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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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W

WolfeTone

Member
2016 has been a relatively slow dating year for me. I started off the year in a relationship which ended after 4 months total around March or so when I got itchy feet. Since then I've been on about 20 first dates.

Met some very interesting women but maybe I'm starting to get tired of the whole thing. Some of the girls I met I was quite into, but not enough to want to commit to a monogamous relationship with. Every time I get into a monogamous relationship, I start craving single life again after a couple of months, even with my most recent girlfriend where the time commitments were relatively low and I could spend a lot of time with my hobbies. My motivation to improve myself and do cool stuff drops to zero when I'm in a relationship and I don't like that. I feel like I'm a more interesting person when I'm single.

I think I just miss the thrill of being single and meeting new women. Not knowing where the relationship is going. There's a quote from the show Mad Men that stuck with me that kind of describes what it feels like: "You only like the beginning of things." If only I had the looks, persona and wealth of Don Draper too.

I'm not complaining about the situation or looking for advice really. Just thought I'd chime in about how the year went. 2017 I'll approach in much the same way. Go on Tinder dates, be upfront with them about not looking for anything monogamous and date them until they get bored of that. I want to get more comfortable asking girls out in public, I've done it before but I feel like I'm relying on Tinder too much.

How was your year dating GAF?
 
C

Canon

Banned
Girl I'm with now is beyond selfish and doesn't care how much I'm willing to change for her (or how much I already have). We haven't broke up but I'm thinking of just ignoring her and seeing what happens. Obviously I can tell she'll miss me at some point but I wonder just how much or for how long. Maybe she'll get drunk and tell me a bunch of lies.

I would just say "I'm breaking up" but I'm through with trying to get her attention. I need to move on and stop giving her the satisfaction. Not looking to date again, I was happier alone even though there were moments, maybe 10% of the time, where I actually felt genuine happiness that I couldn't get alone. Kind of like a drug, but it wears off.

I don't even enjoy looking at porn anymore.

Yes obviously I'm being a little bitch to even post this lol.
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Canon said:
Girl I'm with now is beyond selfish and doesn't care how much I'm willing to change for her (or how much I already have). We haven't broke up but I'm thinking of just ignoring her and seeing what happens. Obviously I can tell she'll miss me at some point but I wonder just how much or for how long. Maybe she'll get drunk and tell me a bunch of lies.

I would just say "I'm breaking up" but I'm through with trying to get her attention. I need to move on and stop giving her the satisfaction. Not looking to date again, I was happier alone even though there were moments, maybe 10% of the time, where I actually felt genuine happiness that I couldn't get alone. Kind of like a drug, but it wears off.

Yes obviously I'm being a little bitch to even post this lol.
Click to expand...

Generally breaking up with someone works better when you make it clear you're through. Sucks that you're feeling down though but I think it's important for yourself to just tell the person straight up you're over. Then get your shit from their place, block and move on.
 
C

Canon

Banned
Gotdatmoney said:
Generally breaking up with someone works better when you make it clear you're through. Sucks that you're feeling down though but I think it's important for yourself to just tell the person straight up you're over. Then get your shit from their place, block and move on.
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Emotionally I want to feel like I've had an impact in her life. I need a confidence booster, as selfish as that may seem, I wasn't selfish at all before to her so I just need to feel like I've gotten something out of this aside from disdain.

I know this is fucked up and not the correct way to do things.
 
V

Valkerionseven

Member
Got on the bus and saw the girl I was after for a while, but let go about a month ago from a previous post (I work in the neighborhood she lives in so occasionally run into her), successfully ignored her once I realized it was her... feels good and bad? lol.
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Canon said:
Emotionally I want to feel like I've had an impact in her life. I need a confidence booster, as selfish as that may seem, I wasn't selfish at all before to her so I just need to feel like I've gotten something out of this aside from disdain.

I know this is fucked up and not the correct way to do things.
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If the girl is detached and as selfish as you imply she aint really gonna give a shit if you disappear man.

