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[Salamando]

Who knows if it's bullshit or not: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/80-s...brunson?trk=hp-feed-article-title-channel-add

Ah, so nothing based in science. Just using numbers to appear official when in reality its bullshit. And he's talking about Global rates, and Japan would account for a lot of singles not dating.

 

[amanset]

Your friend sounds desperate for some drama.

By all means tell her though, ready yourself for rejection. I'm curious, how will you handle potential rejection?

You seem crazy invested and I can't see you taking a no with grace with you saying shit like you're already unraveling.

I mean, Jesus... it's embarrassing.

Maybe I overstate things.

I'm not invested. I'm just trying to deal with having feelings with someone that is always there. I work with her. I socialise with her.

But I get how it sounds. And yes, I have used the word "embarrassing" to refer to myself over this.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I've heard that no-one know what dating means any more from single friends.

The rest is, as Sala said, bullshit.

 

[amanset]

Yes to this.

And what do you think the best-case scenario is? She leaves her boyfriend and confesses that she's been madly in love with you the whole time too?

You already know the answer.

Yes I do know the answer. I'm not pretending there is any scenario where I end up with her.

ETA:
For a bit of background, this isn't someone I have recently met. This is someone I've worked with for four years with feelings slowly growing.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

As an update to this.

Last night the good friend basically begged me to tell her. Yes, we were drunk at it was about 3am out on the street in wintertime Stockholm, but she begged. And cried. And threatened to tell her if I don't.

All I would say to my friend is to stay outta it. I dunno about you but I feel some type of way about people thinking they should do shit after I explicitly tell them not to.

Her argument is that I am a mess and the reason I am a mess is that I just don't know.

Who cares what her reason is. You said no. That should be the end of the discussion. I encourage you to make it so.

I need an answer, closure. Either she says "I had no idea, shit, I need to think about this" or she just says "no". But either way I'll know.

You don't always get closure in life. It's a skill to be able to understand and accept that.

But I still have my principles. I still feel someone in a relationship (as an aside, apparently a relationship that is currently having a few issues) is off limits. A no go. Say nothing.

I encourage you to continue not getting involved. As an aside I don't promote pursuing taken people not because its wrong (it is wrong make no mstake) but because it rarely works out. Healthy relaionships are not born out of injecting yourself into a fucked up situation. And you work with this person too. Just a recipe for a shit stew, extra steamy.

But then there is the me being a mess.

Fall for girls you're in serious committments with. Don't be a mess over some girl you aint dating, you aint having sex with and you aint even know has any feels for you.

Additionally, I thought I just had to get to the new job and I'd be away from it, free. Because the world has it in for me, the company is moving office in a bit of an emergency to, I kid you not, next door to where my new job is. We'll use the same entrance the courtyard. They'll all be there. She'll be there.

Which is fine because this is not your girlfriemd. It's a former work collegue. You see her it's w/e.

I won't be escaping.

Escape from.what? Seeing her?

So, Dating-GAF, what do I do? Stick to my principles and slowly unravel but hope that I can find someone to replace her (*) or tell her?

What you do is not a god damn thing except accept this is not your girlfriend and work on not getting attached. You wont find a healthy relationship when you are this stuck on someone you aint even dating.

(*) Amusing story. I'm not very good at hitting on people. The last time I did was Halloween at a party and it turned out the woman was engaged (I'm awesome at this) and then we sat down, I told her that I was just looking for anyone to replace the workmate and then we talked about the workmate for half an hour or so. Because that's how my life is.

This isn't amusing, it indicates a real problem with attachment.

 

[Salamando]

Maybe I overstate things.

I'm not invested. I'm just trying to deal with having feelings with someone that is always there. I work with her. I socialise with her.

But I get how it sounds. And yes, I have used the word "embarrassing" to refer to myself over this.

Mate, you said it yourself - you asked out a girl (good!) to replace the workmate. Those are your words, not mine. That she needs replaced means she's occupying way too much of your mindspace. This goes doubly if you truly are a mess.

