girl then minimally give a summary. It's going nowhere as of the last 3 times you posted about it. You know what to do.
There is notjing wrong with using Tinder for dating. If you think there is you already show signs that you need to grow your confidence.
And if you want friends go do shit to make friends. Take up a social hobby. Talk to people at the bar. Attend meet ups.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Tinder is ultimately a Hot or Not app, period, if the girl is attracted to me she will meet me without going through the endless bullshit small talk
Incendiary
Banned
As an add-on: Talking to her again gives her the ability to con you or say she's sorry or whisper sweet nothings to start the cycle over. Drop her and move on. You say she's 20 and in school? Likely you're not the only guy she talks to and she probably goes to you for attention when she's not getting it from the guys that she actually meets in person. Go dark, cease all communication and don't look back.
And as a follow-up to my follow-up: ceasing communication abruptly with a girl with this type of personality has a good chance of making her more interested in getting your attention. Don't fall for anything she might do because you're better off with somebody who doesn't fuck with you like she has.
Dude just needs to ignore, block, and move on. If she finds a crack in his defenses, block her again and move on.
There's isn't anything else that needs said here.
PixelatedBookake
Junior Member
I have the same thing. I sympathize with you man. 2016 was a terrible year for me and made my depression even worse. Tried to have a relationship with this girl but I feel as if I didn't show enough emotion towards her and that made her lose interest. Thinking back on it she wasn't prolly wasn't that interested in the first place, but trying to deal with myself forcing feeling and sort of faking it due to my depression is tough as hell. I see a therapist but not often. Hopefully you can find an answer for your problem.
So I was about to ask my crush today but I just couldnt do it. It wasn't really the best environnement (super cold outside and her bus was coming) so I just didnt ask... but now I keep thinking about it and I don't even enjoy gaming or watching something...
See, we aren't exactly friends... not officially I mean.
She's helping me with my French (it's a job my uni gave to student with good grade for student with difficulty) and we will see eachother next year but I will not wait till next year. Never a girl laugh as much as my jokes than her, I will not let her go.
I might surprise her on the way to her class next monday...
See, we aren't exactly friends... not officially I mean.
She's helping me with my French (it's a job my uni gave to student with good grade for student with difficulty) and we will see eachother next year but I will not wait till next year. Never a girl laugh as much as my jokes than her, I will not let her go.
I might surprise her on the way to her class next monday...
Damerman
Member
Waiting for the bus is a flawless opportunity to ask! Wtf... just ask to grab coffee or lunch together, that takes seconds that the cold or the bus wont interfere with. There are very few exceptions when not to ask a person out if you already speak to them frequently enough. No excuses man.
DJ Lushious
Member
Sorry, DatingGAF, this is going to be long. I need to dump these thoughts/feelings.
I'm 35 and single. It's been two years since I've had a relationship. There's been some dates here and there, but nothing special and with little frequency. I'm on a losing streak. And the older I get the more it seems the idea of me being forever alone is cemented.
All my friends are married. I live in a small town of ~15,000 that doesn't have shit for meeting people outside of a bar. I'm close enough to Chicago that all of the online dating hits are from there, yet far enough away that there's no way anyone would consider such a dating distance (40+ miles). So, it's pretty much a barren wasteland for meeting people.
Tinder hasn't worked for me for shit, so much so that I had it off my phone for over a month recently. OKCupid and Plenty of Fish haven't done much, either. There's a lot of single mothers there or people not my type. I can't have children, which I'm cool with, so I sure as hell don't want somebody else's. And not wanting/being able to have children kills any other slight potentials.
It's hard to find dates and even harder to make new friends at this age and situation. There's a teacher I work with, where we've had long talks at work (it's been an hour in the blink of an eye type talks), so I asked her out to coffee on Thursday.
Dating a coworker is dangerous, I know. Been there, done that, got the forever-lasting scars to prove it. It's not my intention for asking her out, it's just to have these awesome talks about movies and joking, etc outside of the work environment.
Well, after giving me her number, I texted her to finalize plans yesterday. I got an excuse (a valid one) and then ghosted.