Instead of worrying what effect you had on her life you should worry work on cutting her off clean and building yourself up positively. I'm not suggesting you don't do this because it's fucked up (it is fucked up though, don't get me wrong), I'm suggesting you don't do this because you will not actually get anything worthwhile out of it even if you feel like you will.

Valkerionseven said:
Got on the bus and saw the girl I was after for a while, but let go about a month ago from a previous post (I work in the neighborhood she lives in so occasionally run into her), successfully ignored her once I realized it was her... feels good and bad? lol.
Click to expand...

Sounds about right. Eventually it gets normal to just let these things go without feeling any type of way. That's when you know you've made it haha.
 
N

names2hard4you

Member
Ugh. We broke up yesterday and she (out of what I believe and I called out as pity to her) texted me tonight, inviting me to spend Christmas at her place with her family, which she said was - and I quote - "absolutely destroyed" for her breaking up with me. She is doing this because currently my family is all split up and I will be spending the holidays all alone since the breakup happened. Not sure whether she is trying to backpedal on the break up, whether it is pity from her side, or whether her family is making her do it, but it certainly did not make me happy.
 
N

names2hard4you

Member
GK86 said:
Don't go, gonna be awkward as fuck.
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Of course not. I don't understand how she thought asking me this would be a good idea. Again, I'm not even sure if it was really her or her family asking for this seeing how they liked me. Or heck, her regretting breaking up. At this point though the mistake was made, so I don't understand. If anything it just made me feel more miserable than I was lol.
 
S

Salamando

Member
WolfeTone said:
How was your year dating GAF?
Click to expand...

Well, I did successfully hook up with a stripper after pretending to be an out-of-town computer security consultant. And then there was the time I found out the girl I was dating was in an improv class with a girl I had hooked up with before. You wanna know what its like to sweat bullets?

More than anything, 2016 will be remembered by this 3-4 month relationship I had. First time in a long time I asked someone out from real life. Ended up learning a lot about what I'm looking for in a relationship, and that I need to be more honest with myself. Lying to myself and delaying a breakup only increases the eventual hurt. We're good friends today, though.

Looking forward to 2017! Someone has to rise up to the standards of Zackie or AD.
 
R

Rked

Member
2016 got me Zilch, natta. Atleast i got a few matches last week 3 of them bots and one is not responding.luckily for me my work has kept me from being totally disspointed with the situation. 2017 looks like more work and no social time. Kinda depressing if you think about it 29 and haven't been on a date lol.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
WolfeTone said:
How was your year dating GAF?
Click to expand...

2015 ended with me breaking up with a legitimately crazy (but kind) girl with whom I learned a lot, including the need to actually try in relationships but to also prioritize what I wanted. 2016 was marked with far less frivolity. The first half of the year was dominated by the gorgeous Brazilian girl I dated, who checked off every characteristic I'd want in a woman, except that she was neither kind nor was there a spark.

You can probably look at the fallout of that relationship in this thread. I don't delete posts. I'm not embarrassed to say that I tried hard and improved myself, but ultimately . . . I didn't want her because she wasn't a nice person and she didn't want me.

After that, I dated another girl who also checked boxes; I also felt an immediate sexual spark with her, and we groped each other in front of a gelato shop for half an hour as I uttered the words: "None of these other people matter. It's just you and me." I was basically quoting Jaime Lannister, but man, that shit works. This lasted about a month, but something was missing. Little things she did annoyed me. And as much as I wanted to progress beyond that emotional hump, I couldn't. She ended it as soon as she noticed me pulling away. We still talk intermittently, and she's helping a friend of mine network for jobs, but we've both moved on.

The year ended with me meeting the Aya Cash doppelganger. All the standard boxes are checked, the sexual chemistry's there, and I don't need to censor myself. When I'm able to say things like "I think I'll miss you" and "Didn't want to say this out loud, and it's referring to sex, I swear, but in the immortal words of Mariah Carey, all I want for Christmas is you" ... yeah, I know. I know.

We'll see what 2017 brings.
 
L

LucidMomentum

Member
2016 had:

Another long distance relationship breakup a little bit after Valentine's day. Was fun while it lasted.