That is the definition of invested.

 

[amanset]

Mate, you said it yourself - you asked out a girl (good!) to replace the workmate. Those are your words, not mine. That she needs replaced means she's occupying way too much of your mindspace. This goes doubly if you truly are a mess.

That is the definition of invested.

I guess I interpret invested more as expected some kind of outcome. Maybe I'm wrong there.

But I am glad I have posted this, no matter how I idiotic I sound. I see myself as just someone with a crush that will never come to anything and the only person I have said anything about this to has been trying to get me to do something I don't want to. So I came here for advice and the advice was exactly what i needed to hear. I stick to the way of been dealing with things up until now.

I've been trying all sorts of ways to deal with it all, but the problem has been that we are always around each other. I just want space to get over whatever I am feeling and I thought I was going to get that (note: I am not moving job because of her, I have finally got the kind of position I have been trying to get into for years) but now I find that I'm not going to get that.

I'm not a mess all of the time. It often depends on how inappropriately flirty she's being with me, how much we've been drinking and all the usual suspects. Like I'm fine now, we've chatted a lot today (we are co-organising a leaving party for another workmate) and everything is cool, but last night things were less cool. But I know how I sound, I really do.

I'm just a guy with a crush, but unfortunately with a friend that is trying to make me act on it when I don't want to.

 

[Ashby]

Ah, so nothing based in science. Just using numbers to appear official when in reality its bullshit. And he's talking about Global rates, and Japan would account for a lot of singles not dating.

I've heard that no-one know what dating means any more from single friends.

The rest is, as Sala said, bullshit.

Good to hear. I was afraid the dating scene had turned into some sort of post apocalypse while I was in a relationship!

 

[Messofanego]

amanset, you need to set your boundaries. If she's not breaking it off with her current partner, don't let her come on to you. You're hopefully not a homewrecker. If she keeps on trying to flirt, just be firm and deny the advances. Go to HR if it's getting to be too much.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Is she flirting though or is the poster so invested that he sees simple coworker politeness as flirting?

I mean this guy says he's unravelling because he's consumed by his infatuation... hardly the most reliable narrator of what's going on.

 

[Llyranor]

The best way to over someone is to meet other people (or work on yourself). Being 'bad' at hitting on people is a very poor excuse.

The thought of the impending "plague" ruining Christmas and the next few months is also stressing me out as well.

Ok, so you'll have a sore throat and feel tired for up to a few weeks/months, then you'll get over it. If you're that terrified by it, why do you want to see her anyway?

Not wanting mono is perfectly legitimate, but in that case, move on.

 

[amanset]

Is she flirting though or is the poster so invested that he sees simple coworker politeness as flirting?

I mean this guy says he's unravelling because he's consumed by his infatuation... hardly the most reliable narrator of what's going on.

I've had other people (not the friend) comment on it. So your guess is as good as mine. But I get your point. Can you trust what I just wrote?

And no I don't think it means anything. I think she is just naturally flirty. It just makes my situation more uncomfortable.

ETA:
I told my friend that I was going to consult "the internets". I sent her this earlier today:

Overwhelming response is “don’t do anything” and apparently I sound liek a crazy person.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I've had other people (not the friend) comment on it. So your guess is as good as mine. But I get your point. Can you trust what I just wrote?

And no I don't think it means anything. I think she is just naturally flirty. It just makes my situation more uncomfortable.

ETA:
I told my friend that I was going to consult "the internets". I sent her this earlier today:

ayy that message is accurate though

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I've had other people (not the friend) comment on it. So your guess is as good as mine. But I get your point. Can you trust what I just wrote?

And no I don't think it means anything. I think she is just naturally flirty. It just makes my situation more uncomfortable.

ETA:
I told my friend that I was going to consult "the internets". I sent her this earlier today:

Can you give some examples of the flirting?

