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PoliGAF 2016 |OT10| Jill Stein Inflatable Love Doll

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Ah, yes, remembering Phyllis Schlafly. I'd like to begin by reminding everyone here that Phyllis was the biggest fucking quisling of this election. Let's take a (guided) walk down memory lane as we read—together—exactly what Phyllis had to say after the convention.

Donald Trump’s acceptance speech proved that his vision, not Ted Cruz’s, is the future of the conservative movement and the Republican Party. Trump hit the right notes in his talk in putting America first, while Cruz’s presentation to the convention the night before was thin on conservative substance.
This is objectively false. Ted Cruz was the last conservative standing in a race left with a moderate pizza slobbering governor and a say-whatever's-on-your-mind former Democrat, and it actually showed in Trump's acceptance speech. There is simply no reasonable definition of conservatism that would make Trump more conservative than Cruz at all. And to charge that Cruz's speech, one whose essential message was NO MATTER WHO YOU VOTE FOR, REMEMBER TO BE A CONSERVATIVE AND VOTE YOUR CONSCIENCE, was less conservative than Trump's is quintessential absurdity.

Cruz did not disqualify himself from being a future standard-bearer merely by failing to endorse Trump, but also by failing to embrace the conservative policies that are necessary to make America great again. It was Trump, not Cruz, who succeeded in fulfilling Ronald Reagan’s goal of “raising a banner of no pale pastels, but bold colors which make it unmistakably clear where we stand on all of the issues troubling the people.”
This is ironic considering people widely consider Cruz to be the most steadfast conservative in all of government, whose positions are eminently clear and unchanging. Meanwhile, Trump cannot decide on a given day whether he is pro-choice or pro-life. Has Phyllis actually been reading the news?

Trump repeatedly and passionately demonstrated in his acceptance speech that he would stand up for Americans and do everything in his power to end the exploitation of the United States by the rest of the world. “Americanism, not globalism, will be our credo!” Trump declared, adding that “the American people will come first once again.”
Since Phyllis is prone to quoting Reagan, I will follow her example. Here is Reagan in 1983's State of the Union:
As the leader of the West and as a country that has become great and rich because of economic freedom, America must be an unrelenting advocate of free trade.
This is Ronald Reagan during a national address in 1987.
The way to prosperity for all nations is rejecting protectionist legislation and promoting fair and free competition.
And a year prior:
High trade barriers, what is often called protectionism, undermines economic growth and destroys jobs.

So in other words, Trump is the anti-Reagan.

As Trump did throughout the campaign, he led on the fundamental issues of immigration and trade. While his rivals eventually followed his lead, it was Trump who framed the issues and forced the media to pay attention to them.
This is actually wrong, too. Trumps' most popular opponents (Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, and Ted Cruz, we are not going to include Ben Carson in this one) had been steadfast in their principles and always accentuated their differences from Donald Trump on a majority of issues, like immigration, trade, and foreign policy. Until the very end, Cruz was a conservative, and Rubio and Bush held on to their establishment positions.

On jobs, the Republican Party since the 1990s supported free trade deals that have cost American workers dearly. Trump has single-handedly converted our Party into one that is now pro-American-worker.

She gets this wrong, too. The Republican party has supported free trade deals since the 80s, when Reagan was president. In 1996 she admitted as much and had this to say:

Wasn't Ronald Reagan, the model conservative, for free trade?

Ronald Reagan's free trade was an aberration in traditional Republican and conservative trade policy.

However, Ronald Reagan's purpose was not to pursue free trade as an end in itself -- it was part of his national grand strategy to win the Cold War and bring down the Evil Empire. He unilaterally opened our rich market to Japan, Taiwan, South Korea and others in order that their economic success and independence would keep them out of the Soviet orbit. We won the Cold War, and that objective is now obsolete.

The stench of revisionism is a smell only Schlafly could love.

An astounding 12 million non-Republicans crossed party lines to vote for Trump in the Republican primaries. The Democrats did not vote for Trump because they prefer supporting a billionaire, but because they like his positions on immigration and trade.

Trump did not get 12 million Democrats to vote for him in the primaries, as some crazy envelope math by fringe right might claim. Trump has done practically nothing for the Republican party in terms of participation.

Trump extolled “the dignity of work and the dignity of working people.” He brings back to the Republican Party the “bricklayers, carpenters, and electricians” whom he said his father was most comfortable being with.
I am not sure in what universe working class whites have not supported the Republican party. Trump is not bringing anyone new, or back, into the party.