A handful of hookups.

A few awkward first dates, not that I didn't try but nothing that really clicked.

Me asking a casual friend out, getting the "not right now" talk, and now it's in this weird spot where she talks about doing stuff and we make plans and do stuff but we aren't like actually dating.

Gonna have to step back from that since I'm getting too content without getting the whole experience.

Might have a reorg at work next year too, odds are good I'll survive it though.

Those two situations are signs that I've been coasting too much in 2016. 2017 I need to be more proactive and less complacent.
 
A

Afrocious

Member
I found a girl I actually liked in 2016.

In my life, I've only liked about 3 girls honestly. I hooked up a couple of times with other girls but I'm still kinda torn atm. I seriously suck at relationships and I seriously suck at trying to be a player because I have a tendency to humanize the women I'm with.
 
B

brawly

Member
WolfeTone said:
How was your year dating GAF?
Click to expand...

Awful.

Dating apps were a complete waste of time. I'm very choosy and not Hollywood handsome, so I wasn't exactly setting the world on fire with matches (pun intended). Those that I did match would either ghost me after a while, show little to no interest (why match me at all? are you just bored?) or turned out to have completely misleading pictures. So I deleted the apps a few months ago and I'm better off for it, on a happyness level at least.

Started working part-time a few months ago and there's a girl there I've had a crush on since I first laid eyes on her (usually how it goes for me). The cycle of: wanting to see, getting happy when seeing her but at the same time tensing up when talking to her and not having the balls to make a move, has been slowing eating at my soul.

On a positive note I've made huge progress in terms of building muscles (started to get compliments, though just from men or female friends lol) and getting more confidence/higher self esteem. And I've been a hermit all my life so being single isn't exactly killing me. I'm just way too good at it. That's the problem.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
names2hard4you said:
Ugh. We broke up yesterday and she (out of what I believe and I called out as pity to her) texted me tonight, inviting me to spend Christmas at her place with her family, which she said was - and I quote - "absolutely destroyed" for her breaking up with me. She is doing this because currently my family is all split up and I will be spending the holidays all alone since the breakup happened. Not sure whether she is trying to backpedal on the break up, whether it is pity from her side, or whether her family is making her do it, but it certainly did not make me happy.
Click to expand...

names2hard4you said:
Of course not. I don't understand how she thought asking me this would be a good idea. Again, I'm not even sure if it was really her or her family asking for this seeing how they liked me. Or heck, her regretting breaking up. At this point though the mistake was made, so I don't understand. If anything it just made me feel more miserable than I was lol.
Click to expand...

Sucks, but it's good to see you won't be taking her up on her offer. Nothing good can come of it. As for regretting it, she might do at some point, especially if the family likes you, they might convince her to give it another go and with you being alone, you might be tempted to go back to her, but that will not end well either.

I'd cut all ties and just hunker down for Christmas. Binge watch the hell out of some shows.
 
A

amanset

Member
WolfeTone said:
How was your year dating GAF?
Click to expand...

This is the year that I officially gave up. I've made some really bad choices relationship-wise over the years (the two biggest ones being dragging it out for another 18 months with a fiancée that it just wasn't working with and the lass that was 15 years younger than me) and I'm just burnt by the whole thing. And at my age most of the single people seem to come with way too much baggage (hell, you can almost certainly include me in that).

I'll just stick to falling for attached people and coming off like a crazy person on here. It is less tiring.
 
P

peanutbutterlatte

Member
WolfeTone said:
How was your year dating GAF?
Click to expand...
Started off the year depressed and needy, which oddly wasn't a massive turn on for women.

Dated a few girls on and off, but nothing special. None of them I really clicked with, despite them being perfectly nice people (except the pastry chef who texted me "Do you like me or not??" The morning after the firdt date). Then I ended by meeting this girl who is amazing but lives 100 miles away when she's at University.