 

[Wvrs]

Hmm, could do with some advice here. I work part-time in a student bar and last weekend we had our staff Christmas do; a co-worker I'd been flirting with for a while was out and we got together. We went out drinking after the party with everyone else, spent the night making out and things were going well, but it's all a little hazy -- I got too drunk (fucking SSRIs and alcohol tolerance, man) and I'm not exactly sure what happened, but she didn't come home with me. In fairness we were out past 5am, quite late.

Woke up to a message from her telling me she had a nice time and she'd see me next time we're both in work. That's tomorrow. I want to ask her out for drinks after our shift, but the fact that I can't remember a lot of what happened between us at the weekend (as in, I can hardly recall a word that we spoke to each other and we were together for hours) is sort of muddying the way forward here a little -- do I just bite the bullet and ask her out straight up, or should I test the waters a first and see how things stand between us?

 

[Blitzrules240]

Best of luck to all the single men out there in 2017!

Thanks! Apparently, I need to develop some idgaf swinging dick swagger.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Thanks! Apparently, I need to develop some idgaf swinging dick swagger.

You just need to show confidence. In how you talk, how you carry yourself and how you handle dates. Dress semi well (not a difficult thing, if you don't have a good sense of style, go into a shop and ask the sales assistants, that's what they are there for)

Remember to initiate light, playful touching in the beginning. The hand, the forearm, the lower back. Keep it simple, don't rub or run your hands anywhere, initiate and stop and slowly escalate throughout further dates after assessing how the initial physical contact went.

Don't agree with everything they say either. Show you have your own opinions, your own thoughts that you're willing and able to express and you're not a simple yes person who doesn't like to make waves.

Dating really isn't that difficult. I appreciate some people don't have a lot of experience and some have other issues that make it harder of them, but the majority of issues in this thread come from the posters, their lack of confidence, overthinking, becoming too attached too early on, etc. These are all things that need to be worked on at a personal level before you start dating. If you go into dating with a lack of confidence, it will not go well.

 

[Blitzrules240]

You just need to show confidence. In how you talk, how you carry yourself and how you handle dates. Dress semi well (not a difficult thing, if you don't have a good sense of style, go into a shop and ask the sales assistants, that's what they are there for)

Remember to initiate light, playful touching in the beginning. The hand, the forearm, the lower back. Keep it simple, don't rub or run your hands anywhere, initiate and stop and slowly escalate throughout further dates after assessing how the initial physical contact went.

Don't agree with everything they say either. Show you have your own opinions, your own thoughts that you're willing and able to express and you're not a simple yes person who doesn't like to make waves.

Dating really isn't that difficult. I appreciate some people don't have a lot of experience and some have other issues that make it harder of them, but the majority of issues in this thread come from the posters, their lack of confidence, overthinking, becoming too attached too early on, etc. These are all things that need to be worked on at a personal level before you start dating. If you go into dating with a lack of confidence, it will not go well.

Shit...

I've dealt with all three of those things.

Thanks Miles.

 

[amanset]

Can you give some examples of the flirting?

Standard flirting fare. The touching, getting in very close etc etc. I just find it confusing and uncomfortable and apparently others have noticed it.

 

[Messofanego]

Hmm, could do with some advice here. I work part-time in a student bar and last weekend we had our staff Christmas do; a co-worker I'd been flirting with for a while was out and we got together. We went out drinking after the party with everyone else, spent the night making out and things were going well, but it's all a little hazy -- I got too drunk (fucking SSRIs and alcohol tolerance, man) and I'm not exactly sure what happened, but she didn't come home with me. In fairness we were out past 5am, quite late.

Woke up to a message from her telling me she had a nice time and she'd see me next time we're both in work. That's tomorrow. I want to ask her out for drinks after our shift, but the fact that I can't remember a lot of what happened between us at the weekend (as in, I can hardly recall a word that we spoke to each other and we were together for hours) is sort of muddying the way forward here a little -- do I just bite the bullet and ask her out straight up, or should I test the waters a first and see how things stand between us?