Trump observed that “America has lost nearly one-third of its manufacturing jobs since 1997,” and that NAFTA was “one of the worst economic deals ever made by our country.” “Never again,” Trump added.
Yes! And tis a pity that we lost 90% of our agricultural jobs to the combine.

In contrast, Ted Cruz’s speech at the convention made only passing references to immigration and trade, without the substance or the passion that Trump expressed. Instead Cruz repeated “freedom” over and over, some 23 times, declaring that “America is an ideal,” and that the ideal is merely that “freedom matters.”

Cruz’s speech reflected the views of his mega-donors, who tend to be more libertarian than the conservative views of the average American. Leaving people alone to do whatever they like is not enough to restore the United States to military superiority or economic independence, or to achieve the many other goals set forth in the Republican Party platform.
What is a leitmotif?

Ah, but maybe Phyllis is right. Ted Cruz's speech should have looked something more like, I dunno, this:
People are fed up with politicians who don’t listen to them, fed up with a corrupt system that benefits the elites, instead of working men and women.

We deserve an immigration system that puts America first. And yes, builds a wall to keep Americans safe.

A government that stops admitting ISIS terrorists as refugees.

We deserve trade policies that put the interests of American farmers and manufacturing jobs over the global interests that are funding the lobbyists.

And if we stand together and choose freedom, our future will be brighter.

Freedom will bring back jobs, and raise wages.

Freedom will lift people out of dependency, to the dignity of work.

Wait. Hold on. That was Ted's speech.

Cruz’s vision is not that of Ronald Reagan, who made the United States stronger and more prosperous as Trump vows to do. Trump emphasized in his speech his opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership, which he said “will not only destroy our manufacturing, but it will make America subject to the rulings of foreign governments.”
To wit, Reagan made America stronger and more prosperous, but Trump is good and holy because he will do the exact opposite of what Reagan did.

Wait. What?

Trump even pledged “to never sign any trade agreement that hurts our workers, or that diminishes our freedom and independence.” Cruz made no such pledge and failed to mention the Trans-Pacific Partnership.

Cruz does not need to pledge to not sign any trade agreement because he is not the nominee and is incapable of signing anything.

But this doesn't matter because Cruz has always opposed the TPP and even said so in debates.

Trump obviously meant every word in his electrifying speech, as when he expressed his genuine outrage at how “big business, elite media and major donors are lining up behind the campaign of [Hillary Clinton] because they know she will keep our rigged system in place.” Cruz’s speech had no such criticism of Hillary, and relied on superficial rhetorical devices like devoting much of his speech to a story about a sympathetic victim with whom Cruz had no personal connection.

That's wrong. He did call out the elites.

Ted Cruz said:
Voters are overwhelmingly rejecting the political establishment and overwhelmingly rejecting big government. That’s a profound victory, and it is one earned by each and every one of you.

People are fed up with politicians who don’t listen to them, fed up with a corrupt system that benefits the elites, instead of working men and women.

If that seems like less than what Donald Trump said, then maybe that's because Ted Cruz's speech was 20 minutes and Donald's was a full hour and 20. That could possibly contribute to a content disparity in speeches. Just maybe. It might.

The shortcoming of Ted Cruz is not only his failure to endorse the Republican Party nominee. The greater flaw is that, like Mitt Romney and others in the Republican Establishment, Cruz has failed to embrace the conservative vision that Donald Trump stands for.
Donald Trump has a conservative vision like a blind kid has regular vision. And Phyllis is a conservative hero, about as much as my bleached asshole is.

Good riddance to the wart of the right.
 
"Russia is no longer a country. It is a security service for mob activity." -Wayne Besen.

About time someone said it how it is.

Justice for Ukraine. Hope Hillary can do something about Russia and China's violations of their neighbors sovereignty.
 

Metaphoreus

This is semantics, and nothing more

Even without looking at the laws involved, I guarantee this lawsuit will fail. No court is going to remove a major party's candidate from the ballot because the alternate electors were selected by party leadership rather than at a state convention.

Briefly looking over the Democrats' petition and the laws mentioned in it only makes me more certain of that conclusion. Here, in relevant part, are the Minnesota laws relied on by the Minnesota Democrats:

Minn. Stat. Ann. s. 208.03 said:
Presidential electors and alternates for the major political parties of this state shall be nominated by delegate conventions called and held under the supervision of the respective state central committees of the parties of this state. At least 71 days before the general election day the chair of the major political party shall certify to the secretary of state the names of the persons nominated as presidential electors, the names of persons nominated as alternate presidential electors, and the names of the party candidates for president and vice president.