Things are never easy are they? Haha.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
amanset said:
This is the year that I officially gave up. I've made some really bad choices relationship-wise over the years (the two biggest ones being dragging it out for another 18 months with a fiancée that it just wasn't working with and the lass that was 15 years younger than me) and I'm just burnt by the whole thing. And at my age most of the single people seem to come with way too much baggage (hell, you can almost certainly include me in that).

I'll just stick to falling for attached people and coming off like a crazy person on here. It is less tiring.
Click to expand...

I'm curious, I see this claim about 'baggage' a lot when people hit 30+ and are still single. I'm wondering, what baggage are you carrying and why can't you get rid of it so you can have a happy, fulfilling relationship?

Is it issues stemming from previous relationships that you're unable to move past?
 
J

Jokab

Member
peanutbutterlatte said:
Started off the year depressed and needy, which oddly wasn't a massive turn on for women.

Dated a few girls on and off, but nothing special. None of them I really clicked with, despite them being perfectly nice people (except the pastry chef who texted me "Do you like me or not??" The morning after the firdt date). Then I ended by meeting this girl who is amazing but lives 100 miles away when she's at University.

Things are never easy are they? Haha.
Click to expand...

I mean if you really dig this chick then 100 miles is perfectly doable. My GFs sister did long distance for a year with her BF, and that was 200 miles. They saw eachother every other weekend or so, he mostly took the bus to her. Then again they had been together for two years before starting the LDR, but still. It can be done. :)
 
I

IC5

Member
She was the best Woman of my life. She was the worst Woman of my life.

I could not create for myself, a more exact and desirable Woman. For a time, I've never been so happy.

except that she is a liar, a sneak, and a cheat.

(we started in 2015).

we also shared a good friendship and a curiously strong, ethereal bond. and she gave me some of the most beautiful moments of my life. So, when I started to put the dots together, it seemed apparent to me that something is wrong with her and she needs help. I tried to stay her friend and offer her forgiveness and understanding, in exchange for truth, honesty. I didn't ask her to love me, I didn't ask her to stay with me. I just asked her to be my friend and give us the respect, to tell the truth. I stood in front of her and very calmly and directly spelled this out.

she lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied.....


little improvements came. But it was mostly a distraction to try and keep me from continuing to press on the big issues. I let it happen because I was emotional and because I figured that with her being so twisted up, some amount of time would be needed, to get her to be honest.

And then work called her away on a trip and she ended up banging some dudes there and relocated. She left at the very end of May.

All total, she was cheating on me the entire time. Probably within days of our official start. With an ex, with friends, with friends of friends, with guests of the hotel at which she worked. Based on the timeline of some of this stuff, she was probably cheating to some degree, at least every two weeks.

Any friends of hers whom I did not meet----didn't know I existed.

At least one person whom we both knew, was told by and believed her, that we were in an open relationship. and then she proceeded to cheat right in front of that person.

She was pretty sly about much of it. But I also wasn't paying that sort of attention. Didn't know or think I needed to be. I trusted her and she was free to do things away from me. I was happy.

Once I started noticing the dots and putting them together, it was actually pretty easy to see what she was doing and keep track of her. It got to a point where I could connect the dots on new occurrences, only one or two days after. As soon as she was out of my sight, I didn't matter. I didn't exist.

She also did speed (more likely, some shit meth sold as "speed") for about a month. The girl was out of control.

I'm 30. I've had several girlfriends, girls from 5 different countries, and had at least one other poignant love of my life. and some very positive but not in-love relationships. Not bragging, just trying to say that I don't think I was juvenile or particularly weak through-out this. Weak for her, sure. But not in an inexperienced or pathetic sense. However, I've never dealt with cheating. I did get more weak and emotional, as things wore on and she kept lying. It also didn't help that I was injured pretty bad, right before I started confronting her...

I spent a few months spiraling downward. depressed. messy. first couple of months I hardly ate. I don't abuse alchohol or anything like that.
I've since gotten into a good eating plan and exercise plan for bulking. mostly fixed the messiness.

However, trying to get with new girls has been a series of strikeouts. No luck at bars/local hangouts. Two ghosts recently, from online dating. I'm in a small town so, there's only about 50 girls online and maybe only 10 of which I'd consider.