Just ask her out, straight up. In the cold light of the day when sober, that's when you're going to get a real answer. If she declines, you know it was the alcohol (and maybe desperation) that caused the previous makeout session, and not much else.

I don't know why getting drunk seems to be the way to judge a potential relationship

 

[The Power Of Snap]

So with Christmas coming and not being able to see my date (dated at least 3-4 times) for minimum 2 weeks, is it fine to text her around Christmas and at the new year just to do a heads up? I'm going remote but i don't want to go NC. Also, do i play the wait and see for her to text or what?

We already know we will have another date next year btw.

 

[Wvrs]

Just ask her out, straight up. In the cold light of the day when sober, that's when you're going to get a real answer. If she declines, you know it was the alcohol (and maybe desperation) that caused the previous makeout session, and not much else.

I don't know why getting drunk seems to be the way to judge a potential relationship

Solid advice. Ehh I don't think it was just the alcohol, we'd been flirting since we starting working together and I've enough experience to know when someone's into me; it's more I'm just worried that in those hazy blackout moments I made an idiot of myself in front of her and ruined what could have gone well if I'd moved a bit slower.

But that's just me over-worrying, I'll just ask her, worst she can do is decline. Not even sure if I'm looking for a relationship now, I only broke up with my last serious girlfriend in June, but it's been way too long since I last went on a proper date and I'm reaching that point of singlehood where the novelty of 'total freedom' has worn off.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I know I need to calm down, my mind is just a mess right now. Luckily I don't think I come across as too clingly since my anxiety makes me question every single message I send to everyone (which should be apparent), so sometimes I can seem a little bit too laid back (or so I've heard).

I appreciate the advice I've been given here and I usually wouldn't ask so many goddamn questions, but I guess I fell for this girl too easily. The thought of the impending "plague" ruining Christmas and the next few months is also stressing me out as well.

It's out of your hands now. You can't magically heal her or undo whatever family issue she's going through. Offer support and space, and then do your own thing.

FWIW, I think with the info you've posted, it's not over between you two. Just be patient.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So with Christmas coming and not being able to see my date (dated at least 3-4 times) for minimum 2 weeks, is it fine to text her around Christmas and at the new year just to do a heads up? I'm going remote but i don't want to go NC. Also, do i play the wait and see for her to text or what?

We already know we will have another date next year btw.

You absolutely can text someone Merry Christmas/Happy New Year, but don't expect much conversation. You both should be spending time with family or friends. So, if you mean, can you stay in contact? Of course.

Not sure if you've got the opportunity to do so, but you could also get her a very very small gift for Christmas too. Again, I stress small. I got the girl I'm seeing (date #4 is ostensibly tomorrow night) a $15 book. Not that I had any master plan in doing this, but if she reads it while on Christmas break, feelings are at least more likely to escape the Valley of Christmas Death.

Solid advice. Ehh I don't think it was just the alcohol, we'd been flirting since we starting working together and I've enough experience to know when someone's into me; it's more I'm just worried that in those hazy blackout moments I made an idiot of myself in front of her and ruined what could have gone well if I'd moved a bit slower.

But that's just me over-worrying, I'll just ask her, worst she can do is decline. Not even sure if I'm looking for a relationship now, I only broke up with my last serious girlfriend in June, but it's been way too long since I last went on a proper date and I'm reaching that point of singlehood where the novelty of 'total freedom' has worn off.

Just ask her, and understand that there's a very real possibility she said or did something utterly idiotic too while drunk -- or she just doesn't remember. Nothing wrong with pitching it as "Hey, would love to see you again... absent the raging hangover next day."

You just need to show confidence. In how you talk, how you carry yourself and how you handle dates. Dress semi well (not a difficult thing, if you don't have a good sense of style, go into a shop and ask the sales assistants, that's what they are there for)

Remember to initiate light, playful touching in the beginning. The hand, the forearm, the lower back. Keep it simple, don't rub or run your hands anywhere, initiate and stop and slowly escalate throughout further dates after assessing how the initial physical contact went.