Minn. Stat. Ann. s. 208.04(1) said:
When presidential electors and alternates are to be voted for, a vote cast for the party candidates for president and vice president shall be deemed a vote for that party's electors and alternates as filed with the secretary of state. The secretary of state shall certify the names of all duly nominated presidential and vice presidential candidates to the county auditors of the counties of the state.

The Democrats are complaining about the secretary of state's certification (208.04), claiming that because the Republicans' alternate electors were not selected at a state convention of delegates (208.03), he had no authority to make it. But note three things here: first, no penalty is specified for failing to follow 208.03. Why conclude that the penalty is to strike the presidential and vice presidential candidates from the ballot rather than, say, a fine, or striking the alternates and requiring that a new delegate convention be held promptly to nominate alternates?

Second, the secretary of state doesn't certify the electors and alternates, but the presidential and vice presidential candidates. There's no argument that Trump and Pence were not "duly nominated," only that the alternate electors were not.

Third, 208.04 doesn't require the secretary of state to investigate or ensure that the party chair's certification is true before certifying the presidential and vice presidential candidates. The Democrats try to turn the nomination of alternates according to 208.03 into a condition precedent for the secretary of state's certification by pointing to that first sentence in 208.04, that "a vote cast for the party candidates for president and vice president shall be deemed a vote for that party's electors and alternates," but even here, that statement lacks any process-control language. It's "that party's electors and alternates as filed with the secretary of state," not, for instance, "as nominated in accordance with section 208.03." Nobody denies that the names submitted by the Republicans are the names "filed with the secretary of state."

Those three arguments assume that it really matters whether the alternates were selected at delegate conventions. The Republican Party of Minnesota can argue that the state has no interest in how it, a private organization, selects candidates, electors, or alternate electors, and so the requirement of 208.03 that alternate electors be nominated at a delegate convention is unenforceable. (And, indeed, it doesn't seem like the identities of alternate electors do matter that much to the state. The counties publish the names of the presidential and vice presidential candidates on the ballots, not the electors or alternates. The public will only see Trump/Pence, not Paul Wendorff et al. as electors and Chris Fields et al. as alternates--their identities make no difference. Those names are just "filed with the secretary of state.")

In conclusion, I don't expect this lawsuit to go anywhere.

And speaking of lawsuits that won't go anywhere, I recently learned that a handful of lawsuits have been filed seeking to force the Senate to act on Merrick Garland's nomination to the Supreme Court. Here's information on the latest:

Lyle Denniston said:
Santa Fe attorney Steven S. Michel has, indeed, sought to frame his case as a reaction to a constitutional crisis. Suing on his own behalf as a voter, Michel’s claim is that there is a crisis “that threatens the balance and separation of power among our three branches of government.”

The threat, according to the complaint, is that it (1) “has divested the President of his constitutional power to appoint justices to the Supreme Court,” (2) “has divested individual senators and their constituents of each senator’s right to evaluate and vote on whether to confirm a Supreme Court nominee,” (3) “has compromised the viability and strength of the judiciary,” and (4) “has disenfranchised United States citizens of the outcome of their votes for president and senator.”

. . .

The Santa Fe lawyer has told news reporters that he is aware that his case is a long shot, legally speaking, but that he is satisfied that the effort had to be made.

I haven't looked into it more than that, but I'm sure his complaint is an interesting read in any event, if anyone can find it.
 

thefro

Member

These Howey polls usually have a lot of undecideds. Also the Libertarian vote will get a few % (edit... it's actually 5% Libertarian, 11% undecided/"won't vote")

I'd say it's not great for Bayh, but is certainly good for Gregg.

Here's what Howey says in his newsletter:

Brian Howey said:
I would offer a word of caution about jumping to
conclusions about the races tested in WTHR/Howey poll.
The sample indicates that Hoosier conservatives outnumber liberals almost two and a half to one (48%--20%)
whereas that ratio in past presidential election years has
been closer to 2-to-1 (40%--20%). If the Indiana electorate is more like the conservative/liberal ratio of past presidential election years, then Bayh’s lead is more accurately
in the low double digits, though considerably tighter that
the 21% lead in the Garin-Hart-Yang poll conducted in
July.

Also Pence is at 47% approve/45% disapprove, which is much more realistic than the Monmouth poll for the President race.
 