My point to this story is that's how helpless I am. I can't even make new friends! All of the above just ball up into this emotionally painful wound that has been festering for a long time. And since I turned 35 (last month), there's been a reflective "how/where did I fuck up so badly to be here?" element that makes it all hurt more.
Any advice from my fellow GAFfers? Anyone been in similar situations or have friends/family that were, also? If so, how'd they get out of the rut?
I'm 35 and single. It's been two years since I've had a relationship. There's been some dates here and there, but nothing special and with little frequency. I'm on a losing streak. And the older I get the more it seems the idea of me being forever alone is cemented.
All my friends are married. I live in a small town of ~15,000 that doesn't have shit for meeting people outside of a bar. I'm close enough to Chicago that all of the online dating hits are from there, yet far enough away that there's no way anyone would consider such a dating distance (40+ miles). So, it's pretty much a barren wasteland for meeting people.
Tinder hasn't worked for me for shit, so much so that I had it off my phone for over a month recently. OKCupid and Plenty of Fish haven't done much, either. There's a lot of single mothers there or people not my type. I can't have children, which I'm cool with, so I sure as hell don't want somebody else's. And not wanting/being able to have children kills any other slight potentials.
It's hard to find dates and even harder to make new friends at this age and situation. There's a teacher I work with, where we've had long talks at work (it's been an hour in the blink of an eye type talks), so I asked her out to coffee on Thursday.
Dating a coworker is dangerous, I know. Been there, done that, got the forever-lasting scars to prove it. It's not my intention for asking her out, it's just to have these awesome talks about movies and joking, etc outside of the work environment.
Well, after giving me her number, I texted her to finalize plans yesterday. I got an excuse (a valid one) and then ghosted.
My point to this story is that's how helpless I am. I can't even make new friends! All of the above just ball up into this emotionally painful wound that has been festering for a long time. And since I turned 35 (last month), there's been a reflective "how/where did I fuck up so badly to be here?" element that makes it all hurt more.
Any advice from my fellow GAFfers? Anyone been in similar situations or have friends/family that were, also? If so, how'd they get out of the rut?
ZackieChan
Member
Get a new job and move out of the small town.
DJ Lushious
Member
I'm a homeowner with a house that is practically unsellable (I tried), so as good of a piece of advice as that is, it's not viable.
Something like this will definitely do the trick. It seems you're from a small town in Missouri or Illinois.
Try to move out and use your favorite activities as a way to meet people. Like rock climbing? Join a gym or group to climb with people within your age group. I joined a studio and I've met quite a bit of new people.
It seems you need access to more people to experience in general, so moving to a city that is even a little bigger will make a good difference.
Also, erase the online dating apps. They're not going to make you feel better in the state you're in.
(Oops) just read your response. What are your activities since moving is out of the picture?
peanutbutterlatte
Member
If you want to date people your own age at 35, I think you might have to lift the blanket ban on single mothers...
So that girl I dated on Thursday has gone a bit cold on me since. Could just be she's busy, but I find myself anxious now. Things were going splendidly when I was laid back and not that bothered. I was pretty sceptical up until the date itself. Then I met her and she was great, and now I'm all on edge.
I completely lose my cool when I find myself really liking a girl. Need to work on that.
So that girl I dated on Thursday has gone a bit cold on me since. Could just be she's busy, but I find myself anxious now. Things were going splendidly when I was laid back and not that bothered. I was pretty sceptical up until the date itself. Then I met her and she was great, and now I'm all on edge.
I completely lose my cool when I find myself really liking a girl. Need to work on that.
Messofanego
Banned
Read the thread title, just ask her out for coffee or whatever. If she rejects you, GOOD, you can move on safe in the knowledge that you found out what her feelings are towards you and don't have to be left in suspense over another year. If she accepts, GOOD. It's a win win situation, really, just don't get very emotionally attached to people when nothing has happened.
I second this! Might as well ask her and say that you tried, instead of sitting there wondering what would happen if you had. No matter the outcome, you'll be moving forward. You've got this!! I believe in you
Count Dookkake
Member
Oh boy.
Have you had a girlfriend before?
Do you often ask girls out?
How do you ask a girl out?
How long do you usually wait, from having a crush, to ask her out?
Pro-tip: you asking a girl out should not be viewed as surprising her.
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