Don't agree with everything they say either. Show you have your own opinions, your own thoughts that you're willing and able to express and you're not a simple yes person who doesn't like to make waves.

Dating really isn't that difficult. I appreciate some people don't have a lot of experience and some have other issues that make it harder of them, but the majority of issues in this thread come from the posters, their lack of confidence, overthinking, becoming too attached too early on, etc. These are all things that need to be worked on at a personal level before you start dating. If you go into dating with a lack of confidence, it will not go well.

The more dates you go on, the easier it is. You'll eventually reach a point where you realize that you're absolutely bringing it, and you won't have to worry about whether the date was good or not. You'll doubtless tell the same stories over and over again. You'll improve them. You'll find out what's funny and what's engaging. There are several, like Joe Biden stealing my cookies or loaning Lindsey Graham my body armor, that I've told countless times.

Now, I'm not saying to have anything scripted, but Miles is absolutely right: leveling up in dating follows an exponential growth pattern, not a linear one.

As far as dressing well goes? Follow this guide: https://ashleyweston.com/mens-wardrobe-essentials/. You cannot go wrong with any of her recommendations, and I've gotten rave reviews from female friends with whom I've shared that guide.

Oh, and here's AD's #1 Pro-Tip: treat the initial portion of the date like catching up with an old friend you're excited to see. You'll know in 10 minutes whether you're vibing properly, and part of that is just being fucking comfortable with one another. So, choose to be comfortable.

 

[The Power Of Snap]

You absolutely can text someone Merry Christmas/Happy New Year, but don't expect much conversation. You both should be spending time with family or friends. So, if you mean, can you stay in contact? Of course.

Not sure if you've got the opportunity to do so, but you could also get her a very very small gift for Christmas too. Again, I stress small. I got the girl I'm seeing (date #4 is ostensibly tomorrow night) a $15 book. Not that I had any master plan in doing this, but if she reads it while on Christmas break, feelings are at least more likely to escape the Valley of Christmas Death.

Thanks man, in fact i have a small gift to give her at the next date. Like you said, it's gonna be the Valley of Christmas Death so i'll text or send a pic around Christmas at least.

 

[WolfeTone]

The more dates you go on, the easier it is. You'll eventually reach a point where you realize that you're absolutely bringing it, and you won't have to worry about whether the date was good or not. You'll doubtless tell the same stories over and over again. You'll improve them. You'll find out what's funny and what's engaging. There are several, like Joe Biden stealing my cookies or loaning Lindsey Graham my body armor, that I've told countless times.

Now, I'm not saying to have anything scripted, but Miles is absolutely right: leveling up in dating follows an exponential growth pattern, not a linear one.

As far as dressing well goes? Follow this guide: https://ashleyweston.com/mens-wardrobe-essentials/. You cannot go wrong with any of her recommendations, and I've gotten rave reviews from female friends with whom I've shared that guide.

Oh, and here's AD's #1 Pro-Tip: treat the initial portion of the date like catching up with an old friend you're excited to see. You'll know in 10 minutes whether you're vibing properly, and part of that is just being fucking comfortable with one another. So, choose to be comfortable.

This is all very true. People aren't born with confidence or swagger. Getting good at dating takes time. You're going to have a ton of bad or awkward dates in the beginning but these serve a purpose because they help you care less about when a date goes bad. Don't get super invested in each person thinking that you can't mess this one up or you'll be alone forever.

People tell me that they get nervous to go on first dates and honestly I haven't felt that way in years. I know that I'm going to have a good time on 95% of all dates and with the remaining 5% it's just because I misread them and they're actually kinda psycho. If you're not having fun on your first date, neither is the other person.

 

[EchoChamber]

So dating Gaf, I asked a girl to a date to see Rouge one on Friday she said she would like to go but she have already plans for Friday, and well in a totally Echochamber fashion I asked if she was available on Sunday but she responded

"I hope so ☺"
So that is a good answer or not?