CCS

Banned
Sweet lord
anigif_sub-buzz-3016-1473185448-2.gif

Selasi is bae, I'm sorry Adam.

He is too perfect.
 
Patrick Svitek ‏@PatrickSvitek 13m13 minutes ago
Inbox: The political arm of @txbiz passes on making an endorsement in the presidential race. It backed @MittRomney in 2012.

Texas State Chamber of Commerce not feeling the #MAGA? LOSERS!
 
Bayh's smallish lead (hoping it's just an outlier) illustrates my problem with the DSCC's seeming lack of action in certain states like NC.

Basically I'm concerned that someone in charge has just figured they have five pickups easy (IL, WI, PA, NH, IN) which would give them 51 seats (or 50 if they lose NV) and thus a majority. And because they're already at a majority they don't need to worry about anything else.

Ok I get the idea, it's kind of like saying Clinton has 273 EVs so no need to worry. Except Clinton gets nothing tangible out of extra electoral votes, whereas Democrats winning more seats in the Senate gives them a stronger majority and insulates them from bad cycles (like 2018 could easily be!).

Democrats should be trying to run the tables, not trying to do just enough for a majority. What if one of those seats flips to the Republicans? IL and WI are probably fine, but even with Bayh IN has always been in danger of voting straight ticket in a state that Trump will certainly win. NH and PA have been encouraging but are hardly secure. McGinty and Ayotte lead by like 1 point in the aggregate. And NV polling hasn't been very encouraging either.

So one of these goes south and at best the Democrats are at a 50-50 "majority." Now imagine the shitstorm that will be the 2017 special election to replace Kaine. Democrats might not even have that bare majority for a full year.

If they're already triaging Ohio they need to make up for it elsewhere. NC is clearly on the table, as is FL (attn: Debbie downers, Murphy is not a weak candidate, he went from leading an open field to trailing a strong incumbent, writing off this race would be a horrible mistake). AZ and MO are in the realm of possibility. Hell I don't know, throw a few bucks at Iowa. The fact that Democrats seem complacent with only winning 50-51 seats is baffling. I'd rather see them shoot for 55 and fall a couple seats short than shoot for 50 and fall a couple seats short.

I dunno, maybe they'll announce big ad buys in MO and NC soon. Murphy's campaign is flush with cash so he's probably good without as much DSCC involvement.

Democrats of all people should not be taking anything for granted.
 
These Howey polls usually have a lot of undecideds. Also the Libertarian vote will get a few % (edit... it's actually 5% Libertarian, 11% undecided/"won't vote")

I'd say it's not great for Bayh, but is certainly good for Gregg.

Here's what Howey says in his newsletter:



Also Pence is at 47% approve/45% disapprove, which is much more realistic than the Monmouth poll for the President race.

Well, they're an R-pollster, so yeah.

Bayh only having a four point lead in Indiana is somewhat concerning.

I'm in the same boat.
 

Owzers

Member
Hillary needs to continue phrasing it that way, we aren't sending a large contingent of ground troops to take and hold territory.

I might be paranoid but it seems like she's holding back on coughing.
 
This is a weird argument. The state has defined processes for getting on the ballot. Trump didn't follow them. Doesn't that have any relevance?

What limits should we be setting on the ability to get on the ballot? If it's November 1st and I decide I want to run for president, is it disenfranchisement if they don't reprint the ballots to include me?

Yeah, I'm also in the camp that is probably a lot madder than most that Trump has so many FEC violations that never seem to fucking matter. What's the point of following the rules if you can just call the gov't's bluff and dare them to punish you?
walter+big+lebowski.jpg



Pictured: me thinking about this rn
 
Ya'll wanna know why I make interesting drink combinations? A case study.

My bf is going on a bachelor party weekend to Cbus to...well drink a lot but also to see Ohio State play. His friends came over and told me "You know we're taking him to a strip club right?" Which, I literally couldn't care less if he goes to a gay strip club let alone a straight one.

But, my mom is listening to this whole thing.

Mom: Wait, you boys are going to a strip club?
Colt (my bf): Uh, ya, that's what they tell me.
Mom: You got money?
Colt: Sorry?
Mom: You got money? Cash. Them girls like cash.
Colt; I don't think I really need--
Mom: What if one of them girls has nice ta-tas and you don't have cash?
: queue up my bf's friends trying not to lose their shit :
Mom: Get me my purse. Adam? Get me my purse. (Which still has a fucking Hillary bumpersticker safety pinned to it, fyi)

She proceeds to open her purse and pull out a wad of $1 bills bigger than my fist.