2016 needs to end!
 
E

etern1ty

Neo Member
Yikes, dude. You had to get out of there, you don't deserve a toxic chick that doesn't respect you.

Finding out your partner cheated on you is one of the worst things, and cutting them out of your life after so many good moments together is some tough shit.

Keep on trucking and meeting new people, you're gonna meet a good one.
 
P

peanutbutterlatte

Member
Jokab said:
I mean if you really dig this chick then 100 miles is perfectly doable. My GFs sister did long distance for a year with her BF, and that was 200 miles. They saw eachother every other weekend or so, he mostly took the bus to her. Then again they had been together for two years before starting the LDR, but still. It can be done. :)
Click to expand...
We'll have to see. We've only been dating a few weeks, but we're showing no signs of wanting to stop dating. She's here for another 4 weeks or so yet. And every date is a knockout, we have such a fun time together.

We'll see I guess! It would be doable, and I know plenty of people who've managed it. She seems happy when I tell her I'd be willing to try things when she goes back to Uni. Any other girl I'd have just assumed it was over, but I do really dig her.
 
M

Mr Solo Dolo

Member
WolfeTone said:
How was your year dating GAF?
Click to expand...

Started off well.Ended terribly.

Got talking to a girl off Tinder around this time last year. Met up after Christmas initially only for sexy time, but it lead to a relationship. Probably the happiest one I've ever been in tbh. Unfortunately she ended things the beginning of last month and there's no signs off it ever reigniting.

I've never felt so low in my life the days and weeks following the breakup, thankfully now my heads in a better place and I've realized the changes I need to make and how I can better myself. Starting with taking up photography to get me out of the house and to try and overcome my social anxiety.

I do still love and miss her but I am back on Tinder now (I know she's dating someone) and doing my best to move on. I've got no problem getting matches and numbers, problem is the conversations never go anywhere or are just so god damn boring. I know you cant expect to have the same level of conversation you had with your ex or have inside jokes so soon, but still, I'd honestly rather be ghosted than have one word replies or questions that lead nowhere.
.
 
I

IC5

Member
etern1ty said:
Yikes, dude. You had to get out of there, you don't deserve a toxic chick that doesn't respect you.

Finding out your partner cheated on you is one of the worst things, and cutting them out of your life after so many good moments together is some tough shit.

Keep on trucking and meeting new people, you're gonna meet a good one.
Click to expand...


yeah, thanks!

It was all supremely confounding and heartbreaking.

--------------------

I thought I'd be well into a couple of dates, by now. A local girl online whom I was talking with. We are both veterans. we chatted a bit via the app, seemed to hit it off, and then she volunteered her phone number to text. Sent me a few pics of herself and some of her daily life, about 6 days. And then one day.......dead air space.
 
Ray Wonder

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
IC5 said:
yeah, thanks!

It was all supremely confounding and heartbreaking.

--------------------

I thought I'd be well into a couple of dates, by now. A local girl online whom I was talking with. We are both veterans. we chatted a bit via the app, seemed to hit it off, and then she volunteered her phone number to text. Sent me a few pics of herself and some of her daily life, about 6 days. And then one day.......dead air space.
Click to expand...

Did you ask her out within those 6 days?
 
I

IC5

Member
Ray Wonder said:
Did you ask her out within those 6 days?
Click to expand...

I asked her to go out, pretty early. As I generally prefer, with online dating, to get to meeting as quickly as possible. I can't remember the exact way it played out, but it was fine that we didn't and we proceeded to chat a bunch and then move to phone numbers and text.

I asked her to go out again and that was when I was met with silence.
 
Ray Wonder

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
IC5 said:
I asked her to go out, pretty early. As I generally prefer, with online dating, to get to meeting as quickly as possible. I can't remember the exact way it played out, but it was fine that we didn't and we proceeded to chat a bunch and then move to phone numbers and text.

I asked her to go out again and that was when I was met with silence.
Click to expand...

Sounds like the normal rodeo. Step back up to bat sir, there's plenty more balls to swing at.
 