 

[gaiages]

Just a heads up for some that YMMV with the men's fashion guide. I think there's some great info in there overall but kinda make sure to pick and choose what's right for you... I only say this because I was about to forward it to my boyfriend, but then realized he would look terrible in chinos and meh in polos. But everyone on the face of the planet (where they can) should have plain T shirts.

Still worth a read for sure though.

So dating Gaf, I asked a girl to a date to see Rouge one on Friday she said she would like to go but she have already plans for Friday, and well in a totally Echochamber fashion I asked if she was available on Sunday but she responded

"I hope so ☺"
So that is a good answer or not?

It's a 😐 answer. I guess tell her to let you know if she's free and don't keep your hopes up? The way she worded that is sorta weird.

 

[EchoChamber]

Just a heads up for some that YMMV with the men's fashion guide. I think there's some great info in there overall but kinda make sure to pick and choose what's right for you... I only say this because I was about to forward it to my boyfriend, but then realized he would look terrible in chinos and meh in polos. But everyone on the face of the planet (where they can) should have plain T shirts.

Still worth a read for sure though.



It's a 😐 answer. I guess tell her to let you know if she's free and don't keep your hopes up? The way she worded that is sorta weird.

Yep is pretty weird so I don't know what to do exactly hahaha I will ask tomorrow if she is really free.

 

[ZackieChan]

Just a heads up for some that YMMV with the men's fashion guide. I think there's some great info in there overall but kinda make sure to pick and choose what's right for you... I only say this because I was about to forward it to my boyfriend, but then realized he would look terrible in chinos and meh in polos. But everyone on the face of the planet (where they can) should have plain T shirts.

Still worth a read for sure though.



It's a 😐 answer. I guess tell her to let you know if she's free and don't keep your hopes up? The way she worded that is sorta weird.

I find this hard to believe. Why is this?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I find this hard to believe. Why is this?

Agreed.

I thought I'd be terrible in both, but depending on the cut and color, it looks fantastic. Seriously, J. Crew navy chinos cradle my ass like the hands of angels.

And polos are an absurdly awesome way of showing off shoulders, lats, and arms.

I mean, what's the alternative? Short-sleeved button-ups?

Spoiler

Just let me metaphorically vomit in this thread right now.

 

[Salamando]

Agreed.

I thought I'd be terrible in both, but depending on the cut and color, it looks fantastic. Seriously, J. Crew navy chinos cradle my ass like the hands of angels.

And polos are an absurdly awesome way of showing off shoulders, lats, and arms.

I mean, what's the alternative? Short-sleeved button-ups?

Spoiler

Just let me metaphorically vomit in this thread right now.

Long-sleeve button ups, with the sleeves carefully rolled up. Takes a single shirt from business casual to plain casual in three minutes.

 

[BLOODED_hands]

Alright, like I explained in the Asian-GAF thread my number was given out to a family friend's cousin (which I have no issue with) and we're now texting each other. It's all just texting so far and I'm not sure why I haven't actually called her (maybe my shyness and awkwardness).

She asked for my age and I asked her back. She's 19 turning 20 next year. I'm 24 almost 25 when the New Year rings. I'm kind of conflicted about the age difference although right now it's not as bad as I think it is (or is it?). Should I keep texting/talking to her?

Has anybody dated somebody that young before or somebody with that age difference? Is it a bad idea? Not so bad? Ok to date somebody with that age difference?

Additional info: she's in school, vacation in Florida right now.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Alright, like I explained in the Asian-GAF thread my number was given out to a family friend's cousin (which I have no issue with) and we're now texting each other. It's all just texting so far and I'm not sure why I haven't actually called her (maybe my shyness and awkwardness).

She asked for my age and I asked her back. She's 19 turning 20 next year. I'm 24 almost 25 when the New Year rings. I'm kind of conflicted about the age difference although right now it's not as bad as I think it is (or is it?). Should I keep texting/talking to her?

Has anybody dated somebody that young before or somebody with that age difference? Is it a bad idea? Not so bad? Ok to date somebody with that age difference?