Me: Where in the hell did you get all those ones?
Mom: I got them when MaryLou (90 year old neighbor!) and I went to the drag queens. Only a few had p-ssys that were on fire, so I had a lot left.

: shoves the wad of Dollar bills into my bfs hand :

Mom: Here you go, sweetheart. Share it with your little friends. You boys have fun.
 

CCS

Banned
Ya'll wanna know why I make interesting drink combinations? A case study.

My bf is going on a bachelor party weekend to Cbus to...well drink a lot but also to see Ohio State play. His friends came over and told me "You know we're taking him to a strip club right?" Which, I literally couldn't care less if he goes to a gay strip club let alone a straight one.

But, my mom is listening to this whole thing.

Mom: Wait, you boys are going to a strip club?
Colt (my bf): Uh, ya, that's what they tell me.
Mom: You got money?
Colt: Sorry?
Mom: You got money? Cash. Them girls like cash.
Colt; I don't think I really need--
Mom: What if one of them girls has nice ta-tas and you don't have cash?
: queue up my bf's friends trying not to lose their shit :
Mom: Get me my purse. Adam? Get me my purse. (Which still has a fucking Hillary bumpersticker safety pinned to it, fyi)

She proceeds to open her purse and pull out a wad of $1 bills bigger than my fist.

Me: Where in the hell did you get all those ones?
Mom: I got them when MaryLou (90 year old neighbor!) and I went to the drag queens. Only a few had p-ssys that were on fire, so I had a lot left.

: shoves the wad of Dollar bills into my bfs hand :

Mom: Here you go, sweetheart. Share it with your little friends. You boys have fun.

All I see is further proof that your mum is the greatest person ever
 
Ya'll wanna know why I make interesting drink combinations? A case study.

My bf is going on a bachelor party weekend to Cbus to...well drink a lot but also to see Ohio State play. His friends came over and told me "You know we're taking him to a strip club right?" Which, I literally couldn't care less if he goes to a gay strip club let alone a straight one.

But, my mom is listening to this whole thing.

Mom: Wait, you boys are going to a strip club?
Colt (my bf): Uh, ya, that's what they tell me.
Mom: You got money?
Colt: Sorry?
Mom: You got money? Cash. Them girls like cash.
Colt; I don't think I really need--
Mom: What if one of them girls has nice ta-tas and you don't have cash?
: queue up my bf's friends trying not to lose their shit :
Mom: Get me my purse. Adam? Get me my purse. (Which still has a fucking Hillary bumpersticker safety pinned to it, fyi)

She proceeds to open her purse and pull out a wad of $1 bills bigger than my fist.

Me: Where in the hell did you get all those ones?
Mom: I got them when MaryLou (90 year old neighbor!) and I went to the drag queens. Only a few had p-ssys that were on fire, so I had a lot left.

: shoves the wad of Dollar bills into my bfs hand :

Mom: Here you go, sweetheart. Share it with your little friends. You boys have fun.

This is the best. The. Best.
 

B-Dubs

No Scrubs
Ya'll wanna know why I make interesting drink combinations? A case study.

My bf is going on a bachelor party weekend to Cbus to...well drink a lot but also to see Ohio State play. His friends came over and told me "You know we're taking him to a strip club right?" Which, I literally couldn't care less if he goes to a gay strip club let alone a straight one.

But, my mom is listening to this whole thing.

Mom: Wait, you boys are going to a strip club?
Colt (my bf): Uh, ya, that's what they tell me.
Mom: You got money?
Colt: Sorry?
Mom: You got money? Cash. Them girls like cash.
Colt; I don't think I really need--
Mom: What if one of them girls has nice ta-tas and you don't have cash?
: queue up my bf's friends trying not to lose their shit :
Mom: Get me my purse. Adam? Get me my purse. (Which still has a fucking Hillary bumpersticker safety pinned to it, fyi)

She proceeds to open her purse and pull out a wad of $1 bills bigger than my fist.

Me: Where in the hell did you get all those ones?
Mom: I got them when MaryLou (90 year old neighbor!) and I went to the drag queens. Only a few had p-ssys that were on fire, so I had a lot left.

: shoves the wad of Dollar bills into my bfs hand :

Mom: Here you go, sweetheart. Share it with your little friends. You boys have fun.

Your mom is absolutely amazing. How many people would give their kid's SO money for the strip club?
 
All I see is further proof that your mum is the greatest person ever

This is the best. The. Best.