A

amanset

Member
Miles Quaritch said:
I'm curious, I see this claim about 'baggage' a lot when people hit 30+ and are still single. I'm wondering, what baggage are you carrying and why can't you get rid of it so you can have a happy, fulfilling relationship?

Is it issues stemming from previous relationships that you're unable to move past?
Click to expand...

I think it is more life things that are hard to move away from. Getting together with someone means huge changes, but I'm settled with my life now. Those huge changes, especially if it goes further and you move in together, just seem more difficult now.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just very lazy.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
amanset said:
I think it is more life things that are hard to move away from. Getting together with someone means huge changes, but I'm settled with my life now. Those huge changes, especially if it goes further and you move in together, just seem more difficult now.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just very lazy.
Click to expand...

I guess it's different for everyone, I'm in my early thirties and my fiancée is moving in just after Christmas (I say moving in, nearly half of her stuff is already here from the weekends and holidays she stays).

Actually quire exciting to know she'll be here every single day. We won't have to make plans any more to see each other, we won't have to worry about schedules conflicting. We'll see each other every morning and every night and it'll be interesting to see how I handle living with someone on a permanent basis. I've lived alone for almost a decade. A few relationships have reached the point where someone has semi moved in, but none have gone as far as this one.
 
A

amanset

Member
Miles Quaritch said:
I guess it's different for everyone, I'm in my early thirties and my fiancée is moving in just after Christmas (I say moving in, nearly half of her stuff is already here from the weekends and holidays she stays).

Actually quire exciting to know she'll be here every single day. We won't have to make plans any more to see each other, we won't have to worry about schedules conflicting. We'll see each other every morning and every night and it'll be interesting to see how I handle living with someone on a permanent basis. I've lived alone for almost a decade. A few relationships have reached the point where someone has semi moved in, but none have gone as far as this one.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm older than you and have lived with someone for the best part of a decade.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
Jesus Christ at that story posted up there.

Jesus Christ. Banging customers in the hotel too huh? Goodness...I hope you got yourself checked out after y'all broke up.
 
CrimsonSquall

CrimsonSquall

Member
Holy shit. This page makes me feel great to be 22. Still so much life to live. I gotta keep the simpin low like I did this year. Didn't really do too much, just focused on school more so.

Was fucking a girl for 3 months in the summer, slowly realized how crazy she was (ex: didn't use a condom once, still pulled out but told me she conveniently forgot to take the pill that day😱) dipped and never looked back.

Girl thats been teasing me for 4 yrs is back in town for the month so figure I might as well try and finesse for once if there's a party in these next couple weeks.
 
L

Llyranor

Member
Online dating is not all bad. Throughout 2016, I have been with the same person (we met online), and things are going great. Do not give up hope!

I think what brought us together was my eccentric funny profile, rather than any shirtless selfies or whatnot. Our personalities match really well, so do not neglect the profile content.
 
Ray Wonder

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
LNBL said:
Pff i don't even know my friend -_-

Let's say just actual friends with nothing else, wonder how many people actually made it work.
Click to expand...

From personal experience, it's not fun. Feelings, false hope, anger, arguments. I would say cut it off for a long time. Then once all feelings are gone, try to be friends. Is this person part of the normal group of friends you have? Like if you go out, is there a chance they might be too?
 
L

LucidMomentum

Member
LNBL said:
Pff i don't even know my friend -_-

Let's say just actual friends with nothing else, wonder how many people actually made it work.
Click to expand...

After some time apart, I've made it work.

But like, instantly after a breakup? Nah. Never worked out that way.

You need time to walk the relationship back and reapproach it from a casual standpoint.
 
V

vypek

Member
LucidMomentum said:
After some time apart, I've made it work.

But like, instantly after a breakup? Nah. Never worked out that way.

You need time to walk the relationship back and reapproach it from a casual standpoint.
Click to expand...

Exactly this. Give it some time and it's possible but I haven't seen it work personally or with other people when it's instantly after a breakup. After some time I'm close friends with 2 exes though.
 
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