Additional info: she's in school, vacation in Florida right now.

I'm dating someone 8 years younger than me. It's great. (Well, mostly because she's great.) Please proceed.

A 5 year difference is nothing.

Have you met her? Just meet her -- you'll see if anything's there and stop worrying about stupid shit like a 5 year age difference.

 

[BLOODED_hands]

I'm dating someone 8 years younger than me. It's great. (Well, mostly because she's great.) Please proceed.

A 5 year difference is nothing.

Have you met her? Just meet her -- you'll see if anything's there and stop worrying about stupid shit like a 5 year age difference.

Gotcha. I'm making it too much of a big deal. I'll ask her when she's coming back into Minnesota. I have no way to meet her right now since I'm in The Twin Cities and she's in Florida.

 

[ZackieChan]

I'm dating someone 8 years younger than me. It's great. (Well, mostly because she's great.) Please proceed.

A 5 year difference is nothing.

Have you met her? Just meet her -- you'll see if anything's there and stop worrying about stupid shit like a 5 year age difference.

Y'all don't even wanna know about me...

 

[vern]

Y'all don't even wanna know about me...

13 or so ? Me too . It's better that way.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Where's that guy who was getting shat on for dating someone just a couple of years younger? I hope he's reading this shit and realises there's nothing wrong with dating younger people.

Fuck anyone who says otherwise, those types of people are simply jealous or projecting their own inadequacies.

 

[Count Dookkake]

I went on a date last night and ended up eating the booty like groceries. Actually was pretty good.

Good job, kid. Real good.

But you can do better.

Nothing tops receiving a first-date RJ.

Alright, like I explained in the Asian-GAF thread my number was given out to a family friend's cousin (which I have no issue with) and we're now texting each other. It's all just texting so far and I'm not sure why I haven't actually called her (maybe my shyness and awkwardness).

She asked for my age and I asked her back. She's 19 turning 20 next year. I'm 24 almost 25 when the New Year rings. I'm kind of conflicted about the age difference although right now it's not as bad as I think it is (or is it?). Should I keep texting/talking to her?

Has anybody dated somebody that young before or somebody with that age difference? Is it a bad idea? Not so bad? Ok to date somebody with that age difference?

Additional info: she's in school, vacation in Florida right now.

5 years ain't shit. My last gf was 15 years younger than me.

The usual concern is that the elder party will take advantage of the younger's inexperience. Given that you have family handling the dissemination of your digits, and that you are admittedly too shy/awkward to make a phone call, I'm not sure that will be a problem here.

Good luck and remember that younger people are people, too. Just with less baggage and tighter bodies.

 

[Xun]

So when's the wedding Zackie?

Ok, so you'll have a sore throat and feel tired for up to a few weeks/months, then you'll get over it. If you're that terrified by it, why do you want to see her anyway?

Not wanting mono is perfectly legitimate, but in that case, move on.

I'd have it in my system by now, so it doesn't really make much of a difference.

It's out of your hands now. You can't magically heal her or undo whatever family issue she's going through. Offer support and space, and then do your own thing.

FWIW, I think with the info you've posted, it's not over between you two. Just be patient.

It is out of my hands, yeah. I sent a response to her yesterday but I've not heard back yet, so we shall see what happens.

She actually said on the 2nd date that she'd never ghost anyone, so I do trust her on that.

Edit: Got a response from her and we'll be meeting up tomorrow.

 

[gaiages]

I find this hard to believe. Why is this?

He's a tall dark Hispanic dude. In the case polos they generally don't fit him right (and getting them tailored isn't worth it, we ain't rich). Also he has small arms and so that, so polos don't really make him better in terms of assets. Trying to get him to come lift with me in the gym to counteract that...

I actually misinterpreted what exactly chinos were though for some reason (I was tired). They're fine lol.