Your mom is absolutely amazing. How many people would give their kid's SO money for the strip club?

Y'all say this, but trying dealing with it day in day out. On the other hand, it was fun watching my bf turn a very odd shade of red.

She is slightly upset that we're going to be "living in sin" instead of getting married. Which, that's not like happening anytime soon, but damn if she's not trying. :p
 

Zukkoyaki

Member
Looks like the Trump campaign is finally doing something that resembles trying with their GOTV effort:

Last week she finalized the budget for two ground game projects, a door knocking program to increase voter contact in the battleground states and a direct mail effort to encourage absentee ballot voting. She also hired a national field director and deputy campaign manager, two experienced political hands, to build out campaign operations. The campaign also began airing its first TV ads in battleground states.

And in the last two weeks, the campaign opened 30 new field offices in 21 states, more than half of which opened in the battleground states of Ohio, New Hampshire and Pennsylvania, the campaign's chief operating officer Jeff DeWitt said in an email Conway shared with CNN.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/...ealizes-that-getting-out-the-vote-DOES-matter

Also LOL at 30 offices in 21 states. Like that's supposed to be impressive? Also no mention of Florida. Early voting starts in just a few weeks. Good luck guys!
 

johnsmith

remember me
Ya'll wanna know why I make interesting drink combinations? A case study.

My bf is going on a bachelor party weekend to Cbus to...well drink a lot but also to see Ohio State play. His friends came over and told me "You know we're taking him to a strip club right?" Which, I literally couldn't care less if he goes to a gay strip club let alone a straight one.

But, my mom is listening to this whole thing.

Mom: Wait, you boys are going to a strip club?
Colt (my bf): Uh, ya, that's what they tell me.
Mom: You got money?
Colt: Sorry?
Mom: You got money? Cash. Them girls like cash.
Colt; I don't think I really need--
Mom: What if one of them girls has nice ta-tas and you don't have cash?
: queue up my bf's friends trying not to lose their shit :
Mom: Get me my purse. Adam? Get me my purse. (Which still has a fucking Hillary bumpersticker safety pinned to it, fyi)

She proceeds to open her purse and pull out a wad of $1 bills bigger than my fist.

Me: Where in the hell did you get all those ones?
Mom: I got them when MaryLou (90 year old neighbor!) and I went to the drag queens. Only a few had p-ssys that were on fire, so I had a lot left.

: shoves the wad of Dollar bills into my bfs hand :

Mom: Here you go, sweetheart. Share it with your little friends. You boys have fun.

You need to Twitter this shit so CBS gives you a sitcom.
 

Zukkoyaki

Member
You can't have a baby in 2 months.

True story. It genuinely feels like too little too late. Clinton's campaign has had their effort going for months and started training people a year ago. Even if the effort described here is fully functional, it's still nothing compared to what Clinton is doing.
 
True story. It genuinely feels like too little too late. Clinton's campaign has had their effort going for months and started training people a year ago. Even if the effort described here is fully functional, it's still nothing compared to what Clinton is doing.

They also don't have the resources to know who and where to target, allowing the gigantic Clinton machine to be even more efficient than it should. They're running a 1990s campaign in 2016.
 

Debirudog

Member
Ya'll wanna know why I make interesting drink combinations? A case study.

My bf is going on a bachelor party weekend to Cbus to...well drink a lot but also to see Ohio State play. His friends came over and told me "You know we're taking him to a strip club right?" Which, I literally couldn't care less if he goes to a gay strip club let alone a straight one.

But, my mom is listening to this whole thing.

Mom: Wait, you boys are going to a strip club?
Colt (my bf): Uh, ya, that's what they tell me.
Mom: You got money?
Colt: Sorry?
Mom: You got money? Cash. Them girls like cash.
Colt; I don't think I really need--
Mom: What if one of them girls has nice ta-tas and you don't have cash?
: queue up my bf's friends trying not to lose their shit :
Mom: Get me my purse. Adam? Get me my purse. (Which still has a fucking Hillary bumpersticker safety pinned to it, fyi)

She proceeds to open her purse and pull out a wad of $1 bills bigger than my fist.

Me: Where in the hell did you get all those ones?
Mom: I got them when MaryLou (90 year old neighbor!) and I went to the drag queens. Only a few had p-ssys that were on fire, so I had a lot left.

: shoves the wad of Dollar bills into my bfs hand :

Mom: Here you go, sweetheart. Share it with your little friends. You boys have fun.

what a cool mom.
 
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