And yes short sleeved button ups are the worst. Nothing wrong with long sleeved button ups though

 

[Ron Mexico]

This is all very true. People aren't born with confidence or swagger. Getting good at dating takes time. You're going to have a ton of bad or awkward dates in the beginning but these serve a purpose because they help you care less about when a date goes bad. Don't get super invested in each person thinking that you can't mess this one up or you'll be alone forever.

People tell me that they get nervous to go on first dates and honestly I haven't felt that way in years. I know that I'm going to have a good time on 95% of all dates and with the remaining 5% it's just because I misread them and they're actually kinda psycho. If you're not having fun on your first date, neither is the other person.

To take this even a step further, it got to the point where I would actually cherish the bad dates because not only did I learn they were batshit insane, it also taught me about myself and my habits. Every date, every interaction is a good thing so long as you make it so.

For instance, I had a girl ask me to donate to a sperm bank on our 2nd(?) date. Had another where she had to reschedule because she was in the hospital having her gall bladder removed the next day-- she still wanted to see me and the hospital was down the street from my office, so our "date" was in her hospital room. Went on another who thought the Katy Perry halftime show during the SB was the greatest single performance in history and continued on and on about it throughout the rest of the game.

These were all after starting dating again in my early 30s. Before that, I wasn't single since I was 16. I was never (and still not) overly concerned with things like how carefully I rolled up my sleeves on my shirt-- I was just comfortable in my own skin. Anytime I met someone knew, I went in thinking I'm not going to be the right fit for everyone and that's okay. There's plenty of fish in the sea--even for a slightly-ish overweight, hair-thinning, average at best looking banker-type with the "red flag" of a divorce on my resume.

You live with yourself every single day. Might as well get comfortable with that. Once you do, the confidence will follow. And once you have that confidence, you're already well on your way.

 

[ZackieChan]

He's a tall dark Hispanic dude. In the case polos they generally don't fit him right (and getting them tailored isn't worth it, we ain't rich). Also he has small arms and so that, so polos don't really make him better in terms of assets. Trying to get him to come lift with me in the gym to counteract that...

I actually misinterpreted what exactly chinos were though for some reason (I was tired). They're fine lol.

And yes short sleeved button ups are the worst. Nothing wrong with long sleeved button ups though

I have two short sleeved button ups. Come at me GAF.

I live in Bangkok and it's hot as shit. Gimme a break.

 

[gaiages]

I have two short sleeved button ups. Come at me GAF.

I live in Bangkok and it's hot as shit. Gimme a break.

As long as they aren't Hawaiian shirts with saiyans on them.

tbh though I live in FL so there's plenty of questionable fashion choices due to the heat >.>"

 

[WolfeTone]

I've got some short sleeved button ups too. They seem to be received well on dates.

 

[Weckum]

He's a tall dark Hispanic dude. In the case polos they generally don't fit him right (and getting them tailored isn't worth it, we ain't rich). Also he has small arms and so that, so polos don't really make him better in terms of assets. Trying to get him to come lift with me in the gym to counteract that...

I actually misinterpreted what exactly chinos were though for some reason (I was tired). They're fine lol.

And yes short sleeved button ups are the worst. Nothing wrong with long sleeved button ups though

Nothing wrong with them if you wear them right.

Women dig them if you have the arms.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Gross. Rolled sleeves so much better.

 

[Afrocious]

looks like im moving to ATL as NC is burning down

good thing i emotionally broke myself off this girl i liked here in Durham

Spoiler

im kinda weirdly sad about her though i haven't spoken to her in almost two weeks

 

[Armadilo]

How long am I supposed to wait before I ask for her number on tinder ? Or am I not supposed to ask for it ? I thought that after a while, especially when they agree to have a date, that you then ask for it.

Maybe these girls don't like it or what but to me everything is going good, yes to date. Ok can I have your number ? Then that's it.

They never reply back. I'm trying to use tinder to actually go on dates but maybe I joined to late because of hook ups/ one night stands that probably most women think is going to happen when you use the app.

My bad luck continues

 

[Lulubop]

Gross. Rolled sleeves so much better.

This